The Realization of a Lifetime
by LoVefan4ever
Summary: Veronica comes to a realization about her relationship with Logan after he defends her honor. Set at the end of season 3 and after. FutureFic. LoVe. This is my first fan fic. Please read and review! Thanks! Eplilogue is now up. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **_**The Realization of a Lifetime **_**1/18**

**Author: **loveisepic

**Rating: **PG

**Warnings**: none

**Words: **2450

**Pairings: **Logan/Veronica, slight Piz/Veronica, slight Duncan/Veronica, OMC/Veronica, OFC/Logan

**Characters: **Veronica, Logan, Piz, Duncan, Keith, Mac, Gory, lots of OCs, some Wallace and Weevil, too.

**Summary: **Veronica realizes she can't live life without a certain someone in it. Will it be too late? FutureFic. Picks ups during the fight in the Hearst student café and continues from there.

**Spoilers: **This takes off from the last episode, so I would say the whole series.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters of Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas and the CW do. This is for pure entertainment only. I'm sure I couldn't make any money from this anyway.

**A/N: **I had this posted at also, but seeing as it was my first piece of fiction ever, I have changed it quite a bit. The storyline is still the same but the writing isn't.

**A/N2: **This is an eighteen chapter fic with an epilogue. I know this first part might be a little cheesy, but I promise you there is lots of angst to come. I mean after all... who would LoVe be without all the yummy angst? Also, the first couple of chapters are short, but they get progressively longerI don't have a beta, so all mistakes are mine.

**A/N3:** I got all the dialogue from the last episode ("The Bitch is Back") from the transcripts at Twiz TV. They are awesome!

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Veronica shouldn't really be surprised by now at Neptune's, and Hearst's by geographical association, uncanny ability to pick and choose which aspects of her life they wanted to focus on. She's brought down rapists, murderers, secret society's of the rich and powerful but one Paris Hiltonesque' moment and the whole damn school thinks she's an easy lay and a closet cheerleader wannabee. High school anyone? And now, walking through the student café, the too loud whispers and redundant snickers made her want to curse the fact that she'd let a perfectly good opportunity to remind them of her more polished skills of not-so-empty threats and bold retaliations pass her by. Piz and his karma...she was thinking of a few choice words right now for both.

But Karma can't be all that bad right? And didn't someone once say, "What goes around comes around?" Of course as far as Veronica is concerned she's never let it get that far. Revenge might be a dish better served up cold, but at least she's the one who serves it. It's taking every Yoda mind trick she knows, and she's pretty certain by now she must know a lot of them, to try and not think about a certain someone who said certain things about certain situations that just might qualify here. But it's just not helping because right now 'Someone's always supposed to pay, right?' keeps running through her head like a mantra. The words of 'he who shall not be named because he is out of her life forever' keep worming their way through her brain letting her know that he truly does understand her better than anyone. Maybe she had been a tad to hasty.

"Hey."

Veronica looked to her left as if she didn't already know who the owner of that voice was. After all, she did just have this whole inner monologue centered around him. But now, with so many things, feelings, left unresolved, now wasn't the time to let her guard down.

"You need to walk away," she spat sharply.

"Just... I need to apologize."

"Great... apology accepted. Now go. I'm meeting Piz, who by the way, is the one you should be apologizing to."

Veronica refused to look at him. She could hear the sincerity in his voice and she feared that one look into those deep amber pools of emotion would pull her right back into the emotional tug-of-war that defined them.

"I am sorry, Veronica. I thought... well you know what I thought," Logan confessed, rolling his eyes.

His apology was short lived as he was effectively cut off by another student wedging himself between them. Sitting down in the chair next to Veronica, the one Logan was about to occupy himself, Gory slid her chair closer while Logan watched in disbelief.

Veronica tensed up as the new threat, one that probably also wanted her body, heart and soul, but in an entirely different manner than previous threat, leaned in and placed her bug that she had so carefully hidden, on the table in front of her.

"I was hoping I'd see you. I didn't want to carry that around forever. You left it behind in my room," Gory stated matter-of-factly.

Veronica stared down at the tiny contraption, trying her best to take even breaths. It wasn't often that anyone scared her, but knowing what she did of Gory's murderous family tree, he did. A lot. But even with that it was taking quite a bit of restraint on her part not to give him a piece of her mind. Instead she turned away from him, suddenly really interested in the food before her. But Gory wasn't finished yet. Her chair made a horrible screech as he pulled the leg around to give him full access to her face. He gave Veronica a death glare that she was sure must have been instilled in his genes, practiced to its fullest from his Confirmation.

"You know what? I'm glad we caught you on hidden camera. And I'm glad it's such a popular email attachment because you're a real bitch. You know what you should do with you sudden popularity? Just lay back and enjoy it," Gory seethed before he got up to leave.

It took Veronica a second to register what had happened and even a shorter second to realize what Logan was about to do. Caught up in her own fear and disbelief she had almost forgotten that he was there. And now her fear only increased ten-fold. After all, Piz would have never posed a threat for Logan, but Gory... she shuttered at the thought before jumping up to stop his advancing form. She knew he realized that Gory was the true culprit behind the tape and that in his eyes that meant he would have to pay...and dearly.

"Logan, don't! He's connected... con-nected, con-nected," Veronica drawled out, trying to get her message out as pointedly as possible.

"Oh, yeah... I was wondering. Didn't seem like you to shrug it off," Logan replied, his lips forming a hard line as if he were deciding something important.

"Hey so listen. Again... I apologize. I can be pretty dumb sometimes."

Veronica let out a long sigh.

"It's a nice gesture, but it's gonna take some time this time."

Logan gave her one small nod in understanding and she sat back down in front of the salad that had recently become extremely unappetizing. Her face immediately found her hands, trying hard to conceal the worry and frustration and just maybe a little something else. Oh, who was she kidding, a big something else. It was times like these when it was hard to remember why she was with Piz at all.

_Oh, that's right... Logan's a psychotic jackass who's insane, damaged, temperamental, loyal, loving, sexy... damn, Veronica. Quit thinking those things. You and Logan are through, for good reason, and you are dating Piz, who you are meeting for lunch..._

A commotion over her right shoulder sends Veronica's head reeling, effectively bringing her back to reality.

_No! He didn't! _

It takes a moment for her brain to come to the realization that he did indeed and she immediately springs to her feet watching helplessly the scene folding in front of her.

_What has he done? Logan, why do you never think? You never think about the consequences!_

As satisfying as it was to watch Logan beat the crap out of Gory, Veronica would have been more inclined to enjoy it if she wasn't getting the sinking feeling that this wouldn't end here. Oh sure, the fight would end but Gory wouldn't let it go. This would only be the beginning.

Thoughts of Logan the savior and protector started to crowd her mind, rushing in to take advantage of the break in the wall the adrenaline from the moment had created. Feelings that she'd spent months trying to will away were finding their way back... as if they had really left in the first place.

Gory's head now laid at her feet, his concentration locked on the man looming over him. As a last homage to humiliation, Logan dumped a nearby plate of food over on his chest. Looking quite proud of his accomplishment he addressed Gory for the first time since throwing him backwards and landing the first punch.

"Want to hear your friend apologize?"

Veronica idly wondered if Logan remembered being in the same position as Gory was once... Weevil speaking the same words to her as he was now. She doubted it but with Logan, you never really could tell. Things that were never supposed to mean anything suddenly took on all the meaning in the world. If things really do come full circle then maybe this was fate's way of letting her see just how far her and Logan had come. And that just maybe she should quit being so damned worried about being thrown off the ride and figure out how to hold on for dear life instead.

"I'm not interested in his apology," Veronica responded.

She suddenly remembered something and leaned over Gory's supine body and reached in his pocket.

"But I would like my pen back."

Gory turned his attention back to Logan and if looks could kill Veronica was sure he would be long dead by now.

"Whoever you are, you're gonna die," Gory warned.

Logan, seemingly unaffected by the threat, just smiled, a real honest to goodness smile.

"Yeah, someday."

Wiping a small amount of blood from the corner of his mouth, he looked up at Veronica, who stood completely still. She was dumbfounded by his disregard for the seriousness of the situation but at the same time overcome with affection. That familiar warm feeling that she'd thought lost long ago started growing within her.

She looked into his eyes, she couldn't help it this time... the pull of him... of them, just too strong to resist. His lips never moved but she heard him just as plain as if they would have.

_I will never let anyone hurt you Veronica... not ever, not even me._

And just as sure as the tide comes in she knew he meant it. It was never that hard to understand Logan. When he loved, he loved with his whole heart, often to the sacrifice of himself. He was doing this for her, not expecting anything in return and in the past she would have let him. Not anymore.

Her eyes conveyed her response, silent only to ears, broadcast loudly to all who were looking.

_I know. _

It was two words, but in her mind they meant everything.

_I know you wouldn't hurt me... I know I can trust you... I know you love me... I know you're right about everything... I know I love you._

After what seemed like an eternity but probably only seconds to everyone except for two longing hearts, Logan turned to walk away. He stopped, seeing Piz, and apologized.

"Ahhh, Piz."

Piz thought maybe he should just run and hide. This could never end well. He was sure that he and Veronica were over, not that he really thought that they'd had a beginning, and now Logan wanted to talk to him. After what happened last time Logan came looking for him, no one should blame him.

"Listen man. I am truly sorry... for everything."

He would have been touched by Logan's earnestness if it weren't for the fact that he could feel Veronica eyes rooted in their direction. And of course they weren't focused on him.

Veronica knew her eyes, her body language was giving her away, but she just couldn't help it. The sincerity with which Logan gave his apology only succeeded in fueling the rapidly increasing fire that was burning within her. The earth must have tilted on it's axis because at that moment, Veronica's world slowed down. As she watched Logan walk out the door, all of her emotions came crashing down like a ton of bricks on her chest. Logan made her feel nothing if not off center, the edges of her life blurred, only her and him in focus.

If she didn't know it before, she knew it now. This moment. The moment that her future self would look back upon and see as the turning point of all things Logan and Veronica. The moment she realized she really knew, knew that not only did she love him...she could never, ever live without him. Yes, this was the moment.

Veronica Mars had never really been a easy person to read, but right now, seeing the forlorn look on Piz's face, she knew every emotion she was feeling inside had to be written all over hers. The wanting, needing, loving, yearning in her eyes had given it away and two sad blue eyes, that weren't her own, told her that her secret was out. Of course, if she were to really think about it, it never was a secret to anybody else but her.

Despite several people's not so secret observations about Piz being Duncan 2.0, she knows the truth about that, too. Piz isn't Duncan. Piz knows exactly what's going on and he actually cares.

He's not naive enough to think he ever really stood a chance at all. Unfortunately there was only a thin shred of hope. Hope of a blossoming romance with the girl he'd been crushing on since he'd first laid eyes on her had now vanished with one glance between her and Logan. I mean, he couldn't really deny that he already _**knew **_she was still in love with _**him. **_Only guys from Beaverton could put so much stock in hope because guys from Neptune already know there's no such thing. Touching his fingertips to his still swollen eye...he begins to appreciate what everyone's been trying to tell him...he'll never truly understand.

Piz can tell she wants to go after him but in typical Veronica fashion she looks torn between what her heart wants and what her head's telling her. She's looking straight at him now and he can almost see the resolve that takes over.

"Piz...I'm... I'm sorry," Veronica stammers.

Not really knowing what else to say she smiles and says the first thing that comes to her mind however break-up cliche it might be.

"You know... you really are a wonderful guy."

"Veronica," Piz stopped her from saying anything else. "I know you care... just go... I'll be fine," he said, casting his eyes away from her and down to the floor.

She wanted to say something else... something to make everything better, but it couldn't be done. She would have to feel bad about that later but right now she didn't have the time. Right now she had to go after Logan and tell him what she's sure he's needed to hear from her all along. For once, she'll put her pride and fears aside and not let him be the only one with his heart on the line. She loved him and she was going to tell him and this time nothing was going to stop her.

To be continued...

Comments, please?? I live for them. Pathetic, I know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so, so much to all of you who reviewed my last chapter. I was astounded by the great feedback! I will try my very best to keep the chapters coming as quickly as possible. I hope you enjoy this one and again, all reviews are greatly appreciated.**

**I don't own Veronica Mars. If I did, the show wouldn't be cancelled. This story is purely for entertainment purposes only.**

**The italics represent Veronica's thoughts**.

Veronica shifted nervously in her seat. The hard plastic back seemed to pry into her own like a jagged thumb. It really was a beautiful day. The California sun shone brightly making the stucco buildings seem to glow. She could just make out the scent of the slightly salty air the soft breeze was bringing in from the ocean. Closing her eyes, feeling the warmth on her face, she could imagine... no she didn't want to close her eyes. Every time she did a barrage of uninvited thoughts flooded her mind. This was supposed to be a happy day. But instead all she could think about was how much she missed him.

_God, I wish he were here. _

As the Dean called out the graduates names one by one, Veronica couldn't help but listen intently during the E's. I mean a girl could hope right. If she tried hard enough maybe she could will it so

_Echolls, Echolls, say Logan Echolls.._.

When the Dean continued on through the F's reality set in.

_Hello, Veronica, it's been two years. Did you just think you could hear his name and suddenly wake up from this nightmare. Life doesn't work that way. Your life doesn't work that way. _

Walking across the stage to receive her diploma, Veronica was thankful for the anonymity provided by the plain black gown. She had hoped that her name would be lost in the sea of the other four-hundred and some odd names but to no avail. He father's proud yelp could be heard across the whole stadium. She was trying hard to share in his enthusiasm but everything just fell short. She should be happy. Now she could finally go to the FBI academy. It was what she had always wanted.

_Be excited Veronica. _

But her dreams just seem to lose their steam after... she didn't even want to think about it. She caught a glimpse of her Dad on the way to her seat, the pride in his face still shining brightly. She flashed him a small smile trying desperately to conceal her heartache.

_He's not stupid. I'm sure he knows. But I'll just do my typical 'strong front, broken inside,'_ _Veronica song and dance and save him any absolute truth_.

She returned to her seat and the rest of the ceremony became a blur as, her mind drifted off despite her best intentions to keep it from doing just that.

**Three years earlier**

Veronica's feet could hardly keep up with the desire to run like an Olympic sprinter.

_I have to catch him. I have to tell him while I still have the nerve... before my brain gets in the way_.

Dashing out of the doors of the building she scanned the parking area for a familiar vehicle. Just this once she wished he had kept that ugly yellow Xterra. At least now its ability to stick out like a sore thumb would be beneficial. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a black vehicle move out of a parallel parking space and drive up the street towards her. She started running, waving her arms trying to intercept him. Noticing his windows were down she yelled,

"Logan, stop please!"

It was no use. She was too slow... he was too fast, she didn't know which and it wasn't like it mattered. As a last stitch effort, hoping he would feel her desperation and stop, she cried out,

"I love you!"

_Oh my god, I said it. I really said it... out loud_.

She had been so caught up in the moment she had finally spoken those three words aloud. They were just three small words, comparatively speaking, eight letters, two nouns and a verb. After fourteen years of school, one would think that three word sentences would slide out of one's mouth quite easily. And sure, about four of those years ago she probably would have said them without giving it a second thought. Of course that was before adulterous, alcoholic, thieving mothers, boyfriends who might be brothers who run off with illegitimate children, dead best friends, lost virginity and laughing sheriffs, or bus and plane crashes, both miraculously void of Marses. But that was then and this is now and those three words that according to Webster's were meant to sooth and comfort and share a part of yourself, had become like a fiery boomerang... putting them out there only meant that they could come back and burn you.

But, along the way, revealed to her with suddenly clarity she realized Logan was worth it, worth the fire of a thousand flaming boomerangs. He had proven him self over and over and it was about time she let go of past hurts and adolescent grudges. She had forgiven him of his transgressions long ago but the forgetting part had just been too hard to come by. It had to be time that she replaced memories of spray painted aspersions and busted headlights with ones of forehead kisses and hands offered in solidarity against the world.

As she watched the back of the Land Rover become smaller as he drove away she realized her efforts had all been for naught. His music was too loud to hear her. Veronica should have been able to just shrug it off...

_I mean I can just call him to turn around, right_.

But she was getting this sinking feeling that she may never be able to tell him again. And that scared her more that telling him at all.

**Present**

For her the graduation ended as unceremoniously as it started. She laughed a little to herself.

_A ceremony being unceremonious. Now that's an oxymoron_.

She made her way through the crowd to where her Father was standing next to Weevil

_Now that's a sight. That should be a social oxymoron. Come on Veronica, you have graduated now. You can stop thinking in rhetorical devices. _

Lately she had been thinking the oddest things. Anything to keep her mind off of Logan. Just as her thoughts started to go where she begged them not to, she heard a familiar voice.

"What up, Superfly?"

She couldn't help but grin when she saw Wallace sprinting toward her.

"What up, BFF?" she said warmly.

Wallace smirked as he gave her a hug.

"Congratulations, Veronica!"

"You too, Wallace."

"How 'bout you and me go do some proper celebrating?"

"I don't think..."

"Come on Veronica, I'll even let you talk me into watching a black and white detective flick." Wallace begged, a hint of desperation in his voice.

Truth was, Wallace was worried. Veronica Mars had been through a whole hell of a lot in her short life but this last catastrophe had just about broke her. If Veronica had been around about a hundred years earlier and on the Titanic, 'Unsinkable' would have been reserved for her. Molly Brown couldn't hold a candle to Veronica Mars.

He didn't know what it was about Neptune that anchored her. It was the model of contradiction, the haven of home covered in the stench of tragedy, the source of strength for the struggles it provided. If it'd been him, he would have up and left a long time ago. He's not sure why her and her Dad don't pack up and go. He can't say that he thinks the good memories outweigh the bad. It probably has something to do with both of their stubborn natures but perhaps it's something a little more organic; Neptune is simply a part of them, good or bad.

Regardless of the reason or reasons that Veronica hadn't left before, he was glad she was getting away now. He would miss her and he'd have to spend a awful lot of BFF by proxy time with her Dad but this was going to be good for her. Maybe if she could just get out from under it all he'd be able to see the light in her eyes again.

"I know what you're doing Wallace," Veronica said knowingly.

"Yea, and... come on. We just graduated college, let's get wild."

Veronica tapped her right index finger on her lips, making an exaggerated show of pondering something. Seemingly coming to a conclusion, she broke out in a bright grin.

"Maltese Falcon and your buying the Ben & Jerry's."

"Deal," Wallace said, mirroring Veronica's smile with her own.

This was why Veronica loved Wallace. He could have said a lot of things, tried to placate her with well meaning words but he didn't. He instead showed his friendship by simply being there. Whether it was from years of practice or some special spidey sense, she didn't know, probably a little of both.

Despite the dismal cloud that hung over this day for her, she couldn't help but be happy for him. After all it was him that helped her though the dark. Her dark. A new voice chimed in with her congratulations. Yes, Mac had been there, too. She looked over them, looking so stately in their regalia. They both meant more to her than she could express. Of course, Veronica Mars had a hard time expressing anything. That's probably why they seemed to think that she was trying to move on

_Never. If I move on, I'll have to leave him behind. And I'm just not ready for that._

To be continued...

I heart comments!


	3. Chapter 3

**For all of you who hate me after reading this chapter please don't. Stick with it and you may yet be rewarded. As always please review!! They are what keeps me writing. Thank you to all of you who have already! I am humbled.**

**I do not own Veronica Mars or any of the characters. Rob Thomas and the CW do.**

**The italics represent the character's thoughts. **

**I will continue to go back and forth between present day and past. I just love the drama and suspense it creates.**

Veronica looked at her bags stacked up by the door. It was time. She heard a knock at the door.

"I was hoping it would be you." she said, not really understanding why she was glad to see him.

I guess it was the subtle reminder of her past life... one where she had been so happy but yet so... un-alive. At least then she was sheltered from the pain of it all. He always was safe. With him she could pretend, if only for a little while, that she was sweet, innocent Veronica Mars who'd never have to feel the weight of the world on her shoulders.

For a moment she let herself relish the thought of being with him again... feeling his protection. But she could never go back. Her very being had been exposed, body, mind, and soul to a love no other could possibly equal much less surpass. An epic love.

Duncan gave her a smile, relieved that she was happy to see him.

_I don't know why she wouldn't be. I have been trying to make up for the past for almost two years. I just don't know why she won't let me in. I have given her time, more than enough time. Who am I kidding? This is Veronica I'm talking about. I would give her hundred years if I thought it would really make a difference._

"I thought I could take you to the airport if it's alright with your Dad."

Veronica pondered the proposition before telling him her Dad had to leave unexpectedly.

"He's after another bail jumper. Of course I told him it should be my job to go after the unobtainable men."

Veronica chuckled before letting her laugher subside into a quiet sigh. She was kind of glad her Dad couldn't see her to the airport. It would make it that much harder to leave. She was only going to be gone for eighteen weeks but at this point it seemed like a lifetime. These days her Dad was her anchor, the only lighthouse in the storm that was her life. Sure there was Wallace and Mac but lately even they couldn't seem to ground her. The sympathetic stares and hushed conversations were starting to prove too be too much.

Duncan had missed her laugh. He rarely got to hear it anymore. She would never admit it but he knew the guilt was eating her up inside. He had tried to comfort her but she had always kept him at arm's distance. He didn't know if he would ever get close enough to heal her.

If it had been anything else she could have thrown herself into the case and come out a stronger woman. But this... this just left her broken on the inside and lifeless on the outside. He was long resigned to the fact that pink Veronica was lost to him but right now he would settle for even a glimpse of warrior Veronica.

Veronica interrupted his thoughts.

"We better get going. I want to make a stop along the way."

Duncan nodded and helped her with her bags before heading out the door.

They sat in silence as Duncan drove. Veronica thought back to the events that had led them there. Why she let them surface every so often was beyond her. I guess deep down she never wanted to forget. If she forgot everything, she might forget him. And that wasn't a risk she was willing to take.

**Three years earlier.**

As Veronica watched his Land Rover drive off in the distance she tried to suppress those uneasy thoughts.

_I will tell him. I will tell him. I will just pick the perfect moment. _

Her brained clicked into overdrive as she began developing one of those famed plans of hers. She laughed to herself thinking of the time one of her plans had ended up with a bong in Logan's locker. My how far they had come.

Just then she felt a hand grab her arm and swirl her around.

"You bitch!"

It was Parker. Veronica didn't know she had it in her.

_Uh-oh. This is probably not going to be good._

"You are still in love with him, never stopped! You never wanted me to have him! Your little _**friends**_ thing was all an act! You were just counting down the days until he came crawling back to you!"

"Parker...that's not it at all." Veronica said softly, hanging her head.

"Just. shut. up!"

Her loud yelling was starting to draw a crowd.

"Well you're in luck. It's obvious he never stopped loving you either. I just could never measure up to the great Veronica Mars!" Parker shouted before bursting into tears and running away.

Veronica looked up to see people she didn't even know staring at her in disgust. It was just like high school again. People passing judgement without even giving the truth a second thought.

_Well, there is another to add to the list of lives ruined. _

Her and Logan's epic love had left a lot of those in their path, even though they never meant to.

_Let's just hope there is not anymore bloodshed_.

**Present.**

She was jolted out of her thoughts at the sight of the large stone gates. Little cherubs carved in the same gray stone posed on top of them, reminding her of where she was. As they meandered their way through the seemingly endless sea of granite a tear fell to her lap. She hoped Duncan didn't see but she just couldn't hold it back any longer. This would be the last time she would get to see him for a while.

Duncan knew this place well. He had been here many, many times before. He had even had occasion to bring little Lilly with him. Meg was buried here. Trying not to notice the tears that were beginning to fall from Veronica's cheek he quietly asked for directions. He had been there a couple of times while he was here to see Meg but never for just_** him**_. Veronica pointed to a slight left and then to the top of a small hill.

_He always did love it at the top._

Turning to Duncan, Veronica asked him to stay in the car. This was to be a private moment. He nodded with understanding and stayed behind while she walked up the hill. She stopped first at the heart carved out of beautiful rose colored granite. She let the corner of her mouth slide up in a small smile.

"Hello Lynn."

She let the silence of the moment envelope her while trying to gather her composure. It took a few strong, forced swallows before she could get the words out.

"I'm sorry for not protecting him the way he always did me. And I'm sorry for never trusting him like I should have... But I can promise you, I loved him."

Veronica couldn't count how many times she had made this same speech. She just hoped Lynn would hear her a least once. It was important for her to know how much she truly loved her son even if she never got the chance to tell him.

Cutting her eyes to the right she looked over at the other headstone next to Lynn's. For an instant she tried to imagine that it wouldn't be there. It was. She slowly walked over to cold reminder of things that could never be and let her finger run slowly over the carved grooves of the name.

_Logan Echolls _

_September 14, 1987- April 30, 2008_

In that moment she was glad he had made her benefactor upon the event of his death. If nothing else she had made sure they didn't use his middle name... Aaron. He didn't want anyone to know what it was during his life and she was sure as hell he didn't want them to know in death. The reminders of leather belts and bashed-in skulls had always been fresh in his mind and would stay that way in hers, too.

"Logan."

She fought hard to battle the onslaught of tears but It was no use. It didn't matter how many times she had been here she couldn't stop them from falling. Lately it seemed as if only her grief was in control. She fell to her knees and sobbed letting it all out before she went back to the silent suffering and numbness that had held her up for so long.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. This was all my fault. If I would have told you how I felt... how I really felt you, wouldn't have done this. Instead it was like I was the one pushing you...away... out of my life... off the bridge..."

Veronica shot another look over at Lynn's headstone trying not to think about the irony of their lives. Both scorned by love, both choosing the easy way out. But it was Lynn's choice for the latter that was mirrored by her son. Even up to the exact spot.

_Damn the Coronado bridge. I wonder if I could call in a favor and have it blown up. Who are you kidding, Mars? It is you who is to blame and not that damn bridge._

Looking at her watch she knew it was time to go. She just wanted to lay here and go to sleep... forever. But she knew she had to be strong... for him, for her Dad, for herself, for all of them. She pushed herself off the ground and leaned over pressing her lips to the cold stone.

"I love you, Logan Echolls, I love you."

It was too late to tell him in person but she had to tell him every time she was here. She just hoped he could hear her... where ever he was.

She turned to face the world, but she would never leave his memory behind.

_It's time to go live your life Veronica Mars. The way he would have wanted._

To be continued...

Comments... pretty please... I'm not above begging.


	4. Chapter 4

Spoilers: the whole series

Characters: ensemble

Summary: Duncan reflects on Veronica's pain.

A/N: Please review. I am getting quite attached to it. Oh, and before you all hate me, I am a LoVe fan!!!! Hint. Hint.

Duncan watched her intently even though he could just barely see Veronica on the top of the small hill. As she fell to her knees, shoulders shaking, it became quite obvious to him that she was crying. He became painfully focused on her small huddled form trying to remember exactly when he'd last seen her actually cry. Sure there had been times when he would drop by her apartment unexpectedly to find her with red cheeks and even redder eyes but she always explained it away before he even had a chance to comment. He guessed the last time was the day she showed up at his parents house with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed accusing him of rape. At that point he wasn't sure which crime carried the most weight so he'd blurted out the truth... finally. And so he added possible incest to his list of sins against her.

Logan's suicide had devastated her. Veronica Mars had again experienced a metamorphosis but this time, instead of a re-emerging of bad-ass Veronica, all that remained was a broken shell of who she once was. Lately it seemed as if she just managed to get through life instead of taking it full on with her normal vigor. He wished he could run and wrap his arms around her, desperately wanting to get back to the way things were before he left.

_She might even learn to love me again. God... why did Logan have to do this... hurt Veronica this way? _

His anger at his former friend was beginning to reach new heights. Now Logan would posses a part of her forever. Instead of moving past whatever was keeping them apart, she was holding on to the memories of her former self, out of guilt... Duncan was sure of that... out of love... he hoped not. Only, he could never quite understand what kept her and Logan apart at all.

Although Duncan had been in Australia for most of the time he had been away from Neptune, he had managed to keep up with the comings and goings. The ones that concerned him anyway. He was a Kane after all. He had access to the latest and greatest computer software. I doubt when Daddy Kane had created his company he had any idea that his ingenious inventions would be used to covertly keep his son, who consequently had been charged with kid napping his illegitimate daughter, in the loop while on the run from said kid napping charges. And it was always nice to have contact with Clarence Weidman. Among other things, he had the most useful skill of circumventing FBI listening devices. Clarence had also been keeping a close eye on Veronica for him. He knew that made him sound obsessive but he didn't care. He loved Veronica and he just wanted to make sure she was safe. Danger always had a way of finding her and she always found a way to run headlong into it. And maybe it was something more, but he tried not to dwell on that too much.

Hearing about the death, more specifically, the suicide of his former best friend made him realize he had to come back. It wasn't all about Veronica, though. Logan had been like a brother to him. Right up until the part where he stole his girl. Duncan almost chuckled at the comparative 'caveman' sound of it. He was just so completely overcome with jealousy at the look in Logan's eyes when he looked at Veronica. Worse, the look in Veronica's eyes when she looked at Logan. And Duncan wouldn't have been a Kane if he didn't pick up on the obvious tension that always seemed to sizzle between them. He had often caught a glimpse of something when they were all the fab four but he just chalked it up to friendship. After all, he was no expert on passion, need. But seeing them together, even after she had long chose him over Logan, there was no denying the fervor in their exchanges.

The funeral had been a media circus. The tabloids loved a heartbreaking story and this one had it all: young love, affairs, fame, fortune, suicides, murders, attempted murders... the list could go on. They just couldn't get enough. It seemed as if the general public couldn't either. Somehow the circumstances surrounding Logan's suicide had been leaked and suddenly Veronica became enemy number one. Apparently while being on a alcohol induced bender Logan had been watching TV. But not just any TV. He had been watching Piz and Veronica's naked make out tape on a loop. They had found pain killers and two empty bottles of Jack Daniels next to his Mom's precious silver lighter on the table. It was a wonder he didn't die before he even made it to the Coronado Bridge.

Even the note Logan left for Veronica had been fair game. The press and the public were ruthless. Veronica just didn't have the fight left in her to put up a strong front. So instead she just shut down, almost completely. She hadn't even cried at the funeral. When the tabloids got wind of that she became the cruel heartless bitch that had broke the heart of the 'Great Aaron Echolls'' son. As far as they were concerned she might as well had just held his hand while he jumped, and Duncan had the sneaking suspicion that her mind held the same sentiment. But he was sure it was the letter that really damaged Veronica, perhaps beyond the point of repair. He could still remember reading it in those damn newspaper rags of all places.

_Dearest Veronica,_

_Don't blame yourself. Loving you made it hurt less, not more. I will always love you._

_-Logan_

_P.S. Go get 'um bobcat!_

Duncan had grown up with the tabloids. Jake Kane and his rise to the top of Neptune's rich and powerful had been fodder for the masses long before the death of his only daughter came into play. The supermarket shelves had been no stranger to the name Veronica Mars, either. Between accusing Aaron Echolls of the murder of Lilly Kane and dating his son and her brother, respectively, she was practically a household name. But eventually that had all settled down and their notoriety had vanished as the public's short attention spans became obsessed with something else. Until this. And Duncan was pretty sure that nothing that happened before could have prepared Veronica for the fallout.

With everything that had been happening stateside in his absence, Duncan felt a little guilty dwelling on his own hardships. But truth was he had a rough go of it himself. The past couple of years being on the run with Lilly had taken a toll on him. Not really physically, he was still young after all, but emotionally. Of course it had been worth it. Completely worth it. The Mannings would never have the opportunity to hurt_ his _Lilly. He loved Lilly, more than he ever thought he was capable of. He would do anything for her. But how he often longed for an loving companion. Someone to share in Lilly's first steps, first words, someone to share walks on the beach with, someone to share his lonely bed. He had truly loved Meg but it was his desirous thoughts of Veronica that seemed to get him through the endless forlorn nights. And now, it seemed that they might be destined to be together after all. He just may get his own chance at happiness.

_Give her time. More time. She will come around._


	5. Chapter 5

**Characters: ensemble; this chapter: Veronica, Duncan**

**Pairings: none now but eventually Veronica/?**

**Spoilers: the whole series**

**Disclaimers: I don't own any of it. If I did, it sure as heck wouldn't be cancelled.**

**A/N: Please review. I am growing quite attached and my head isn't nearly big enough. And as always just remember, before you hate me, I am a LoVe shipper!! **

**Summary: Duncan takes Veronica to the airport and they talk about Logan. Veronica has a flashback/nightmare about the events of that day in the café at Hearst.**

**Italics represent the characters thoughts.**

The air in the car was again thick with silence, but Veronica had learned not to be afraid of silence anymore. Somewhere in the fog of time... the hours, days, years seemed to run together now, she had realized by keeping the bad memories out she was missing out on the good ones. Veronica lived for the good memories. And since the world just seemed to go on living, she would gladly be marooned on a desert isle with just those to keep her alive. It was all she had left of him to hold onto.

Veronica could see Duncan trying to steal stares at her from out of the corner of her eye. He had really tried to be a good friend to her lately. Since Wallace went to New York for the summer to visit Jackie, he had been a suitable warm body to serve as a replacement. And face it, besides her dad, lately that's all anyone else was.

"Veronica, I was thinking maybe I could fly out to Virginia to see you in a couple of weeks."

And just like that Neptune had suddenly become suffocating.

"Just as friends you know, " almost as if he had heard her thoughts out loud.

Ok, maybe the vision she was having of Luke, Princess Leia, Han Solo, and Chewbacca being squeezed in by fast moving walls in a trash pit was a little overboard. She couldn't help it. Duncan had been hinting at something more than friends for quite a while now but she had hoped she could hop on a plane out of Neptune before he actually worked up the nerve.

"I just... I just can't go back Duncan. I couldn't then and I definitely can't now," she said softly, staring out the passenger side window.

"You won't be betraying his memory you know. Besides, Veronica, you made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with him before..."

Something in Veronica just snapped. She felt her body being gripped by some emotion she failed to recognize.

"Before...before...what... before I broke his heart enough that it hurt to much to go on living! Before I accused him of another horrible crime sealing his fate for sure! Before I gave him no more faith in life causing him to jump off that bridge!" she shouted all at once before gasping for air amidst her sobs.

Duncan sat quietly, stunned at her outburst afraid to say anything else.

Veronica's sobbing slowed and her quieter, gentle voice came back to her.

"I know you think it was because of me... everyone does. And maybe it was...but I **loved** Logan. And he wasn't just any love, he was_ the_ love."

Duncan, shocked by her admission tried to stumble through an apology. Deep down he had just hoped Veronica wasn't embracing their once lost love out of guilt, but this... this was so much more. Apparently he had underestimated her and Logan's relationship. He was sure after hearing of the fights with Piz and that guy Gory that Veronica had all she could take of Logan's recklessness. He had heard that Veronica had cut him out of her life for good saying that he was a lunatic and he always seemed to prove her right. After that she stayed as far away from Logan as possible even threatening to have a restraining order put on him if he came near her. Duncan had the feeling that he knew just what might have happened and tried to suppress the guilt that he somehow could have stopped it. But that was a long time ago and he couldn't really be sure so what was it that had Veronica going to such lengths to stay away from her professed one true love?

And as if there were some sort of ESP going on between them, Veronica seemed to answer his silent question.

"I tried so hard to protect him. I tried to stay away to keep him alive and still... looked what happened."

"What are you talking about?"

"Just... never mind... it doesn't matter now."

"Veronica, please tell me!"

Duncan was desperate to know what she was hiding, desperate to know if he might have played a part.

"No Duncan..." Veronica's voice began to sound irritated and perhaps a little scared, "Just please let it be. Go back to ignoring things like you used to. This Veronica liked you better that way."

Much to Veronica's relief they were at the airport. Before Duncan could say anything she was out of the car and motioning for a sky cap to come get her bags. He opened the car door to get out with her but she stopped him.

"You don't have to see me off... it's probably better this way... thanks for the ride."

And with that Veronica had turned around and whisked herself though the automatic doors with the sky cap following close behind her. Duncan couldn't help but smile.

If there was one thing Veronica Mars knew how to do, it was make an exit. And most of the time there is some guy waiting in the wind trying hard to either catch up to her or run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. Either way they were usually wondering how she ended up with their man parts.

Duncan was determined that he would be doing the catching up this time.

Veronica slumped down in her seat pulling the blanket the stewardess had given her up to her chin. She looked over at the clear blue sky dappled with soft, silky clouds. It was a beautiful day and Veronica should have been happy. Her dreams, if that's what they were anymore, were coming true. For the next eighteen weeks she would be a FBI agent in training, learning how to take the criminals down, legally. This is what she has wanted her whole life... well at least after Lily died.

_I should be happy, right? _

The sound of the plane's engines lulled her to sleep and before she knew it dreamland came and carried her off to her own version of mixed-up reality.

**Flashback**

(a little over three years earlier)

Veronica felt herself relax just a little as she relished the feel of the small points of the Bermuda grass tickling her feet. She tried to concentrate on the sounds of college life going around her as she tried to get Parker's vicious words out of her head. She wasn't sure why she cared so much. Parker was the one who moved in on her boyfriend first. Well ex-boyfriend, but between friends, a little two letter prefix shouldn't make a difference. Veronica sighed as she slipped her flip flops back on before getting up to walk to her car.

The little alone time on the bench had done her good, allowed her to put things in perspective. Parker's was another friendship she would just have to feel bad about later. Right now she was on a mission. She had to put her and Logan first for once in her life. Besides, Parker had only brought this on herself, expecting too much, too soon from Logan.

_Well, how ironic is that. Me thinking Parker is expecting too much from Logan when all I expected him to do is disappoint. Ugh, why does love have to be so complicated. _

And there it was. That word again. Love.

Veronica was jolted out of her thoughts by her arm being squeezed and twisted. Horrified she saw that it was Gory who was inflicting the pain. He surveyed the parking garage and shoved her towards her car.

"Get in, bitch."

_Wow... new record... being called bitch twice in one hour... and this most definitely is not good. _

Veronica started to panic, trying to feel around in her bag for her taser.

"Looking for this?" Gory smugly taunted, holding up the very object that she'd been searching for out of her reach.

He had apparently grabbed it out of her bag before she even knew what was happening. He shoved her into the back seat, sliding in beside her before shutting the door.

"Gory, please, I promise I didn't...just please don't hurt.." She is cut off.

"Just shut your trap!""I 've already been warned about hurting you or your Dad so you don't have to worry your precious little head about that," Gory said, apparently disappointed.

"Then what do you want?"

Veronica was still scared but more intrigued now than anything.

"Just because you and your Dad are off limits doesn't mean I can't hurt anyone you love. I saw your little spectacle with blondie on the sidewalk. It seems as if I have the rare opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, metaphorically speaking of course."

He had an evil grin on his face and an even more disturbing look in his eyes. Veronica somehow doubted that he was really speaking in metaphors. A feeling of real dread came over her as her brain processed what he was eluding to.

"Logan Echolls. Yes I know who he is, it didn't take long to find out. You would be surprised at the amount of information I can find out in a very short time. Apparently you two have a thing. And according to the last two events I witnessed, or was a victim of, your relationship isn't as over as everyone says you say it is."

Veronica wanted to say something... say anything, but thought better of it. He still frightened her and now he was threatening Logan.

"So listen close, Veronica Mars."

Veronica held her breath with uneasy anticipation as she waited for the words she somehow knew would change her life.

"A little birdie told me that you know my secret."

"I won't tell anyone, I promise!"

"I know you won't and here's why, Ver-on-ica. I know you know what my family has done and what they are capable of so don't think I am bluffing. If you tell anyone... I mean anyone... even that precious daddy of yours, Logan will be dead."

Veronica had tried to hold back, the fear, the tears, but they just came all at once.

"Not Logan, please, not Logan. Don't you dare hurt him!"

"Ahhhhh, young love, how sweet. But I guess that is all up to you. You tell, he dies. No looking into my family, absolutely no investigating, and don't even think about coming up with some sly little Veronica Mars plan about stealing him away to someplace safe. If I even so much as see you two in the same room together... well, let's just say it won't look good for our little deal. So... do we have a deal? Your love for my secret?"

Veronica couldn't stop crying.

"Yes, please, anything, anything, just don't kill him!!"

"I'll hold you to that." Gory seethed.

And just like that he opened the door and was gone, but not before turning her life upside down. She was left crying uncontrollably, desperately wanting to reach out to the one person she could never see again. She caught her mind running away from her while her heart was breaking into a million pieces.

_Who had told Gory that I knew? Or better yet, who had the power to threaten Gory against hurting me or my Dad? _

For once in her life Veronica Mars was actually afraid to find the truth. Logan's life wasn't worth the risk. She had to let it go... let him go.

End Flashback

Veronica was awoken by a small tapping on her shoulder.

"Miss, miss... we are going to be landing soon."

She looked at Veronica with a kind smile.

"Is everything alright? You seemed to be having a nightmare."

"It was a nightmare alright," Veronica mumbled to herself.

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh, it's nothing, you're right... just a nightmare. These long flights will do that to you, " Veronica said smiling up at the stewardess who seemed to be pleased that she had put her mind at ease.

"Ok, then. Please fasten your seatbelt and prepare for arrival." she said before going about the business of preparing the other passengers.

And just like that Veronica was again left alone with her memories of Logan.

_Why couldn't they have been the good kind. _

She sighed as she looked out the window at the twinkling lights that belonged to her new home away from home.

_At least I have the memories_.

To be continued...

Please, please, comment... see, now I'm begging.


	6. Chapter 6

**Characters: **ensemble, this chapter: Logan, Veronica

**Disclaimers: **I do not own the characters of Veronica Mars. Boy I wish I did though.

**Summary**: The after effects of that day in the café from Logan's point of view.

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for leaving feedback! I love it! Please do it some more. I need the motivation.

**Character thoughts are in italics**.

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3 years and a few months earlier

Looking out the rear view mirror, the adrenaline from the past few minutes just now subsiding, Logan spotted a small blond frame fading into the distance.

_Ok Logan, you've really lost it. Now you are seeing her everywhere. It couldn't be, could it? Veronica would have never chased after you. She made it very clear that she was not ready to forgive you yet. _

Logan's thoughts drifted to the look in Veronica's eyes after he offered up the true culprit of the video taping incident at her feet. He was Ares and she was Aphrodite and that was his sacrifice. His tribute to all things them. His protection of her, their mutual need for retaliation and all those things that fall between. There, too, seemed to be something in her stare. Logan couldn't quite put his finger on it. A realization maybe? The realization that he was right? That this was their way, and she was grateful that he was the one to remind her... to show her... to need her... to love her... to consume her

_Oh Logan, don't go overboard here... it was just a look, right? _

He couldn't help it. He had seen into the soul of Veronica Mars before and there was always a part left unseen. Until now.

_Logan, you're going crazy. _

He had been there before but this time would be worth it. She had given her affirmation.

By the time Logan got back to the Neptune Grande he was bound and determined that he was going to win her back if she would let him. The impassioned exchange their eyes had secretly traded earlier seemed to suggest she would. He would hatch a plan and she would be putty in his hands.

_Ok, maybe that is a bit overstepping it, but still. _

Logan's mind went into overdrive, sorting through all the details of his 'win Veronica Mars back' plan. In spite of all her walls and barriers he knew deep down she loved him, he just needed to convince her that she couldn't live without him.

_I'm gonna do it and nothing is going to stop me._

The next morning Logan woke up with a new outlook on life, love. Veronica had shown him, he had seen it. Her own explicative, beautiful blue eyes had given it away. Logan reached over to his cell phone, grasping it tightly and pressing new message. He quickly typed out, "We're epic. You know it. I know it. Let's not fight it." He smiled as he highlighted Veronica's name and pushed send. It had worked once, the epic thing, and he knew it would stir her emotions again.

Logan longed to remember that night. Bits and pieces of memories danced in his mind but he could never seem to put it all together. He wished he could remember not only what he said, but how he said it. What lied between his words that made Veronica realize he was worthy of a second chance? He'd said they were epic, even in his hazy fog of memories he could remember that, but he really needed to know what it was that made Veronica forgive him. It definitely would come in handy right about now.

It wasn't long before Logan's phone vibrated against the night stand. He smiled, anxiously awaiting the inevitable smart-ass comment that was about to come his direction. He was ready, though. He had her. He had her at epic. Still laying in bed, Logan reached over to where the phone lay and lazily looked at the screen. One new message. The smirk that had been planted on his face since his 'win Veronica Mars plan' had begun, quickly left as he read the message.

"Please leave me alone, Logan. Just let me be happy... without you."

Clearly Veronica Mars was toying with him. After all, he had seen her chase after him, right? It was her, wasn't it? He had seen her eyes soften and her heard her heart beat just a little faster for him, right? It hadn't been all a dream, had it? Some wishful thinking mixed in with the after effects of an adrenaline rush. It couldn't be.

No, I just need to try harder. I should have known she wouldn't have given in to me that easily. She always did need to prove her point. That's that. I'm going to see her.

Logan left the suite, got into his Land Rover and drove over to the Mars Household. A sense of urgency seemed to be driving him and he wasn't quite sure why. He just needed to see her... to look into her eyes...have her look into his. That was their language. Things left unsaid from their lips were intimately declared by the amorous stares between them. Logan just needed reassurance that it was still there. That's it... he just needed hope.

Veronica's car was in the parking lot so there was a good chance she was home. It was a Saturday morning so he wasn't sure where she would be if she wasn't. Logan climbed the stairs to the apartment and made his way in front of her door. He hesitated just a moment before knocking softly. He was sure she wasn't asleep but maybe her dad was or maybe he was just unsure of himself. Logan had to laugh at himself a little. He had spent his whole life portraying himself as a confident, if not cocky and even sometimes larger than life Casanova. And here he was nervous, knocking on the door of the one woman who could see through all of his defenses, making him a better man because of it. She held him to a higher standard and he loved her in spite of it. Hell, he loved her _**for**_ it.

Logan waited patiently before he heard footsteps... small ones.

_Ahh, she's here. I won't have to camp out on her door step. If I wasn't pathetic before, that would certainly fit the bill. _

Veronica opened the door looking ragged, apparent that she didn't have a good night's sleep if she had one at all. The scowl on her face and the slump in her shoulders should have spoke volumes for Logan, but he was too focused on the task at hand to see as much as he should have.

"Veronica, you look terrible."

"Logan, go now, you can't be here, I can't... I don't want to see you!" Veronica barked at him with a slight desperation in her voice.

She slammed the door in his face but not before he could slide his foot in to stop the typical Veronica Pavlovian response. Shut out, shut down, run away. Wash, rinse, repeat.

"I thought we were past the emotional pretexts, Veronica. Why can't we just talk?."

Veronica just stared at the floor.

"Look at me Veronica... please just look at me!"

As she hesitantly looked up at him, Logan desperately searched her eyes for a glimmer of hope. A glimpse of their unspoken promise... the promise that their hearts belonged to each other no matter what. To his dismay, he was uncertain of what he saw. Veronica had been too well conditioned at hiding her true feelings far too long to let him see what hovered under the surface.

"There is nothing left to say. I already told you that you were out of my life for good. As far as I am concerned we are done... forever."

Veronica was cold, almost robotic in her responses. It was if _**they **_never happened. She acted like their hearts never melded, their souls never intertwined, like living without him would be the most simple thing in the world. Logan was furious. He couldn't breathe without her and here she was cutting off his air supply.

"But what about yesterday... in the café? I know you felt something. I could see it in you eyes. Veronica, please, just tell me what's going on!"

"Yesterday..." Veronica started, the venom in her voice seething into the conversation. "Yesterday just served to prove my point. You are a lunatic and I don't want to be taken on your downward spiral into ultimate destruction anymore. Now, get out!"

This time she had slammed the door before Logan could react. She had used so much force that he could hear the pictures in the apartment swing from their nails. To say that Logan was stunned would be an understatement. The 'win Veronica mars back' plan was officially a bust. As he stood there, both hands bracing either doorframe, body slightly angled toward the door that had just served to effectively separate hope from despair, he couldn't help but think something wasn't right. He considered himself to be a Veronica expert and something was off. Something in her demeanor was screamed that she was hiding something. Logan wasn't quite sure but something was rotten in the state of Denmark and he was going to find out what.

_After all that's what Veronica Mars would do and if there is one absolute in this world it's that Veronica Mars is smarter than me. And I love her for it._

To be continued...

Commentslove, lovemore chapters


	7. Chapter 7

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Veronica, Agent Ben Espy, and Eva (V's roomie)**

**Summary: Veronica is training at the FBI Academy when she finds out about a surprise visitor.**

**Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters of the brilliant "Veronica Mars, " Rob Thomas and the stupid CW do. I do however lay claim to Ben Espy and Eva.**

**A/N: This chapter is all Veronica, but don't worry we will probably get to see our precious yet tortured Logan in the next chapter.**

**The italics represent the characters thoughts.**

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**Present Day**

Veronica's training at the FBI Academy was going well. All her instructors were impressed by her ability to think on her feet and to stay cool under pressure. Though, it wasn't just her instructors who took notice of the tiny blond one Her classmates took notice as well, equally appreciating her talent and quick wit. Secretly, most of them feared her. They almost instinctively knew she would be a force to be reckoned with. They weren't mistaken.

For all intents and purposes things were going good for Veronica. As well as they could be considering the circumstances. Wallace was coming down from New York for the weekend and Duncan was only emailing her about nothing in particular. Veronica just hoped Wallace's visit wouldn't end up like last time. Things had been going great until he had to bring up that damn subject. The one she never wanted to talk about yet everyone close to her insisted she do. She could still hear the conversation

_I guess it was a conversation, albeit one-sided._

"It's ok to be happy, V." Translation: you should move on, V.

"Logan would have wanted you to be." Translation: you shouldn't feel guilty.

"We all know you loved him." Translation: you should move on with someone else.

It's not that she didn't love Wallace or that she didn't appreciate his genuine concern, she just wondered when he became so touchy- feeley. He used to play the BFF part so well. The occasional carton of ice cream and cheesy eighties movie along with a well placed phone call or two, but the actual intimate conversations... he'd known that those were off limits from the get go. He'd even commented one time that he looked up subterfuge in Webster's and it had her picture beside it.

She guessed that's why she had grown so much closer to Mac. Apparently having boyfriends who decided to take dives off of prominent Neptune landmarks was a good prerequisite for a girl's club where the only activities were TV watching, computer hacking and their personal favorite... feeling- free conversations. But a small part of her almost wished they would connect more. After all, if anyone even remotely knew how she felt, it was Mac. But alas, things had been going so well between them so she saw no reason to rock the boat.

With the exception of Mac, everyone else's advice was pretty much the same. 'You've got to move on sometime, Veronica... You have to live _**your**_ life.' And maybe they were just a little bit right. She accepted that she could go living now, but that didn't mean she had to move on. Moving on would suggest passing from one place to another. And although she wants to do things with her life, she has long since accepted her perpetual state of heartache.

Of course, in all honesty, she really shouldn't blame them. Them: Her dad, Wallace, even Parker and Dick who had done their own versions of grieving. None of them knew the truth, not even Mac. They thought the majority of her suffering was at the hands of guilt and regret. She's not even really sure why she doesn't tell them the whole truth now. Maybe then they would begin to understand. If she told them, though, they would have new reason to pity her. And that is definitely something she can't handle any more of. Then there was always the possibility that they, more importantly her Dad, might find out about her extra curricular activities and that wasn't a chance she was willing to take. Specifically her secret files on the Sorokin family. If there was one thing Veronica was sure of it was the fact her father would be livid at the discovery of his only daughter investigating the most ruthless Russian mob family in decades. No, it was definitely safer all around, this way.

Much to Veronica's relief, it had been surprisingly easy to hide her secret investigation from everyone. They had all thought she was too distraught to focus on anything besides school. Of course it wasn't hard to pretend, it was a personal battle every morning just get out of bed. As irony would have it though, the Sorokins, were the one thing keeping her going. She swore that whatever it took, one day she would make them pay. Becoming an FBI agent was just one more step in achieving her end game.

Veronica decided she needed to blow off some steam. Her nightmares had been back in full force lately and the lack of sleep had her in a very foul mood. In Neptune she would have spent the morning at the beach with Backup. But this wasn't Neptune... far from it. Veronica was relieved to get away and yet somewhere deep down she ached for the comfort of the one place she called home. Of course with that familiarity came a price. Here no one pitied her. They expected her to be strong and resilient and she was. She was understanding more and more Logan's need to act like an psychotic jackass. At least it kept people from feeling sorry for him.

It had been over two years since the media had served her broken heart up on a platter for all the world to see. And even longer since the Aaron Echolls trial and Lily's murder. Most people at the academy didn't either remember or didn't realize who she was. At least they didn't say anything about it if they did. It was these little things that Veronica was thankful for.

Veronica made her way to the one place she could find solace at the academy, the track. Yes, Veronica Mars was a runner, and not just in the emotionally un-tameable way, either. She never was much into exercise but as an FBI agent she had to meet certain physical standards. So most of her down time was spent at the track, running till her troubles couldn't catch her. She was often surprised at how much she loved it, wishing she had discovered it before. But then again, even with all the events in her life, there never seemed to be the inherent need for it until now.

Veronica leaned over and braced her hands on her knees effectively stretching out her hamstrings.

_No use in pulling a muscle this early in the morning_.

Breathing deeply thru her nose she could smell the fall air begin to creep in, slowly pushing carefree summer out. She was always sad to see summer go. It was when her and Logan had their best memories, when life never seemed to get in the way. Veronica's lips quirked up in a small bitter smile.

_Well until you get accused of stabbing a Mexican gang member and all hell breaks loose. _

But even still, she and Logan had managed to put their troubles behind them... at least for a while.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Flashback**

Their date had been one fairy tales are made of. A candlelight dinner, a walk on the beach, a heavy make-out session in the back seat of her boyfriends car. Ok, maybe not exactly like a fairy tale, Veronica thinks, but a love story non the less. Her and Logan were hanging onto each other like their lives depended on it. And maybe they did.

The light from the street lamp filtered in through the tinted windows of Logan's XTerra, making the small teardrop shape diamond earrings he had given her earlier in the night, sparkle. Her ivory shirt and glistening blond hair had served to set a heavenly back- drop, or so Logan had told her. He looked suspiciously like he wanted to say something, something big... something that could change this thing between them, whatever it was. Veronica felt just a tad uneasy. Logan never did things halfway... if he was in, he was all in and that intensity scared her. She'd been all in before and ended up having to rebuild from the ashes. She didn't know if she could go there again.

"Veronica... god... you look like an angel."

Veronica looked down, a small smile following the blush across her cheeks. And just for a moment she was that girl again, untouched by tragedy, a bright future before her. But she wasn't that girl anymore and if she didn't remember, the warm breath of the boy in front of her served as a very large reminder. She looked up at him, her smile quirked to one corner and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Oh, yea... wanna be my devil tonight?"

Logan smirked back and leaned in for a kiss which she met happily. The heat between them intensified until Veronica pulled back, unfortunately remembering where they were.

"I should go because my Dad's probably watching us through a telescope," she whispered.

"He's probably impressed with your virtue," he whispered back to her

Logan tried to lean in for another kiss but Veronica looked back towards the apartment.

"And that telescope is probably mounted on a rifle."

Logan held his hand towards the window, five fingers splayed out evenly.

"Five more minutes," he whispered to an imaginary Keith.

"He should feel lucky. I mean you could be out here with some pretty-boy jerk just looking to get laid."

"Wait. What are you saying... you're not pretty?"

"Ah...what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you."

Logan's confession threw her for a loop. She had been expecting something, some sort of proverbial cards on the table, but this was way bigger than she was mentally prepared for. For a spit second she thought he was teasing but the fervor in his honest brown eyes revealed the truth. A moment went by, a moment where she was thinking about all the things in her heart that were screaming to be heard. But the logical side of her brain was screaming even louder.

_This is Logan Echolls... Lilly's boyfriend, enemy number one, jackass extraordinaire, his Dad tried to kill you..._

In the end, she just couldn't risk it.

"The things guys will say to get past second base." Veronica teased while lowering him on top of her.

And then, as if the fates were trying to make their point one way or the other, there was a gunshot followed by the breaking of glass. Logan shielded her from the falling pieces with his body. Veronica could feel his heart quicken as he checked to see if she was all right. She couldn't help but to think that this was both a reminder of the past and a foreshadowing of the future. A seemingly perfect night ending with a truthful, hopeful Logan, an untrusting, evasive Veronica, and a threat on both their lives.

**End Flashback**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As easily as the good memories started flooding her mind, soon the bad began to creep in, too. Regret reared its ugly head and the imminent run seemed to take on new urgency.

_I just need to clear my head._

She began to run, slowly at first but quickly gaining momentum. Soon she was running as fast as her legs would let her. She silently cursed them for being too short, wanted them to go faster. She needed to run... run away from it all.

_Please legs, take me away from my nightmare and drop me off in a dream... one where Logan is alive and we are happy_.

Veronica ran as fast as her body would carry her until she could feel the burn deep down in her lungs. She came to an abrupt stop, gasping for any air she could manage. Doubling over, her lungs still trying to recover, she heard her name being yelled with impatience.

"Cadet Mars!"

Veronica turned around, more than annoyed at the person who dared invade her solace. She spotted the owner of the voice, studying him closely as he approached.

_What is he doing here so early? _

Veronica wasn't sure to make of Agent Ben Espy. He seemed to always be around, yet he wasn't an instructor

_I think I will do a little checking up on our early morning stalker_.

Agent Espy was a good looking guy by any girl's account. Late twenties, tall, about 6'3" if she had to guess, sandy blond hair and hazel eyes. He had a slight tan, like maybe he used to spend a lot of time at the beach but not so much anymore. And he was muscular but not like he spent everyday at the gym, just a nice sort of toned. She thought he looked like he might have been an All- American athlete... football, baseball, maybe lacrosse.

He watched her watch him and chuckled slightly.

"Cadet Mars... do you always study everyone so closely."

Veronica, annoyed, said sharply "Well, what is a girl supposed to do when she is being stalked, simply ignore?"

"Stalked? Someone thinks too highly of themselves."

"Well, I was out here first, alone, and seeing as you made it a point to find me..."

"What makes you think I was trying to find you?"

"Hmmmm, well, I'm no senior field agent or anything, but since you are here, aren't dressed for running, and are arguing with me about it, I would say I'm right."

Veronica squinted her eyes and stared at Ben. The kind of stare that always produced honesty.

"Ok, you got me, I was put in charge of rounding up the new cadets for a meeting. Your roommate said you were out here so I came to make sure you made it."

"Wow, my very own personal assistant. I didn't know I was so important."

Veronica knew she should be nicer to Agent Espy since he was a senior field agent and technically her superior but she just couldn't help her sarcasm. It felt good to banter with someone again. And he seemed to be able to take it well, even dishing some of it back.

"Alright, get over yourself Ca-detMars. Meetings in fifteen."

He left, leaving Veronica wondering what was so important that they had to meet this early. And unannounced at that

_Well, I guess I will find out soon enough. _

She went to grab her water bottle and towel and headed back to the dorms.

When she got there, everyone else had already gathered, all twenty- seven of them. Twenty-one men and six women, that's what their class consisted of. Veronica made her way to sit next to her roommate, Eva Winston. Eva was a nice enough girl. Not that Veronica was into making friends, but if she was, Eva would probably make a pretty good one. She was smart, funny, pretty, but most of all determined. Veronica had to give it to her, the girl did have drive. She was valedictorian of some elite prep school in upstate New York and then graduated magna cum laude from Cornell. Her father was in the FBI and it had been something she had wanted to do her whole life. Eva wanted to be a criminal profiler, and Veronica thought she was well on her way to being a good one.

Just then a voice spoke from the front of the room.

"Hello, I am Robert Miller and I am from the Bureau's Media Relations office."

Veronica's heart dropped into her stomach.

_Great, the media has decided to dredge up old wounds and want to do a story about their favorite heartbreaker being a FBI candidate. _

"The reason I called this meeting is that we are going to have some guests come to stay with us for a week. A big Hollywood production company is making a movie about a cadet in the FBI Academy and they are wanting their lead actor to get some hands on experience. We welcome this kind of positive publicity so you will make their stay here comfortable and enjoyable, answering any questions they might have. Everyone got it?"

As everyone nodded their heads in agreement, the buzz around the room started to grow. Eva grabbed Veronica's arm, her eyes wide in amazement.

"Omigod, who do you think will be in the movie? I hope it's a guy and he's hot. Oh, oh, maybe it will be Josh Hartnett or Josh Lucas, or Orlando Bloom! This is going to be sooooo exciting!"

Veronica sighed, a stark contrast to her elated roomie. She just wanted to make it through the academy, somewhat uneventfully. Having overpaid, over appreciated, artificial Hollywood types around was not going to make it easy. And since "The Echolls Family Curse" movie was in possible pre-production, the chances of someone knowing who she was would be fairly good. Veronica's shot at a normal life, if that were ever possible, seemed to be slipping down the drain.

None of the cadets had to wait long to find out who was starring in the movie. It was her once polished, once somewhat reserved, roommate Eva who first broke the news. She had been transformed into some alien life form Veronica liked to describe as a pre-pubescent girl with an overabundance of the giggles. She was in awe that movie stars could do this to otherwise normal people.

"Omigod! Veronica, did you hear who is going to be here all next week and possibly longer?"

"No, but who has got you so worked up, pray tell. Brad Pitt, perhaps?" Veronica said in a faux interested tone.

"Better! Connor Larkin! Veronica, isn't this the best news ever? I never dreamed the academy could be so exciting!"

Veronica was trying, pretty unsuccessfully, just to manage to stay indifferent. Inside, there was a wealth of emotions, all taking their turns at invading her temporary sanity. She was beginning to drift into a place where she desperately didn't want to go. The last time she had seen Connor was at Logan's funeral, not that she remembered much about that day. She tried to remember if they spoke.

_Probably not, I'm sure he thought it was my fault, too._

"Veronica, are you ok? You seem a little pale. And I thought I was nervous about seeing him."

She couldn't help the feeling of dread that was pooling in her stomach.

"I'm ok, Eva. It was just probably something I had for lunch. I am going to lay down for a while before our next class."

The tears just held off long enough for her to unlock her door before they overflowed their tentative dam. Barely making it to her bed, she collapsed, bringing months of a semblance of a normal life with her. If she didn't know it before, she definitely knew it now; Her struggles were only beginning. Trying to build a life, her life, without Logan was like waiting for a house of cards to fall. She would always be balancing on a fine edge.

To be continued...

Comments? Pretty please with sugar on top? See, now you've got me really begging.


	8. Chapter 8

**Characters: **ensemble. This chapter: Veronica, Eva, Agent Espy and Connor Larkin

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the "Veronica Mars" characters, just Eva and Agent Espy are mine.

**Summary: **Veronica opens up to someone and goes on a non-date with Connor Larkin.

**A/N: **I know I said we would see Logan in this chapter but it just wrote itself. I felt it would be too long to include the next part which will include him in the storyline. I am still new at this so please don't hate me. I promise, you will get your LoVe eventually. After all, I am a LoVe shipper!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all you who have left me feedback! It's been a great motivator for my writing. Please keep reviewing!!!!!!!

Another beautiful day blanketed the campus of the FBI Academy. The clouds were white and billowy, looking a lot like cotton balls, while the clear, light blue sky provided the perfect backdrop. Fall was indeed trying to make itself known more and more each day with cool crisp mornings and the talk of football schedules. It was a Saturday and Eva had convinced Veronica to accompany her on an afternoon stroll. Eva's coercion techniques were almost Lilly'esque. She had agreed.

The sun was bright, Veronica could smell fresh cut grass and Eva's laugh was infectious. She was trying to stay at least neutral. It_** was **_a beautiful day she wished it wasn't. The sights and sounds of summer's valiant stand against the inevitable change of seasons, not to mention her well- intentioned roommate, were trying to brighten her mood. Yeah, Veronica was trying hard not to enjoy it all.

It had been two days since the Hollywood types had arrived and she had been able to completely avoid them. It was surprisingly easy. They had mostly been in meetings and when they weren't, there were plenty of eager cadets willing to show them the ropes

_Maybe... just maybe this will be a good day after all. _

For Veronica, those came far and few between.

Veronica and Eva had just rounded the corner of the Stillman building when they smacked right into someone. Eva, without looking up and realizing who they had collided with, began to apologize profusely. All Veronica could do was just stare into the face of the man in front of her.

_Why can't it just rain. I can't even pretend to attempt happiness on those days. It had rained on that day. _

Eventually Eva looked up and gasped.

"Connor Larkin!"

"Um, hello ladies," Connor responded, not taking his eyes off of Veronica.

There was a long moment of stunned induced silence.

Eva couldn't help but to be just a little bit jealous . Here she was, living every teenage girl's fantasy by bumping into the Connor Larkin and he hadn't even noticed her. He couldn't keep his eyes off of Veronica long enough to even bother with a glance in her direction.

Connor, noticing the academy logo on Veronica's polo, broke the silence.

"I didn't know you were a trainee. Although, I have to say I'm not surprised."

"Yeah, well you know, something about needing to get the bad guys."

"Well, I would think you of all people wouldn't need the FBI for that."

A broad grin accompanied the twinkle in his eyes as he held her stare. She couldn't help the small smile that graced her lips as she was reminded not only what a beautiful man he was but what a charmer he could be. She thought of all the times she had been around him, the poker games, Logan's many parties, the funeral. Back then she'd only had eyes for Logan, never really thinking of him in that way. But looking at him now, she couldn't help the blush that crept up her chest all the way to her cheeks and the warmth his familiar smile gave her.

Eva, finally coming out of her shock, was trying to piece together the happenings before her. Her roommate, whom she obviously knew nothing about, was having a conversation with Connor Larkin.

_And they act like they actually know each other. _

"Wait. Do you guys know each other?"

Connor spoke up, realizing that he had forgotten the other girl's presence.

"Yeah. I was friends with Veronica's..."

Veronica instantly cut him off.

"Friend. You know, friends of a friend. That sort of thing."

Connor looked at Veronica, then at her roommate's puzzled expression before getting the hint. The girl didn't know and Veronica didn't want to tell her.

Eva perked up. "Wow! He must be some friend if he's friends with a movie star."

Both Connor and Eva noticed when Veronica's tentative smile faded and she looked to the ground.

"Yeah," she simply stated, the distress on her face apparent.

The air around them had changed and Eva was left wondering what was left unsaid. She looked to Veronica who had a sudden fascination with her shoe and then to Connor who just gave her a tight smile. Her earlier feelings of jealousy were quickly turning into guilt as she realized the strength it would take to get her foot out of her very large mouth. She was just wondering if she should say something when Connor finally broke the tension.

"So... Veronica... do you think we might could get coffee later and catch up."

As she looked up, his hopeful eyes staring back at her, no pity nor blame to be found, she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time...relief. He knew her and he knew Logan but he offered no condolences or platitudes and she was grateful. It was far from being simple and there definitely wasn't anything normal about it but right then she was just a girl and he was just a guy and everything else seemed to fade into the distance. It felt... nice. She quickly agreed to meet at the coffee house at 7:00 pm before the inevitable thoughts of betrayal began to surface, shaming her out of it.

"Well, see you then. It was nice to meet you..."

"Eva."

Veronica had the good sense to be embarrassed. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts she had failed to introduce her roommate. An action she was sure she would hear about later.

"Yeah, sorry Connor. This is my roommate Eva Winston. She is a trainee, too."

Turning up the charm he was known for Connor smiled at Eva.

"If I would have know the FBI has such beautiful candidates, I would have signed up long ago."

Veronica just rolled her eyes, while Eva blushed from head to toe.

"Ladies, as much as it pains me, I must bid my farewell. Duty calls."

Focusing his attention once again on Veronica, "See you at 7:00?"

"Yeah... yeah, I'll be there," she told him, a smile once again gracing her features.

"Watch out for this one, Eva, she can be prickly."

He winked at her before going on his way and Eva let out a dreamy sigh. Once he was out of ear-shot, Eva started in on Veronica forgetting all about her earlier discomfort.

"Veronica! Why didn't you tell me you knew Connor Larkin! This is like the coolest thing ever!"

Veronica winced. "It's... it's just complicated, that's all."

Eva knew her roommate was a little stand-off-ish, and really didn't like to share personal details but there was obviously a lot more to Veronica Mars that she didn't know.

"I don't know what is so complicated. He's hot... he's a movie star and he's obviously into _**you.**_"

As in some alternate universe she was being demoted into having girl talk with a girl who wasn't even her friend about a guy whom she really didn't want to even think too much about. A guy who, ignoring all the voices of reason, she had just made a date with.

_No, this isn't a date. It's just coffee. _

She drifted along in her thoughts trying to mentally drown out Eva who just kept going on and on about how it was so amazing that she knew Connor Larkin and how she couldn't believe how she had kept such a secret from her.

_What is the matter with her anyway. Maybe she's not going to be as good a profiler as I originally thought. Can't she see I don't want to talk about this. I could have sworn she got that memo earlier._

Eva must have finally sensed her reluctance to talk about the matter or she had suddenly remembered the awkwardness from before because she stopped and looked at Veronica directly.

"I'm sorry, Veronica. I am just going on and on. There is obviously some history there that you aren't comfortable with. I'll just shut up now."

_Maybe she was going to be an awesome profiler after all._

"It's not like that, Eva. It's not what you think, anyway," Veronica said with a large sigh of resignation.

"It's ok. It isn't any of my business. But I just want you to know that if you want to talk about it, I'm here. I mean I know we're not great friends or anything but sometimes it helps to have a neutral person as a sounding board. Besides, you can't keep everything to yourself all the time. Eventually it's going to explode and be a bigger mess than you're able to handle."

Veronica silently wondered if she was getting as much out of her psych classes as Eva obviously was. However, her eyes were grounded in sincerity and they held a genuineness Veronica hadn't seen in ages. She found herself desperately longing for it. She wanted to spill it all right there. She wanted all the guilt, regret, hate, insecurity, and frustration out of her right then. Thinking back to the one time she had confided in Wallace about her rape, she realized maybe opening up to someone wouldn't be such a bad idea. After all, this girl barely knew her and she was desperate for someone, anyone to know the truth. Eva didn't have any pre-conceived notions about who she was or wasn't supposed to be. Then and there Veronica made up her mind. She had spent too many coulda', shouldas' on lack of trust. Maybe she would try something different.

_Maybe some things do come full circle after all._

"You know, Eva, I think I'd like that. You think we could go someplace quiet?"

Eva didn't say anything, just nodded in agreement and smiled a knowing smile. It was almost like she knew what a sacrifice of her former self this was.

_There is no time like the present for new beginnings._

They found a secluded spot under a large oak tree behind one of the lesser used buildings. Most everyone else on campus was either involved in the touch football game going on in the grove or busy cheering it on. Veronica felt there was little chance of them being disturbed.

Veronica started from the beginning, from when she met Lily and Duncan. Once those gates opened it was like nothing could stop the words, the confessions, from spilling out. Eva listened intently as Veronica laid her whole life before her. She cried with her when she spoke about seeing Lily's body and the night she found the real killer, put an arm around her when she talked about her rape and the attempt of another one, gasped when she revealed the reason Duncan had broken up with her, at Cassidy Casablanca's malice and Gory's confession. And then just simply held her hand while she talked about the day she knew that despite it all, her and Logan were meant to share forever, together.

Eva tried to be strong for her new found friend but it was simply impossible to hold back the sobs as Veronica recalled the most painful day of her life and the events leading up to it. In the end all she could do was bask in the wonder that was Veronica Mars. Even after all she'd been through, Eva knew Veronica would stop at nothing to put a powerful Russian mob family behind bars. And all by herself. Eva thought she'd had officially met Superwoman.

Veronica had relived it all. No matter how small or painful the memory was she had made it through and it was surprisingly liberating. With all the lives ruined and bloodshed, she had still had love. She thought back over her recollections of the past hour and concluded that the old cliche must be true: It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Veronica seemed to be healing one small step at a time. As she thought about her non-date with Connor that night she came to a new realization. She had her epic love and there would never, ever be another, never another_** him**_, but that didn't mean she couldn't find just love

_I would have wanted the same for him._

Looking down at the ground, Veronica simply said, "Thank you."

"What are friends for."

It was a statement not a question and Veronica knew she was right. Not since Lilly, had she poured out her heart and soul to someone. And back then it was just about pinky promises and puppy love. It felt good...better than she thought it would.

"Now we just have to make sure you don't back out on your date with Mr. Hollywood."

Eva smirked and Veronica laughed.

"How is it that you know me so well already?"

Eva returned the laughter, grinning from ear to ear.

"Didn't you know Mars... you're an open book."

Laughing again, this time at Eva's poor excuse of a pun, Veronica thought that she was going to be ok.

_Yeah, I'm gonna make it._

Unaware that they were being watched, the two girls continued to talk about everything and nothing. From a place obscured from their view, Agent Ben Espy was studying them. He wasn't quite sure what had transpired but he knew that it had been both personal and profound for Veronica. He wasn't one of the FBI's top agents for nothing.

_She seems vulnerable. Now is the time to make my move_.

He waited for them to get up and then proceeded to casually walk in their direction.

Veronica spotted him first.

"Well, if it isn't my own personal stalker."

But this time there was no sarcasm in her voice, only humor.

"Cadet Mars, Cadet Winston. Enjoying the beautiful weather?"

"That we are Agent Espy, that we are."

"Cadet Mars, I know this is probably a little out of line but I hope you will forgive me in advance."

Veronica looked at him curiously before responding "Yes?"

"The thing is... I was wondering if you maybe wanted to have dinner with me later."

Both Eva and Veronica were taken aback. Agent Espy was apparently asking Veronica on a date.

"Um... I'm sorry Ben, but I already have plans for this evening."

Eva interjected, "Yeah, she is going out with Connor Larkin!"

Veronica gave her a sideways glare, none too happy at her for divulging that particular piece of information.

"Oops, sorry," Eva said with a somewhat guilty but yet mischievous look on her face.

Turning her attention back to Agent Espy, "We are just having coffee. That's all."

Veronica was bewildered by why she felt the need to explain herself to him.

"Oh, well maybe some other time then?"

"Maybe,"

Her curiosity must have been getting the better of her because she could have sworn she just agreed to think about going out with Agent Espy.

_Well, I did want to find out more about him. You must be out of your mind, Veronica Mars_.

"Ok, see you around then."

"Oh, I am sure you will Mr. Stalker," Veronica said with a semi-evil smirk on her face.

Agent Espy left them and before Eva could even open her mouth, Veronica was there to shut it.

"Don't you dare say anything. Don't you start."

Then they both burst into laughter and Veronica couldn't remember a time when she had laughed so much in one day.

"Come on Veronica, let's get you back to the dorms before you get asked on any more dates."

The girls laughed again as they made their way back to the dorms, reveling in their new found friendship.

Veronica prayed there wouldn't be any lurking paparazzi outside the tinyl hole in the wall coffee house she had suggested to Connor as their meeting place. It was small and unassuming and that's why she had chosen it. Of course he could have been followed even though security has been exceptionally tight since he had been at the academy. She decided not to take any chances and wore a lightweight hooded sweatshirt and a baseball cap pulled down over her eyes. When she arrived she didn't see Connor so she took the liberty of finding a table in the back, away from the all too open windows.

Connor had a hard time finding the place. He had decided to chance going out on his own, without his body guards. He figured Veronica preferred it that way. She never liked the spotlight and had simply loathed it ever since Logan's death. He understood. Looking around, he barely recognized her. He chuckled to himself thinking she looked more like she was going to rob a bank than meet an old friend for coffee.

He simply smiled, "Hey Veronica."

"Hey Connor."

"Listen, I'm sorry about today. I didn't know your roommate didn't know about Logan. I'm really sorry I brought it up," Connor said with all sincerity.

Veronica was determined not to let awkwardness win out. This was going to be normal non-date if it killed her. She smiled a small smile.

"Connor, it's ok. I told her everything after you left. It was actually kind of nice to get it off my chest."

"So you're ok?"

Veronica wasn't quite sure whether he was asking about today or about life in general. So she decided just to get straight to the matter. If she didn't, they would just be dancing around the subject all night. She took a pause before releasing the breath she had been holding since... well she wasn't quite sure when to be honest.

"I'll be ok..." Veronica started, her eyes cast down at the table. " Logan's death was... is hard to bear, but I've realized I have to move on with my life. I'm sure it's what he would have wanted."

Connor eyed her curiously.

"So are you still in love with him?"

Veronica was a little shocked.

"Wow, you get right to the point, don't you?"

"I'm sorr...,"

Veronica interrupted him.

"No, it's ok. I can actually talk about it without crying and that's a big step for me."

She smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"To answer your question, yes. I will always love Logan Echolls. And not once since the day we first kissed did I ever stop. But I have to keep living, if nothing else, to make sure the world realizes what a great man Logan Echolls truly was, and not what they write about him. I don't want them remembering him as an out of control train wreck who couldn't wait to throw himself off a bridge. I want everyone to know that he was a loyal, self-sacrificing, man who loved with his whole heart. And a hero, my hero..."

Connor looked at her, not really knowing what to think. He knew the fire in their relationship had been fierce, often resulting in accusations and distrust but he never really new the depth of Veronica's feelings until now. Sure he knew Logan's, he had know him long enough to recognize that there was something in his eyes when he was around Veronica that had never been there before. Even with Lily. A look of adoration, fire, lust, passion, and love all rolled into one, reserved just for Veronica. He had seen him try to make a life without her after she had made it clear she wanted nothing else to do with him. He had obviously failed in a big way. So why now, was she sitting here singing his praises like Logan was the one great love of her life. He may be pretty but he wasn't stupid. There was something going on that Veronica wasn't sharing. Of course there always was with Veronica Mars.

Connor decided not to press the issue, instead just suggested that they order their coffee as he flagged the waitress. They spent the rest of the night talking and laughing about a little of everything. They even reminisced fondly about Logan and his parties and poker games. They talked about day they first met when she had come to the set of his movie trying to figure out who had stolen the poker money. He had confessed that he thought she was hot even before her considerable sleuthing skills and obvious poker prowess were put to work. She had blushed, telling him that she didn't even have to tell him how hot he was with his incredibly tight abs, and beautiful movie star face, he already knew it. He laughed and she had blushed again, and it went on like this for hours. Before they knew it, it was four hours, forty-five minutes and about ten cups of coffee between them, later.

Veronica, realizing how many cups of coffee she must have drank, said laughing "Well it's a good thing I don't have classes or training tomorrow, because I think I will be up all night."

Connor smirked, "Well, we will just have to do something productive with our time."

Veronica caught herself blushing for about the hundreth time that night, silently wondering how he could keep doing that.

"Since you seemed to be already dressed for the occasion, why don't we go for a..." glancing at his watch before continuing, "midnight stroll."

The past five hours had served to further her sense of healing, and if it was possible, even seeming normal at times. Well as normal as her normal would allow, anyway. His light heartedness and their ease of conversation had partially breached her defenses. She had heartily agreed to the walk, the worries of lurking paparazzi just a faded memory. They had walked for what seemed like forever before ending up back where they started, in front of the coffee shop.

"Well I guess this is the part where we tell each other goodnight and I get to kiss you. " Connor stated matter-of-factly, but with a twinkle in his eye.

"No, you only get to kiss me good night on a _**real **_date."

There was that darn blush again. It seems Connor can reduce even the most strong-willed vixen types into giggling school girls.

_I guess he's not Connor Larkin, sexiest man alive for nothing_.

And yet, Veronica wasn't intimidated. After all, to her he was just a friend of a friend.

_There is no reason to be nervous, right?_

"Oh, you're going to play hard to get. I like it! I guess I'll just have to take you on a _**real**_ date, then. Tomorrow night. Pick you up at 6:00, wear something elegant, preferably of the low-cut variety."

Connor winked as Veronica smacked him on the arm, playfully.

"I guess since you never made it a question, I can't refuse, then"

"That was the point."

They both smiled, eager to see where this was taking them, eager to move into more than just 'friends of a friend' status.

"Tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow, then."

With that they both got into their cars and parted ways, neither of them noticing the camera in the bushes inevitably capturing their not so private moment.

To be continued...

Comments... I really do write better and faster with them, so pretty please...


	9. Chapter 9

**Characters:** ensemble, This chapter: Logan, Agent Espy,

**Disclaimer: **Nope, still don't own Veronica Mars or any of the characters.

**Summary:** Logan finds out his life is in danger.

**Warnings**: This chapter deals with the subject of suicide. I hope this is not offensive to anyone. I don't mean for it to be.

**A/N: **Thanks so much for all the reviews!!! Please keep them coming. It makes me want to write more and sooner!!

**Character thoughts are in italics.**

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_**2 years and 5 months ago**_

Logan sat in the living room of his new beachfront house, examining the contents spread across the coffee table, drinking whatever was in his glass. These days he wasn't too particular. Whiskey, gin, vodka, as long as it was hard and numbing, he didn't care. He had finally moved out of the Neptune Grand because there were just too many memories. Duncan, Cassidy, Kendall, but mostly Veronica. She was everywhere, in every memory, laced into every piece of furniture, every wall. And god... he hated that damn door. She had used it so many times to walk out of his life. He just couldn't stand to look at the theoretical divider between what she was willing to give and what he was willing to take, anymore.

He had thought by moving out he would be able to start anew, maybe even find love somewhere else, with someone else. But who was he kidding? It wasn't the Presidential Suite at the Neptune Grand that Veronica was woven into, it was his very being. Their lives had become so intertwined he couldn't distinguish his life with her from his life without her. Well if it wasn't for the gaping hole in his chest, anyway. Even when they weren't together their hearts had always beat the same rhythm, their lungs sharing the same breath. Or so he thought. Which is why it was so hard to believe that she didn't feel the same way anymore. She just couldn't.

So now, he was staring intently at the countless photos, schedules, and notes given to him by the private investigator he had hired to follow Veronica, still looking for answers to his blatantly rhetorical question. Why? Logan knew he was obsessive and he could care less. He had spent the last year of his life trying to figure out why Veronica, his Veronica didn't care anymore. Hell, he knew what she had said at the Grand that night, and even at her apartment the morning he had confronted her. But they were epic and he had to believe that. Something had to be keeping Veronica from wanting any contact at all. He could read Veronica's nuances like a book and he'd seen the desirepassionloveforeternity in her eyes that day. Even when they weren't together they had often reserved their best demeaning material for each other. An odd game of sadistic foreplay. She hadn't even been doing that. In fact the morning he came to her apartment after the altercation in the Hearst café was the last time they had spoken.

And then his brain, which he tried unsuccessfully to keep from working, thought of the letter. That damn letter. That soul-wrenching, gut-twisting, heart-tearing letter. And in her own handwriting, too. Like she had taken extra special care to sever his heart into intricate pieces that only she could put back together. And she was never going to. He'd never be whole again, she had made sure of that.

_Damn her_.

Ever the masochist he dug out the letter for about the thousandth time since he received it last month. Maybe he was just hoping he had read it wrong, that somehow the words had miraculously changed.

_Logan,_

_I was hoping it wasn't going to have to come to this but you've left me no other choice. I know you hired a private investigator to follow me, the business really is close knit you know. Please stop. I don't know any other way to put it any clearer. I don't love you, not like you want me to. _

_There is something that you don't know and I haven't had the heart to tell you before now. I've been keeping in contact with Duncan. I'm sorry Logan, but I love him. I love Duncan. I always have and I always will. I know that you think I'm just searching for normalcy but that's not it. He's coming home one day and I promised I would wait for him. I can't have you getting in the way of that. _

_I know what you are thinking- that I could never be who I truly am with Duncan. But the truth is, I don't want to be that hard-edged, revenge-motivated, misgiving girl anymore. I am not Lilly and you are not Duncan and we should stop trying to pretend that being together would help us move past from that. Please, if you love me the way you say you do, you will let me go and be happy. I can find that with Duncan. I know I can. _

_I am truly sorry, Logan. I never wanted to hurt you._

_-V_

His name at the bottom was still smudged, like she had possibly shed a tear, but that would be quite the farce. She meant for this letter to rip out his heart and it served its purpose all to well.

_Bitch._

Logan angrily stuffed all the private investigator's information back into the plain manilla file folder and downed his drink. He'd been through this routine before, always ending in the same result. Him, drunk, angry, heartbroken.

He must have passed out because when he awoke he couldn't quite remember where he was. Of course that wasn't unusual. Most nights he would pass out after drinking himself into oblivion, just trying to forget. He was always afraid that he would turn out like his father yet here he was thinking he should have been more worried about turning into his mother. He didn't even have the decency to get drunk in a bar or with Dick, anymore, instead just preferring to sit alone with his demons. Hell, it's not like anyone cared anyway.

When the haze of his drunken hangover finally lifted he realized he really didn't know where he was. He was in a bed, a twin bed, in a room with bars over the window. He tried to recollect the events from the previous night but to no avail. Was he in jail? If he was, it didn't look like any cell he had ever seen the inside of and he considered himself an expert. Just then he heard voices outside the bedroom door. Two male voices from the sound of things.

_Great, what have I gotten myself into this time?_

Logan slowly opened the door, careful to look in both directions for any danger. He had been in enough fist fights to know it's always the ones you don't see coming that do the most damage. Ever so slowly he crept out of the bedroom hoping to find the front door and make a break for it before he found out how bad his situation really was. Of course, he wasn't even sure what that even was quite yet.. There was always the possibility he had gone home with some floozy and passed out. Yet, he still had on his clothes on from last night and considering himself that probably shouldn't be the case. The more likely explanation is that he was in some sort of trouble.

Just then a man in a dark grey suit turned the corner, shocking them both.

"Mr. Echolls, you're awake."

Logan tried to find the nearest exit. He needed to get out of there and fast. A man in a suit, calling him by his last name in a house with bars on the window could never end good. He'd seen enough movies to know that.

"Mr. Echolls, I'm Special Agent Ben Espy with the FBI," confirming the fact by flashing Logan his badge.

Looking at him with both confusion and disbelief, Logan seemed to require a further explanation.

"You are in a FBI safe house. Would you mind sitting down? There are some things we need to discuss."

Logan just nodded, still deep in thought, as the agent directed him to the living room. Another agent joined them.

"This is Special Agent Bill Caffery."

Both the agents took seats on the couch, adjacent to where Logan was seated on an identical couch separated only by a small coffee table. A million things were going thru Logan's head.

_Was Veronica ok? Did they find Duncan? Did they find his mother's body? _

Agent Espy began.

"Mr. Echolls, Agent Caffery and myself are with the FBI's Witness Protection Program."

Logan's irritation was evident in his tone.

"Well, I didn't witness anything, at least anything I remember anyway, so can I get the hell out of here?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Echo...

"For god's sake, call me Logan. You make me sound like my dad and we all know what a compliment that would be." Logan snapped while simultaneously rolling his eyes."

"Ok, Lo-gan."

Ignoring Logan's earlier comment about leaving, Agent Espy continued to explain the situation.

"Have you ever heard the name Sorokin?"

"Ummmm... no... are they my biggest fans or something?" Logan replied, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

Agent Espy took a deep breath and kept giving information in the most professional way possible, ignoring Logan's obvious disrespect for authority. He had been warned about that.

"Well Sergei Sorokin is the boss of a crime family in Brighton Beach, NY."

"Crime family? Like the mob?"

"Yes, the mob. Specifically the Petraslovskaya bratva... very dangerous people. They run things in Brighton Beach as well as having a pipeline of illegal activities to their native Russia."

"Sounds scary," Logan said flatly. "I still don't get what this has to do with me."

"Well, apparently, you assaulted Sergei's son, Gory Sorokin. Ring any bells?"

"Ahhh, yes, the voyeur. He had it coming to him."

"Mr. Ech... er, I mean Logan, I don't think you realize the gravity of the situation. There has been a hit put out on you. They decided to wait until the fallout from the fight to clear before making their move."

"Oh, come on. I just beat the kid up. It wasn't that big of a deal. You mean to tell me they are willing to kill me over it now?"

"Logan, if there is one thing you need to know about Sergei Sorokin, it's that he doesn't like to be made an embarrassment of."

"Well, he should talk to his son, then. He's the one who got his ass kicked in front of everyone."

"Apparently neither Sergei nor Gory see it like that. They want you to pay...with your life."

Logan couldn't help but to stare in disbelief. Of all the ways he thought he would eventually die, being assassinated by the Russian mob wasn't one of them. Of course the way his life has been going, he can't say he is entirely surprised. There was always an unexpected catastrophe looming on the horizon.

"So, what am I supposed to do?"

"The way I see it you have two options. Option one, you could go back to your normal life and expect to die within a matter of weeks or option two, you could go into the program with us and start a new life for yourself."

"That's it? No option three?"

Agents Espy and Caffery just stared at Logan, trying to make him see that this was no joking matter.

"Ok, well... I guess I'll take option two. My life sucks and it's not like anyone would care if I'm gone anyway. Wait, I'm not going to have to be poor, am I?"

Agent Espy continued to be immune to Logan's sarcasm.

"You have two days to get everything in order. There is a couple of more things, though. First, you can tell absolutely no one what we have discussed today, nor that you will be going anywhere. Just go about your business like you would any other day. You can transfer some money into an offshore account that we have set up for you. We will make sure there isn't any paper trail. Second, and I am afraid you aren't going to like this one, we have to fake your death."

"What!"

"We have to make sure no one, and I mean, no one, especially the mob or a nosey little blond detective of the female persuasion comes looking for you. To accomplish that, we have to fake your death and we have to make it truly convincing."

Logan just stared at the agents and muttered under his breath.

_Right... like she would actually come looking for me._

"What the hell, like I said, it's not like anyone would care that I'm dead. Except Dick, he will hate surfing alone. And it will probably be better for... wait, if the Sorokins are threatening me, won't they go after Veronica. After all she was the one... the one who the fight was about, anyway."

Logan wasn't sure if he should tell the FBI the whole story. He was still a little wary of any type of law enforcement and didn't want to get Veronica into any trouble with them. She was capable enough of that on her own.

"Miss Mars isn't in any danger. There hasn't been any plans for an attempt on her life or anything else for that matter. Just yours, for obvious reasons."

"How can you be sure?"

"If the time comes when we think Miss Mars is in any kind of danger, we will be just as proactive with her as we have been with you."

Logan wasn't totally at ease but there was no reason to turn Veronica's life upside down if there wasn't cause to.

"So... how am I... Logan Echolls, bad boy extraordinaire, going to die anyway? Oh, oh, do I get to choose.?"

"Suicide."

"What? That sucks! No way!"

"We figured it would be believable and the chances that someone figuring out that it was a set up are almost zero. And of course in the way we're proposing, it wouldn't be unusual for there not to be a body."

Logan quirked an eyebrow at that last statement. He wasn't sure what was more disturbing, the fact that it would be believable that he committed suicide or the fact that the agent was eluding to his mother.

"No, I guess not."

"Logan, I'm sorry, I know this is sudden, but if we want this to work, we have to get going."

Logan stared down at the floor for a long moment, trying to absorb everything he had just heard. He made up his mind.

"Let's do this then. Just tell me exactly what I need to do."

The next two hours were spent carefully going over every detail of the fake suicide. Logan felt a little sick at the irony of it all. The FBI was going to use his own personal tragedy to make the situation more believable. They had everything planned, down to the smallest detail. They told him that he could write notes to whomever he wanted. As Logan began to think about the possible notes he would write, he began to have second thoughts.

"I don't think I can do this. I mean, not this way."

"Logan, I just don't see any other choice. I know it's going to be hard..."

Logan's head fell and an intense sadness overcame him.

"You don't understand. She'll think it was her fault."

Agent Espy was a smart man. He knew exactly who and what he was referring to. Trying to be as sympathetic as possible he responded.

"You will just have to make sure she understands, in your note that is."

Logan, head still down, just nodded. He didn't know why he cared so much. She didn't. Hell, it would probably make her life easier... for her and Duncan. He needed to get the ball rolling. If he had anymore time to think about it he would talk himself into thinking Veronica was still in love with him and for some reason trying her best to push him away.

_No, no second guesses. Let's do this._

The next two days Logan went about his normal schedule, save a few details. Agents and Caffery tailed him closely while he went about the business of closing out his current life. He really only had three things to do. Go to see his lawyer, write those notes... heck, there were only going to be two of those, Veronica and Dick, and the last... well the last thing was something he wasn't even sure he would be able to.

The visit to the lawyer's office didn't take long. He already had most things the way he wanted to leave them. Veronica had been the beneficiary of his estate since his father died and that was the way it would stay. He left a small amount of money and the apartment in New York for Trina and his new beach house to Dick. Besides the money that the FBI secretly filtered out of his account everything else would belong to Veronica. Despite everything, she was still the love of his life.

_It was never Lilly...it was always Veronica._

Writing the letters was harder than he had originally thought. He must have started Veronica's a hundred times, each ending in the same result... wadded up in the trash can. Agent Espy would be sure to burn them later. If he was anything, hewas thorough. He finally decided on a simple one-liner. Every time he tried to write anything longer, he would break down, a mixture of wanting to tell her to go to hell and wanting to tell her the truth at the same time. Paper seemed like such an empty medium to convey everything she had ever meant to him. And at this point, confessing his undying love was just a moot point anyway. Then there was that little thing of probably never seeing her again. She might not take that hard, but he would.

Dick's letter was a lot easier. He was pretty simple guy, and his letter reflected that. He just wished Dick could visit him where he was going. Logan had been informed that he would be living somewhere in South America, on the ocean, where the surfing was perfection.

_Maybe this won't be terrible. It does have its advantages. _

He also learned that Agent Espy would be living with him for a while, just to make sure that the Sorokins or anyone else wouldn't find him. He guessed, too, so he wouldn't change his mind and make a run for it. Then all their hard work and the taxpayers money would be down the drain.

There was just one thing left to do. He wanted to see Veronica one last time. Agent Espy had protested but they had finally come to a compromise. Agent Espy would accompany him in an inconspicuous vehicle but he wouldn't be able to talk to her. Logan accepted that, he just needed to see her. Being the good agent he was, Agent Espy had found out that Veronica was meeting her friend Mac at a pizza joint downtown. The place had outdoor tables on the sidewalk and he had made sure the hostess had seated them there.

Logan sat in the backseat of the car and watched Veronica with a heavy heart. They were parked across the street and down a little so she wouldn't notice him but he could have sworn that she kept looking around like she knew he was there. He tried to memorize every look, every movement, just to take it with him. He noticed she didn't look happy, like she hadn't slept and wondered what case she was working on that had her so down. She seemed to force her smiles when Mac would talk and her body language was screaming of discomfort. Logan wished she was happy. He wanted to see her one last time, happy, and know everything was going to be ok... for her at least. But that was the way with Veronica. You never knew what you were going to get from day to day. But Logan was sure of one thing... she would get the bad guy, this bad guy, the one she was obviously losing sleep over. She always did.

Agent Espy looked at his watch and mentally debated about telling Logan it was time to go. The guy just looked so sad and contrary to what most of the other agents thought of him, he did have a heart. It's just that his mission was always the first priority. He looked in the rearview mirror, which he had refrained from before now, trying to give Logan some privacy, to see him crying. He immediately felt a pang of guilt as the humanness of Logan suddenly became front and center. As they pulled out of their parking spot he heard Logan whisper "I love you, Veronica," and started to wonder how it was that he could still feel so strongly for her after everything that had happened. If Logan only knew what he knew. Agent Espy wasn't lost on the tragedy of it all.

_It's for the greater good. The greater good, remember that_.

The time had come. Logan had agreed to wait in the car while the scene was set. He didn't want to be there anymore than they wanted him to be. It was nighttime and he was parked in the driveway waiting for Agents Espy and Caffery to finish. The plan was to leave as soon as they had slipped out of the house giving him the signal. He was trying hard not to think about everything and wished they would hurry before he changed his mind. If he had known what they were planning to do, he would have. Logan would have never agreed to the drugs, or the Piz/Veronica tapes. It would have been too much for her. But as it were, he didn't know.

The only thing Logan was aware of was that they were going to leave his lighter on the coffee table. His mother's lighter. It was his most precious possession, but he didn't want any reminders of his past life. He was starting new. Truth be told though, he wanted Veronica to have it. He knew she would take care of it for him. And if by some chance, some miracle, their love was truly epic, he would get it back from her. But if he was honest with himself, he never really expected to see it again... or her again. His heart literally ached with the thought.

The agents came out of his house unnoticed under the cover of darkness. Giving Logan the signal they made their way to the car down the street that was waiting for them and got in. Logan sighed, took one last look at his house and headed to the Coronado Bridge.

_Showtime._

To be continued...

Comments... stone throwing... anyone...


	10. Chapter 10

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Logan, Agent Ben Espy, Agent Caffery**

**Summary: The events after Logan's supposed death**

**Disclaimers: I keeping wishing, but they still aren't mine.**

**A/N: I am addicted to feedback so please leave lots of it. It inspires me to write more and quicker! Thank you to all who have taken the time to do so. It means a lot!**

**I'm sorry if this chapter seems choppy. For some reason I had great difficulty in writing it. I think because I needed to get certain points of the story out for later and I just couldn't quite figure out how to do that without telling you outright. I hope it's not too bad, though.**

**Character thought are in italics.**

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Agent Espy surveyed the room checking for anything out of the ordinary. It appeared to be like all the others, untouched. Content that it was safe, he motioned for Agent Caffery and Logan to come in. Logan did a once over, the sides of his mouth turning into a smirk like it always did when he was about to say something sarcastic.

"Wow. With the government's big budget, you would have thought they could have sprung for a little better place."

"Logan, it's only a block from the beach. You can't have everything, you know." Agent Espy responded blandly.

Logan's smirk remained firmly in place but inside he was drowning in sorrow. He knew all to well he couldn't have everything. The important things always eluded him. So instead he played the part he had spent years perfecting, the jackass with the over-inflated ego part.

"Why not? Despite the recent, rather unfortunate, turn of events I_** am**_ still an Echolls. And we Echolls have certain standards. Besides, can't very well bring the senoritas to this dump."

"Well, I'm pretty sure they don't call them that in Portuguese but no matter because there won't be any coming here any time soon. As for the living arrangements, you'll just have to make due."

Agent Espy considered himself to be a great study of the human condition. He watched Logan intently as the battle of emotions played themselves out within him. He knew that he wasn't always as strong as he seemed. He felt sure that the more time he spent with Logan Echolls, the more that particular truth would become evident.

After a couple of minutes of arguing about who would get which room, the agents finally decided to let Logan have his way. All of them were just too tired to deal right now anyway. There was only two bedrooms but Agent Caffery would be leaving in two weeks, providing nothing out of the ordinary happened. One agent would have to be on alert at all times, so Agent Espy and Agent Caffery would just have to alternate between the couch and the remaining bedroom. As lead agent, Agent Espy decided he would take the first shift. He was pretty sure fighting off exhaustion would be his only worry tonight.

As the quietness of the night began to overwhelm the cottage, Agent Espy's thoughts began to wander back through the events of the previous day. He let himself contemplate the look Logan had in his eyes as he looked at him in the car's rearview mirror. He was confused at the time, not knowing how Logan could feel that way about Veronica Mars after everything. Well, at least what Logan knew everything to be. Come to think of it, he was pretty sure he didn't know what everything was, either. This mission was pretty departmentalized, he reported to one person and that was all. Of course, when dealing with organized crime, that was the way things usually went. There was always the possibility of a mole, and no one wanted to take that chance with this case. After all, they were playing with fire here and not just with the criminals.

The next morning Agent Espy awoke to Agent Caffery making coffee, trying to scan the morning paper for any hint of the events back in Neptune. They had to be very careful not to allow Logan to see anything regarding his death or other things for that matter. It would be too easy for him to just fly the coop so to speak and risk all their hard work and planning. He could ruin everything.

Agent Espy grabbed a seat at the kitchen bar and addressed his counterpart.

"I am assuming everything went fine after you relieved me."

"Yes, nothing out of the ordinary, boss."

"Good. That is just the way I intend for it to be."

Of course, Agent Espy had inside information. He knew the chances that the Sorokins would come after Logan were slim. And not just because they thought he was dead, either. There had never been a hit put out on him. Sure they had threatened his life at one time, holding it over Veronica Mars' head like a black cloud of doom, but since she had kept quiet they had no reason to get rid of him.

However, the FBI's task force on the Petraslovskaya bratva had come up with some interesting information from one of their many wires taps. Their boss, Sergei Sorokin was worried about some rather damning information coming out. Information that would put him and his brother in jail for a long, long time. And that wasn't all he was scared about. Apparently a second player, a big one from what they could gather, had threatened him against harming the holder or holder's father of said information.

As the task force began to dig deeper in their breakthrough it became clear that there would need to be a small team assigned directly to this case. They had tried for so long to put the Petraslovskaya bratva crime boss and anyone related to him away for good. They saw this as their best opportunity and unfortunately Logan Echolls would just have to be collateral damage. Their plan was intricate, sensitive and borderline unethical but it was a matter of national security. Agent Espy made a great addition to the team. Newly graduated from the academy he was at the top of his class. Extremely smart but more so he seemed to be very willing to do whatever it took to accomplish the mission. The case always came first, no matter what. And he was young. He was exactly what they needed.

Agent Espy knew all the basics of the operation. He knew that why he was keeping Logan hid in South America that others on the team would try and extract information from Veronica Mars. Unfortunately they had it on good authority that she wouldn't trust the FBI with any information regarding the Sorokins regardless if Logan was dead or alive. But with Logan out of the picture they figured there would be no reason for her not to divulge the information to someone. So their plan was to plant a listening device on Logan's headstone in the event that she would share her deepest, darkest secrets with him in death. Really, they were taking a huge chance since all they knew for sure is that Veronica had some sort of confession from the Sorokins and that it was big. They were hoping that their elaborate plan would pan out. If not, there was always Plan B.

The next two weeks went smoothly and Agent Caffery left. He was ready to leave. Trying to keep Logan indoors and occupied for the past weeks was a feat in itself. He was glad that he wasn't the one to have to stay with Logan. Keeping him from trying to sneak in papers from the outside was another thing that was exhausting. He really was smart and resourceful when he wanted to be. But now, thank God, he was Agent Espy's problem. Agent Caffery was never so glad of anything in his life.

A few weeks after Agent Caffery left, Logan was allowed some semblance of freedom. He spent every morning surfing, letting the calming effect of the ocean envelope him. He imagined that every wave carried one trouble after another away into the open sea until it was just him and the water. This was his solace. As long as he had the ocean, he just might be ok, one day. Logan chuckled nervously at the thought that he was holding on so tight to the one thing that could slip thru his fingers even more so than love, water.

This particular morning the waves had been great but there was a void in his enthusiasm. Of all things, he missed Dick. He missed sharing the excitement of a good ride with his friend. But more than that he missed the simplicity of their friendship. Even after everything they had both been through, and as screwed up as they might have been, they shared in the brotherhood of unspoken understanding. Neither one held it against the other nor did they care to speak of such things. And sometimes, that is just what Logan needed. He needed Dick's crazy way of looking at life. He needed him to ride waves and play video games. He needed him to pour them both a glass of Jack Daniel's. He needed him to help him forget Veronica Mars. On the way back from the beach, Logan made a mental note to invite Agent Espy to go surfing with him one of these days.

As the months went by Logan and Ben had become almost friends. Agent Espy had insisted that he should call him Ben and much to Logan's surprise he was a pretty cool guy. He had been a star quarterback in high school and went on scholarship to play at Arizona State University. So when Logan offered to teach him to surf he was thrilled. Growing up in the northeast and going to college in Arizona had not afforded him the opportunity and he was grateful for the chance. He took to it surprisingly well. Logan figured that if you were athletic to begin with you had the upper hand. He wondered if it went the other way around, if you were good at surfing that you would be good at other sports. It was unfortunate that he was never allowed as a kid. His parents always had better things to do.

As much time as they spent in close quarters, Logan was dumbfounded as to how you could avoid certain topics for so long. It had now been almost seven months into his new life and he and Ben had yet to broach the subject of Veronica. He supposed that's what made him a good agent, able to keep it professional even regarding the situation. Somehow they had managed to stick to mostly surfing, sports, and the usual pleasantries. Of course it was always just a matter of time before the subject was brought up.

The two men were sitting on the beach, boards stuck upright in the sand, staring out at the horizon. Lately this had been a ritual with them. Catch some waves and then sit quietly in the sand until they decided it was time for breakfast. But on this particular morning Ben had decided to invade the silence.

"Thinking about Veronica again?"

Logan just looked at him, stunned before responding.

"How did you.."

"That look in your eyes. It is the same one I saw the day you saw her for the last time."

Logan turned his head to look out at the ocean before turning his attention to a rather interesting spot in the sand below him. Ben tried to ease his obvious discomfort.

"I'm an FBI agent, you know, I get paid to notice these things," he tried a unsure smile.

"Yeah, I guess you do. You're really good at it, too."

Logan had a pained expression on his face and Ben was unsure if he had stepped too far across the invisible boundary of taboo discussions.

"It's ok, we don't have to talk about her. Just forget I ever mentioned anything."

There was a long silence before Logan spoke up.

"No. I want to talk about her. I mean... I think about her all the time, as it is. I might as well."

Ben just waited for Logan to begin. He wasn't sure how far Logan really wanted to take their conversation.

"I still love her, you know. God...after all that's happened, I still love her... never stopped."

Ben just listened and waited to see if Logan would continue.

"I just keep thinking... I need to get on with my life. I need to find something... someone to distract me. But every time I think of something I could do, I just obsess about if Veronica would approve or not. And forget finding someone else. Every time I look at another girl all I can think is how she is not Veronica."

Logan sighed in defeat.

"I know... you can say it... I'm pathetic."

"I wasn't going to say that at all."

"It's just that I thought we really were meant to be together... that we were epic. Especially after... after... well after everything."

"I don't want to go all shrink on you, man, but do you want to talk about it? About everything, I mean."

Logan looked up again at the horizon, staring hard at the thin line, contemplating Ben's proposal.

"No... not right now. I'm just not ready, but thanks man."

"For what?"

"You know... for making it easier if I ever do."

Logan was astonished at how easy it was to talk to a relative stranger. Of course, that's probably why it is actually was.

"Seeing as how we are roommates and all, I won't even charge you," Ben stated, giving him a smirk of his own.

Both men just laughed, effectively dispersing any remaining tension in the air.

"Now how about breakfast. I'm starved," Ben piped.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Logan shot Ben his trademark grin.

"Government's still buying, right?"

Ben grinned in response. "You bet."

As days, weeks and months put themselves between Logan and his beginnings of a new life, he began to search for some sort of normal, if there ever was such a thing. Ben had thought that there had been enough time to further separate his image from the public so he had been going out more. Surprisingly enough, Logan hadn't spent as much time in the local bars as he thought he would. No, something had changed in him over these past months. He wasn't sure what but he didn't want to drown his sorrows in a bottle anymore. Drinking himself to death wasn't going to change anything. Besides, he had been given a chance at a clean slate and if nothing else, Logan Echolls was a survivor.

Ben would be leaving soon, his year of baby sitting Logan was just about up. Although Logan would never admit it, he was going to miss Ben. They had truly become friends. At first he had been reluctant to talk about Veronica, but over the past three months he had opened up to Ben. He talked about her trust issues, her endless pursuit of truth, her magnetism for danger, and her damn independence. Logan had reminisced fondly on their fiery on/off, love/hate relationship: their endless banter, their first kiss outside a seedy hotel room, their secret bathroom rendevous, his drunken epic speech. But most importantly their seemingly all- consuming need for each other even when they were "off." Logan even ventured as far as telling Ben about that day in the café at Hearst. The day he thought to be the beginning of a new chapter in their relationship.

On the eve of Ben's departure they had gone out to a bar for one last hoorah. They'd met some hot tourist chicks and spent the night dancing away with them. Luckily they didn't recognize Logan and if they did they would have gotten the usual 'I know, people tell me that all the time,' line. Any other night, Logan would have gladly taken one of the girls home with him. After all it was just sex. Usually if he was drunk enough he could pretend that they were Veronica. But tonight was male bonding night. Tomorrow he would be on his own, really, truly on his own. He wanted to savor his last bit of familiar conversation tonight.

"Well that was fun." Ben observed.

"Yeah, we haven't been on a night of drunken debauchery like that in quite a while," Logan replied while handing Ben a beer and before slumping down on the couch in the cottage.

"Dude, I totally can't believe you didn't bring that chick home! She was hot!"

"Bro's before ho's dude. Tonight is your last night here." Logan said leaning up and tapping Ben's beer in a toast.

"That it is."

Both men sat quietly, unsure of what to say. They were pretty sure this would be the last time they would ever be able to talk, much less hang out. Logan didn't have many real friends in his life but he considered Ben to be one of them. Hell, he had told him more things that he had ever told Dick or Duncan for that matter. Of course Duncan wasn't always open to his revelations about Veronica.

Logan spoke up.

"Thanks man, you know, for watching out for me and well you know...everything."

"Hey, no problem. I know you would do the same if the situations were reversed."

"Riiiiiggggght, me as a FBI agent. Now that I'd like to see."

"You never know Logan. You could do anything if you put your mind to it. That and realized that you are worthy of a decent...no a great life. You've got to stop beating yourself up man. What's past is past. You've got to start looking towards a _**real **_future."

"Dude, I get it. You can get off your soap box now."

"Do you Logan? Do you really get it? I'm not trying to be an ass here, but you've got to move on without her. She's not coming back to you, man. As far as she's concerned or the rest of the world for that matter, you're dead. Logan Echolls is dead. Take this chance and make it count. Make it matter."

Logan just looked at the floor, dejected. This is not how he pictured his night.

_Maybe I should have brought that chick home after all._

"I'm sorry, man. I consider you my friend and I just think you deserve better than one-night stands and empty aspirations. You deserve love, too."

Logan looked up at Ben and for the first time there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes. He wanted to say so many things but couldn't.

"So this is what having a mature friendship is like? You actually say things to try and make me feel better instead of 'Dude, that sucks.' And here I thought that's all there was," Logan said suddenly laughing.

"Yeah, I guess it is. I didn't sound too gay, did I?"

The two men couldn't contain their laughter.

"Maybe, just a little."

"Echolls... you're all right."

"You, too, Agent Ben Espy, you too."

They spent the rest of the night drinking, playing poker, but most of all laughing. Logan couldn't help but to think that things might be looking up.

_Maybe my life won't be so bad after all._

The next morning Ben left to go back to the FBI. He had been gone a little over a year and despite missing his friend, he was anxious to get back to the real action. After exchanging hugs and pats on the back, Ben had given Logan a phone number to reach him at in case there was ever an emergency. But both men knew that this was probably the last time they would ever talk. Logan was on his own now.

The long plane ride back proved to be quite a challenge for Ben. It gave him too much time to think over the events of the past year. Despite his mantra, 'It's for the greater good,' he began to feel increasingly guilty. He wanted to keep everything on a purely professional level but that proved to be hard even for 'Agent Tin Man' as he was called back at the academy. Referring of course to their thought that he was without a heart. And maybe he was. I mean, what kind of man could to that...this to someone he called his friend? What kind of man could be a part of something that was destroying two people who were so desperately in love with each other by keeping them apart? He guessed, him. He sighed and repeated his motto in his head, trying to remind himself why he was even doing all of this.

_It's for the greater good. It's for the greater good. _

Ben drifted off in sleep trying hard _**not**_ to remember the promise he had made his friend right before he left for the airport that morning.

"_Ben, will you promise me something?"_

"_I'll try."_

"_Promise me if you ever cross paths with her that you'll find some way, any way of making sure she knew I never stopped loving her. Not once."_

"_I promise, Logan."_

"_And one more thing."_

"_Anything, friend."_

"_Make sure she's ok."_

"_Don't worry Logan, I promise."_

The plane landed and Ben was immediately brought in for debriefing by the top secret team assigned to the Sorokin case. Apparently things hadn't went so well topside while he wasted the days away surfing with Logan. Agent Karnes, his immediate supervisor, was none to happy with the lack of developments. However, there had been one bright spot. One of the tapes from the cemetery had revealed Veronica's plans to apply to the FBI Academy. Now they could get close to her and use her information to their advantage. When she graduated from the academy they would put her on an organized crime task force and partner her with Agent Espy. She would have no choice then but to use her information. She would after all be a FBI agent herself. But that wasn't the only part of the elaborate Plan B.

Agent Karnes addressed Ben directly.

"Agent Espy, it's going to be your job to get close to Miss Mars. Do whatever it takes, do you understand?

"I understand, sir."

"We will get these s.o.b's once and for all, whatever it takes," Agent Karnes said seemingly trying to reassure himself and everyone else in the room.

"Yes, sir."

There was a reluctance in his voice and Ben hoped no one in the room picked up on it. He was suddenly trying to remember why he wanted to be an FBI agent in the first place.

_It's for the greater good. For your country. Remember that_.

What he'd really wanted to know is how he was ever going to keep his promise to his friend, and if he really ever intended to at all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Five months later**_

Logan strolled up and down the little shops along the main boardwalk of his adopted home. Despite living here for a year and a half he rarely ventured this far. He was pretty sure by now no one remembered him and if they did it would be fairly hard to recognize him anyway. His hair was almost blond now and he was even more tan, both from spending almost everyday at the beach. When he was out, he went by the name Brody Lester but when Ben was here he always insisted on using his real name while at the cottage. But Ben had been gone for almost five months now, and it had become increasingly difficult to try and retain his old identity.

As he went in and out of all the shops he thought back on what Ben had said about his life. Over time he had come to believe maybe he was right. He was a long way from having a normal, happy life but he at least needed a hobby, something to set him in the right direction. Mindlessly he wandered into a small surf shop. It was painted the color of the ocean and was filled with the most awesome surfboards Logan had ever seen. They were even strapped to the ceiling, giving him the feeling that he was drowning, but in a good way... drowning within the waves. There was just something about this place. Logan felt at home for the first time in forever. There was even a building in the back where a handful of skilled craftsmen handcrafted and detailed the boards. It was then that Logan noticed the 'for sale' sign in the window. He hadn't noticed it on the way in but there it was, staring him in the face, trying to tell him something. Before giving it a second thought he asked to speak to the owner and agreed on a price. Logan was to be the proud owner of his very own surf shop. He would worry about the details, like how to run a business, later. Right now, he was basking in a new purpose.

Later on that evening Logan wanted to celebrate. He decided on the Italian restaurant he had seen earlier on the boardwalk. He wished he had known it was there months ago. He was getting tired of the local fare and since he couldn't eat shellfish, that made the pickings slim.

Arriving at the restaurant, the hostess seated him at a table by the window. The view was perfect. The sun was starting to set and was making a beautiful wash of pinks and oranges across the sky, blending delicately into the deep blue ocean. A single line of sunlight bounced off the water and seemed to be aimed straight at him. He really thought it was magnificent. The waitress came to his table and introduced herself. She was an American which was both a pleasant surprise and a definite worry. In the back of his mind he was afraid someone would really recognize him and he wouldn't be able to talk his way out of it. But because he was supposedly dead, it had been easy to convince the few that they were look-a-likes.

The waitress, who said her name was Amanda, smiled at him when she brought him the glass of red wine he had ordered. She was beautiful and her smile made it even more true. Tall, leggy blond with blue eyes and a great tan. She looked like she spent a lot of time at the beach. She openly flirted with Logan and of course he couldn't help but to flirt back. Their mutual flirtations eventually led to playful banter and Logan began to find himself quite at ease with her. Sure she looked a little like Veronica and their back and forth reminded him of a happier time but she didn't carry herself like Veronica. No, this one, Amanda, took on a life of her own. She had a gentleness, an openness about her that made him want to latch on and not look back.

Logan had enjoyed himself more than he had in a long, long time and he had Amanda to thank. When he asked for the check, Amanda returned with it and her phone number.

"No pressure, just call if you want."

"I'd like that, thanks," he told her, flashing his thousand watt smile.

He couldn't help but get the feeling that this could be the beginning of something good, maybe something great. As he left the restaurant and walked back up the beach, he reflected on the events of the day. He was now a proud business owner and had met a great girl. Things were starting to look up for him. Today was a good day... and maybe tomorrow would be another one.

To be continued...

Comments... they make life so much nicer...


	11. Chapter 11

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Veronica, Connor Larkin, Logan, Amanda, Eva**

**Summary: Veronica tries to move on with someone else and Logan is forced to face the inevitable.**

**Disclaimers: If I owned them, there would be at least ten more seasons of VM.**

**A/N: LoVe fans, please don't hate me. I mean, after all, for them to be truly epic they have to face the fire. And as always... a BIG thanks to my reviewers. You are the best!! **

_**Present**_

For the first time in a long time, Veronica awoke with a smile on her face. A smile, consequently that had been put there by none other than Connor Larkin.

_What are the odds of that?_

She was in awe of the strange twist of fate that had seemingly healed a little slice of her broken heart. It wasn't much but it was a start. And even if things didn't work out with Connor, she knew that it really was possible to try for new beginnings.

Although it was close to two am when Veronica finally rested her head on her pillow, she still got up at seven, needing to go for her morning run. Her dedication to her purpose never wavered. If she graduated at the top of her class she would be assured the best assignments, one's that possible included organized crime. Despite the five hours of sleep, Veronica was refreshed and looked forward to her morning ritual. Besides, the track was where she always did her best thinking.

_And I have a lot to think about this morning._

Before she went, Veronica decided to check her email since she didn't get around to it yesterday. One from her Dad, one from Wallace, and one from Duncan.

_Great, Duncan_.

She kept trying to tell herself it wasn't his fault. After all he had twisted the theoretical knife in Logan's heart, unknowingly. But she couldn't help but to feel like he would have licked the stamp and held her hand while she mailed it, had he been there. Of course then that got her to thinking that if it hadn't been believable, Logan would have never accepted that letter as truth in the first place.

_Damn Duncan for making her want and try to fix the future with the past. Damn Logan for giving up so easily. And damn them both for making her want normal as her watchword. _

Veronica tried to put off the inevitable stream of self-condemning thoughts for later. She clicked on Duncan's email. Each time she opened one of his emails she expected to find him pleading for them to have a 'talk.' A talk about something else besides the weather in Virginia and the size of her classes. But since she'd been here, that's just what he stuck to. Until today. Here it was. The plea for 'the talk' and a request for a visit.

_Can't he just call. I'm sure I can tell him just what he wants to know over the phone. Ugh, I'll deal with him later. I need to run._

When Veronica got back to her room it was after nine o'clock and Eva was just getting out of the shower.

_I better get prepared. I know the third degree is coming._

"Veronica, Veronica. You bad little girl. Are you just now getting in?" Eva said with a teasing grin.

_God, she's a sound sleeper_.

"No, Eva. I just came back from a run, thank you very much," Veronica said matter-of-factly.

"Soooo, what time _did_you get in Ca-det Mars?"

"Boy, you really are nosy, aren't you?"

"Ok, whatever, " Eva said rolling her eyes. "My roommate just went on a date with_ People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive_! Yeah, I'm gonna want to know every detail."

Veronica laughed.

"Well, since you put it that way..."

"Did he kiss you?"

"Hel-lo, do you want to hear my story or not?"

"Ok, ok, fine. But if he did, you better tell me," Eva said as she pushed out her bottom lip in a pout.

"We talked... about a lot of things. It was nice. And then around midnight, we went for a walk."

"And then?" Eva could barely contain her excitement.

"He asked if he could kiss me."

"So was it awesome?!"

"I didn't say I let him." Veronica said with a wry grin.

"Ohmygod! Connor, freakin' Larkin asked you if he could kiss you and you didn't let him? Veronica Mars. I'm starting to think you ought to be my first 'head case' to profile."

"I told him that I only kiss on real dates."

"Ok, I'm going to skip over the part about that being completely untrue and skip right to the part about what he said. So... what did he say?"

Eva was growing more giddy by the minute, if that was possible.

"He wants to take me on a real date."

"I think I'm going to faint. Please tell me you said yes, please, please!"

"We're going out tonight. He's picking me up at six," Veronica said nonchalantly.

The last part of Veronica's sentence was drown out by a high pitched squeal.

"So I'm hoping your excitement means that you'll help me go shopping for a dress."

"Ummm, yesssss! This is like the greatest day of my life!" Eva said clapping her hands together.

Veronica looked at her confused.

"Your life?"

"Yeah, didn't you know I am living vicariously thru you?"

Both girls busted out laughing.

One dress, a pair of shoes, and hours later the girls fell back on their respective beds in exhaustion.

"I didn't know shopping could be so much work," Eva observed

"I did. It's always work when I do it. That's why I rarely go."

"Well, you should do it more often. That dress you got looks absolutely amazing on you."

"It does, doesn't it," Veronica said with a sideways smile.

Eva wasn't sure but she could have swore she caught a twinkle in her eyes. She was happy for Veronica. It was about time something good, really good happened to her friend. At least something to serve as a distraction against the nightmares that had plagued Veronica's slumber lately. Eva had been woken up on more than one occasion by a frantic gasp followed by Veronica desperately trying to wash whatever memory it was away with the frigid water of the sink. She was sure that she would deny it if she asked her about them, but she couldn't help but wonder which event had chosen to invade Veronica's dreams with such intensity.

_It's now or never_.

"Veronica... are you ok? I mean... at night... you don't seem to get much sleep," Eva stumbled over her words.

Veronica's eyes widened. She apparently wasn't as stealthy as she would like to think she was. That and Eva wasn't as light a sleeper as she had previously thought.

That girl never ceases to amaze me and that's saying a lot.

She thought intently, fixing her gaze on a spot on the wall just above Eva's head.

"Thursday's his birthday... Logan's," she added as if Eva wouldn't already know who she was talking about.

"He would have been twenty-three," Veronica said, unwavering.

"Are you dealing ok?" Eva asked, hoping to tread lightly.

"I'm going out with Connor aren't I," she snapped.

Veronica was immediately sorry.

"I'm sorry Eva. It's just that I've always been better at dealing with my problems myself. I'm not used to letting anyone else in. Not even those I loved the most..." Her word trailed off as she tried to keep the tears from falling.

Eva's heart broke for her friend.

Well If she doesn't want to talk, at least maybe I can keep her mind off of it.

"Well come on girl! Let's get you in that sexy dress! You have a date!"

Veronica had never been more grateful for Eva than she was in that moment.

Promptly at six o'clock there was a knock at the door. Veronica answered it seeing as Eva had left to give them some privacy. Connor stood on the other side, his jaw dropping when he saw her. Her dress was a black halter dress in a tight material with a chiffon overlay. Both layers of material were ruched all the way down to her knees, clinging to every curve. The halter created a deep V in the front and Connor was sure he'd never seen anything so sexy. Veronica's hair was put up in a bun but she had soft tendrils of golden blond hair framing her beautiful face. He struggled to find the words.

"Um... You look... breathtaking."

His trouble with his speech gave Veronica a boost in self-confidence. Standing before her was a man who had been around many of the world's most beautiful women and she had made him practically speechless.

Yeah, if that doesn't boost a girls esteem, I don't know what would.

"So I'm taking that my dress is low-cut enough," she said laughing.

Connor gulped

"Yeah, I think that dress was made just for you."

He looked up at Veronica, smiling at him, and he was sure this was just the beginning of a magical night.

"Ok then. Let me just wipe up my drool and we can get going."

He and Veronica laughed while she grabbed her sweater and purse before leaving.

"So how are we going to keep all of your crazed followers... I mean adoring fans at bay tonight?"

She had said it in a teasing tone but Connor knew how much Veronica valued her privacy. The last thing she would want is for the tabloids to catch wind of this.

"You let me worry about that tonight, Miss Detective."

"Oh, but it's Miss future FBI agent to you, Mr. Hollywood," Veronica said giggling.

"You just think your sooooo funny," Connor said as he joined her in laughter.

"Now we better get going, Mars. I'm sure you'll be expecting me to feed you."

Connor held out his arm for her in a gentlemanly fashion.

"Right. I'd forgotten you've seen me eat," she said with a smirk as she grabbed his arm.

"Don't worry, we'll have all the food to ourselves."

They both burst into laughter before heading on what looked to be a promising date.

As they got out of the car at their destination, Veronica scanned the area for any signs of lurking fans or greedy cameras. True to his word, Connor had made sure they were alone on their date. He had made faux reservations at a restaurant, made sure the rumor mill knew he was going to be there and then sent his limo, too. But Veronica thought the funniest and consequently the most endearing, was the fact that he borrowed one of his bodyguards cars to take them on their date. Connor had gone to great lengths to make sure Veronica felt comfortable, including driving a Honda Accord to their destination.

_I don't know any other girl in the world who would actually feel more special by riding in a Honda as opposed to a limo. Yeah, I will never be truly normal._

Veronica looked up at the large bricked warehouse in front of them. It looked rather abandoned and she wasn't quite sure what they were doing there. Connor saw the confusion in her stare and reached out for her hand.

"Come on. Let's go. I've got something to show you."

She was a little reluctant until he flashed her that million dollar smile.

_What girl could turn that down_.

They went into the building and up what seemed to be some sort of cargo elevator. They stopped at the top floor and Connor led her around to the stairs. As he opened the door to the rooftop she stood still, rooted in amazement. It had been transformed into a miniature city of lights. White Christmas lights adorned dozens of various sized topiaries and beautiful paper lanterns in every shape were draped across the sky. It was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen. And there in the middle was a small round table complete with a white linen tablecloth and champagne on ice. As they stepped out of the doorway, a single violinist began to play and had it not been for her heart telling her otherwise, she would have thought she'd died and went to heaven.

Connor directed her over to the table and pulled out her chair for her. He then took his own seat across from her and spoke.

"So, do you like it?"

"Connor, it's amazing. You shouldn't have gone to so much trouble."

He gazed intensely in her eyes.

"Veronica, you're worth it. I've always thought so."

She looked down at the table and blushed, unable to hold his stare. She wasn't sure if it was out of modesty or fear. Fear of becoming attached, fear that, if she wasn't careful, she'd slide right back down into the pit she has been desperately trying to climb herself out of.

Connor snapped his fingers and moments later a waiter in a white jacket and red bow tie stood before them. He popped the champagne and poured them both a glass. He asked Connor if he was ready for dinner to be served before making his exit.

As Veronica stared across the table at Connor who was talking about the upcoming movie she couldn't help but think that this was almost perfect.

_Almost. _

But she wasn't going to think about that. Not tonight. Tonight she was going to throw caution to the wind and push all thoughts of _**him**_ back in the recesses of her mind until another day. Tonight she was just a girl and Connor was just a guy and they were having just a date.

_Ok, one of the most romantic dates ever, but still_.

The waiter returned with two plates, pulling Veronica out of her thoughts and back into reality. They went all the way thru a three course dinner, talking, laughing and without any uncomfortable silences. It never ceased to amaze her how easy they carried conversation. Before, she would have never even pegged him as a 'talking' kind of guy.

After dinner, Connor stood up offering her his palm-up hand.

"Dance mylady?"

"Of course, kind sir."

They smiled at each other as he pulled her close, keeping his hand in hers and sliding his other arm around her waist. Veronica followed by putting her free arm around his neck, settling into a comfortable embrace. The violinist continued to play as they began to succumb to the moment. She lifted her eyes to join his and he took that as an invitation. He leaned down and placed a light kiss on her lips. Veronica pulled back slightly, looking intently at his lips while she waited for the war in her mind to play out. Not wanting to necessarily wait for the outcome, she pulled him back down for a deeper kiss while she tried to push out the constant flashes of Logan.

As if Connor sensed some sort of hesitancy, he pulled back and looked at her. His gaze was deep and sincere.

"We can take things slow. We don't have to rush anything."

Veronica was touched by his obvious astuteness and the genuineness in which it was portrayed.

"Connor... you're a wonderful man. Of course you probably hear that all the time," she told him while still locked in their dancing embrace.

"Not from anybody like you..."

Veronica could feel her cheeks turn a deep shade of pink.

_Boy, he always knows just what to say_.

They continued to dance, enjoying one another's company, completely unaware that they were being watched.

Connor pulled into the parking lot of Veronica's dorm before getting out of the car and quickly moving around to open the door for her. He reached for her hand, pulling her up and into him. Veronica suddenly found herself back into the arms of a gorgeous man and loving almost every minute of it. He reached down and pushed a stray hair out of her face.

"I had a wonderful time Veronica. Could I see you again?"

Veronica found his slightly unsure tone endearing and smiled up at him before wavering slightly. He heart was racing with Connor so close and the guilt was swirling around in her stomach. She tensed up and tried to withdraw from him but his strong arms stilled her. He tilted her chin up and leaned in for good night kiss.

"No ghosts, Veronica... it's just you and me and a world of possibilities."

His kiss had been soft and gentle, assuring her in his own way that things could be good between them if only she'd allow it.

"Yes... I'd like that."

Veronica slept like a baby that night. For the first time in years her slumber was filled with dreams instead of being plagued by nightmares.

The next morning went on like every morning since Veronica had come to the academy. Only, for the second day in a row, she awoke with a smile on her face. She went for her usual morning run and came back to shower before heading off to class. On Mondays she had class all day so there wasn't much free time. By the time she was leaving her last class she saw Eva sprinting across the lawn at her with a look of pure horror on her face. She was clutching what looked like a newspaper or something in her hand. Realization dawned on Veronica before Eva even reached her destination and a feeling of dread washed over her

_Oh God. This is not happening. Not now. Please, not now_.

Eva looked at Veronica's face. She was sure that she knew what was coming. After all, she was no stranger to unwanted attention. It didn't make her feel any better, though. She hated to be the one to break it to her.

"I'm sorry, Veronica, but you should see this," she said while holding out the paper for her to see.

There it was. It was worse than Veronica had imagined and the timing just rubbed salt in an all to open wound. She should have never went out with Connor.

_What were you thinking Veronica.? Fate dealt your hand long ago and happiness wasn't part of it. Why did I even try?_

Eva observed Veronica. The color had drained from her face and she looked as if she would lose her lunch any second. Her stare was empty and Eva was beginning to get worried.

"Come on Veronica, let's get you back to your room."

She didn't say anything, just went mindlessly with her roommate desperately trying to forget that tomorrow things would be very different.

When they got back to their room, Veronica looked at the caller ID from her cell phone. Nine missed calls.

_So I'm guessing everyone else has seen this, too. Great_.

She turned off her phone without listening to any messages and grabbed a towel. Eva, sensing she needed some time alone told her she would be back later and left. Veronica went into the bathroom, locked the door and got undressed. She would deal with the rest of the world tomorrow. Right now, she would let the water from the shower be her escape. It wasn't long until a flood of salty tears mixed with the scalding rain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The streets of Rio De Janeiro were filled with colorful and interesting people. That was probably no more true than in Lapa, the neighborhood Logan and Amanda currently found themselves in. The bars and shops had a decidedly bohemian flare to them and so were their inhabitants. Logan reached for Amanda's hand and squeezed tightly, his reflexes acting as a result of a rather large scary looking... man? It wasn't if he was really worried that something could happen to her in broad daylight in an otherwise semi-safe neighborhood, it was just his protective nature. As she turned to look at him, a demure smile gracing her face, he wondered why it was that he couldn't bring himself to move beyond the 'just friends' stage.

_What is wrong with you Logan? She's beautiful, smart, funny, talented... _

If he was honest with himself, he already knew why, just refused to acknowledge it. He'd worked to hard to find the precarious balance of happiness he'd found himself in lately. He just didn't want to risk having to take any steps back.

They had been friends for almost a year and while Logan was certain that Amanda wished it were more, she had never pushed him. They've never talked about his past or why it is that he can't bring himself to go on a real date. They've definitely never talked about Veronica. She's no dummy, though. She had let him know that in so many words one night about three months ago when they both had a little too much to drink.

_**Flashback**_

They had spent the day surfing and hanging by the ocean. Both Logan and Amanda were having a good time just talking and laughing.

"Let's go out on the town tonight," Amanda suggested.

"I don't know. Do you think they're ready for us," Logan had asked teasingly.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "For me, probably not, but for you... I don't think it takes much to get ready for a stick in the mud."

Logan grasped his chest in mock hurt and smiled at her mischievously. He leapt at her, tackling her in the water.

"Just for that, I'm going to show you how much of a good time I can be." he said as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Now that's more like it," Amanda said as she laughed. "Well, let's get going. You need to primp!"

Logan just laughed and grabbed their stuff, heading back to his house.

They spent the evening drinking and dancing in every bar they knew of. It had been a long time since Logan had gotten drunk. It was a needed release. And Amanda was fun to be around. He guessed that's why he liked spending so much time with her. He had never let their relationship become sexual, though. He valued her friendship too much. It was a nice change of pace to have a girl for a friend. Maybe one day he could feel more.

The duo crashed into Logan's around three in the morning both drunk, their laughing carrying loudly through the house. Logan went to the fridge and grabbed two beers before joining Amanda on the couch. The air suddenly become quiet and the mood turned serious. He felt her staring at him and turned to look at her. Their eyes met briefly and she leaned in to kiss him. He started to lean towards her but then jumped back, taking in the hurt in her eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her.

"I'm sorry, Amanda. I really am. You're great... it's just that I..."

"You know, whoever she is, you can talk about her to me." She smiled at him sincerely. "I mean, above all, we_** are**_ friends."

"She... who...?" Logan tried to act dumb.

"Come on Brody... The girl you can't get over. The girl who you are so obviously still in love with."

He hung his head in shame. Was it really that obvious? Was he really that easy to read? Or maybe it was just that hard to hide his feelings for Veronica.He should at least try. After all, she was probably playing house with Duncan and little Lilly by now. Logan cringed at the thought.

"I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't."

Amanda looked at him and a pang of sympathy washed over her. She reached over to hug him.

"It's ok. I just want you to know that I'm here if you ever need to talk... about anything."

He feigned a small smile.

"Thanks."

"If it's ok with you, I'm gonna stay here tonight."

"Sure. You know you are always welcome here."

And with that she got up and went into the guest bedroom leaving Logan to silently wonder what the hell was wrong with him.

_**End Flashback**_

This trip had been a nice departure from his somewhat mundane life. The business was doing better than ever and he had hired a full time manager to help him look after things. Amanda had surprised him with it for his birthday and he was glad to be able to go. He had been a little reluctant at first, it would be his first trip into a large town. He wasn't sure if that made him more likely to be recognized or less likely. Regardless, he had spent the past two and a half years closed up in a place time seemed to have forgotten. Rio certainly didn't fit that same mold. He was afraid of what that just might mean.

"Brody, I have to use the restroom."

"That's fine. Let's go in that store." he said, pointing to a small convenience type store. " I need something to drink anyway."

As he paid for his drink he stood by the counter waiting for Amanda. Out of the corner of his eye, something, or rather somebody, caught his eye

_**Veronica. **_

She looked more beautiful than he ever remembered in his dreams. However, his face got pale and he felt the bile begin to rise in his throat after further inspection of the tabloid. There she was, kissing Connor Larkin in what looked to be an extremely romantic setting. Whatever pains he had taken to try and repair his broken heart were suddenly toppled. Tears threatened to spill over in his eyes making it hard for him to read the headline. Along with two pictures obviously from two separate nights was a headline in Portuguese: _Connor Larkin's new love interest is none other than ice queen Veronica Mars. _A million things were going thru Logan's head.

_Connor? But what about Duncan? I thought she loved Duncan. Ice queen, what's that all about? And why in the hell would she go out with Connor??_

He just couldn't wrap his mind around it all.

Logan needed to get some air and fast. He darted out the door into the street trying to regain his composure, trying to keep his world from spinning. Amanda stepped out of the door, curiously looking at him. His face was still pale and he looked like he might cry.

"Brody... are you ok? What's the matter... you look like you just saw a ghost."

"I... I just... I just realized something."

Confused as ever, Amanda just looked at him.

"Yes?"

Before she could say anything else Logan grabbed her shoulders and pulled her flush against him, kissing her with such need she thought he just might crush her. He didn't want to think. Everything was suddenly becoming clear. He needed her right then, needed her almost as much as he would always need Veronica. He needed her to help him move on, to move forward. He needed her to help him forget about the past and live for the future. Veronica obviously had.

After the lack of oxygen became too much, he pulled away leaving her breathless.

"Wow... That's... that's some realization!"

Amanda wasn't sure if that was the truth or the truth he wanted them both to believe but she would take it none the less. She'd waited a long time for this moment and she wasn't about to ruin it with thoughts of doubt.

"Come on, let's get back to the hotel." Logan smiled suggestively at her. "And I don't think we are going to be needing that extra room tonight."

Amanda felt her heart do a flip flop as she tried to contain her excitement. They were finally going to be more than friends. Of course, she was already head over heels in love with him. She just hoped that this meant he would soon feel the same way. Maybe this meant his heart would soon belong to her. But she could wait. After all, she had waited so long already.

To be continued...

Comments... concrit... I love it all...


	12. Chapter 12

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Veronica, Ben, Keith Mars, other original characters.**

**Warnings: I rated this chapter PG-13 just to be on the safe side. There is slight cussing and mentions of sexual situations. It really isn't anything major, though.**

**Disclaimers: I don't own Veronica Mars or any of the characters from the series. I only wish!**

**A/N: I heart all of my reviewers!!!! I even love my readers who don't review! Anyway, thanks to all of you who have taken the time to review. It really makes my day and keeps my little fingers working faster.**

**Special thanks to my reviewer, JynehLa, for pointing out that I forgot to change Logan's name to Brody when Amanda was addressing him directly in the last chapter. I went back and fixed it. I just get so caught up sometimes.**

**Ok, nuff said. On with the reading. I hope you all enjoy!**

**As always, characters thoughts are in italics.**

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It had been four months now since Veronica had graduated at the top of her class from the FBI Academy. And by some strange twist of fate she had been assigned to the organized crime unit. When she first decided she'd wanted to join the FBI this had been exactly what she had in mind but she never dreamed it was going to be this easy. Now she would have all the resources of a government agency at her disposal. Getting revenge for Logan and herself was becoming more and more possible.

Agent Espy, Ben, as she referred to him when they weren't working, was a part of the task force, too. He was assigned to a different team than she was, though, so she barely saw him at work. But they spent quite a lot of time together outside of the office and in a strange way Veronica couldn't be more pleased. He was charming, witty, and full of himself, always keeping her on her toes. In some small way he reminded her of Logan.

_They would have probably gotten along well if they'd had a chance to get to know each other. _

Of course her and Ben were just acquaintances.

_Ok, maybe friends but definitely nothing romantic. _

After the whole Connor fiasco she had sworn off men, again. At least for quite a while. It was really a shame because Veronica had really liked Connor. Well at least the way he looked at her, like she was something special. She missed that.

When she arrived at her small cubical this particular morning there was a message for her.

_Special Agent Mars-_

_Meeting today 10:00am_

_Conference Room C_

_Classified_

_I wonder what that's all about? _

She sat down at her desk, rummaging thru some files.

_Useless, all useless. _

She just couldn't figure out why she couldn't seem to run across anything on the Petraslovskaya bratva. The task force had files on every other crime organization in the U.S. except them

_I wonder if the mole has been funneling the information out. _

Veronica had found out early on through her own investigations that there was a mole within the FBI walls. One who was under the thumb of her not-so-favorite Russian family. She didn't know much, only that he was very good and that he was a higher up. It was for this reason that she had kept all of her personal files on the Sorokin family a secret. Absolutely no one knew she had those files. In fact the only one who knew she was even investigating them was Eva.

_Eva. _

Veronica missed her friend. After graduation, Eva had gone on to more specific profiler training in Los Angeles, while she was sent to work at FBI headquarters in Washington D.C. They talked often, but neither dared to bring up Veronica's ongoing investigation for fear of being found out. The stakes were just too high.

The ten o'clock hour was nearing soon so Veronica made her way to Conference Room C. That particular room was on the top floor, completely removed from the everyday going-ons at the FBI. She got off the elevator and turned the corner only to find an agent blocking the doorway.

"I'm Special Agent Veronica Mars. I'm here for a meeting."

"Badge, please."

Veronica showed him her badge and after examining it thoroughly he stepped aside to let her in the door. Looking around, she saw Ben and a man she recognized as Agent Karnes. She didn't know a lot about him, just the fact that he was a supervisor of some sort. And he rarely did any fieldwork. There were two other agents there that she didn't know. Agent Karnes spoke first.

"Agent Mars, please have a seat. I'm Agent Karnes and this is Agent Lewis and Agent Caffery," he stated pointing to the other men. "And I think you already know Agent Espy."

Ben gave he a small wave and she just smiled back, silently wondering how much Agent Karnes knew about her personal life. Agent Karnes continued.

"I'm sure you're wondering why you are here, so I'll get right to it. We represent a special team directly assigned to a Russian mob group called the Petraslovskaya bratva and whose crime boss is one Sergei Sorokin. Ever heard of them?"

Veronica paused ever so slightly. "Just strictly by reputation, sir."

"Well anytime an organized crime unit is considered to be a direct threat to national security we compartmentalize all things related to them and form a special team. You're here because you've done great work thus far and because Agent Espy says you're trustworthy. So are you interested in joining our team?"

Veronica couldn't believe it. It looked like things were actually going her way for once. This was definitely the window of opportunity she needed.

_What are the odds of that? _

"Yes, sir. I won't let you down," she said, but for some reason she was a little uneasy about the whole scene. Things seem to be falling perfectly into place, maybe a little too perfectly.

"See that you don't Agent Mars. You will be partnered with Agent Espy, here, and he will fill you in on all the specifics."

"Yes sir, Agent Karnes."

"One more thing Agent Mars, I don't need to remind you what a sensitive matter this is. Very few people outside of this room even know what we are assigned to. Let's keep it that way."

"Of course sir."

And with that the other three men in the room left, leaving her and Ben alone.

The next three hours were spent catching her up to speed on their current investigation and the dangers the Russians posed. Veronica studied the information carefully, mentally logging the things she herself was unaware of. She was actually a little surprised to find out that she knew things the FBI didn't. She could use those to her advantage during the investigation, but there was no way she would let anyone know she was doing it. For now, until she could flush out the mole, she would continue to keep her own files a secret, even from her partner. She still had that uneasy feeling like something just wasn't quite right and she was determined to find out what it was.

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The next couple of months had served to progress two things: the investigation of the Sorokin family and Veronica and Ben's relationship. Both had been slow on the draw but quickly picking up pace. The late night evidence sessions and all night stakeouts were critical to their work but also seemed to jump start their non-platonic friendship.

Ben was beginning to get closer to Veronica but he was constantly aware of her protective shield. He had to find some way to get through it, get through to her. Ben knew things were getting complicated and he tried not to think about it. He didn't want to push things with her but he needed the information she had on the Sorokins. He needed her to trust him and fast. They were running out of time, so he'd just have to do whatever it took, ignoring whatever guilt possessed him.

One night, late in April, while her and Ben were undercover at bar in Brighton Beach they noticed that Boris Ilyitch, Sergei's under-boss, was celebrating his birthday. Veronica's mind starting running a mile a minute until she came up with an idea.

A_ tricky, dangerous idea that just might work. _

She had to do it alone, though. As close as her and Ben had gotten, she still didn't completely trust him. For one, she still didn't know who the mole was and until she could eliminate him he was still a suspect and second, if he knew what she was planning he would be completely against it. And if she had to guess the third but probably most important reason is that she just didn't trust people in general, especially ones that wanted more from her than she was ready to give.

The next day Veronica looked in the phone book for a store that supplied the necessary equipment for what she needed. Luckily she had been able to convince Ben to go on back to D.C. without her and she would rent a car and drive down the next day. She told him that she wanted to go do some shopping in the city and it helped that it was a weekend. Ben had looked at her with a knowing smile and it unnerved her a little. She wasn't sure if he knew that she was up to something or if he was trying to play the part of the understanding boyfriend.

_Ok, maybe not boyfriend... partners, lovers... friends with benefits. _

Whatever they were Veronica didn't want to analyze it. It felt good and it felt right, for now, and that's all she needed to know. Besides, she was no stranger to not trusting someone she was sleeping with. And just maybe she could wheedle something classified out of him one night.

Ben knew that Monday was the anniversary of Logan's death. They had never talked about it, never uttered a word about Veronica's past life in general, but he was a FBI agent after all. It was his job to know things. She was sure he knew all about it. And the fact that he had never brought it up made her admire him even more. It was like he could read her almost better than anyone. Veronica wondered how he seemed to know just how to react or not to react to her all the time. If she hadn't already met the one man that could set her soul ablaze she might have thought that Ben could be that one. But she just couldn't bring herself to think of him like that.

_Maybe once your fire goes out there's no way to rekindle it, at least not with the intensity in which it once burned_.

After coming out of the store with what she needed, she headed back to the hotel room to change. Getting into character was easy, she had done this once before. Well, maybe not to this extent, but still. She donned her jet black wig, tight white button up, plaid tie and matching pleated mini-skirt. While adjusting her white thigh highs and garters she glanced in the mirror and then slid on her knee high black vinyl boots.

_Yes, Boris is just going to love his birthday present. _

Even if she would have had to guess, she would have said that shady, perverted mob types loved strippers dressed as school girls, but she didn't have to. She knew Boris had a thing for them. Spending the summer in Brighton Beach instead of at the FBI's internship program had taught her that. She knew her Dad would kill her if he ever found out, but that was just one more reason to keep her personal investigation into Sergei Sorokin and his kind a secret. The fact that she knew it had been dangerous was an understatement. But what could she do? She had already exhausted all efforts of finding out the dealings of the Petraslovskaya bratva by using their ties to southern California. She had to make the next step. She never let anything stop her in her the pursuit of Lilly's killer and she'd be damned if she let a little thing like three-thousand miles and a dangerous mob family to keep her from getting revenge for Logan...for her, for them and the promises of what could have been.

Veronica sat in her car staring at Boris' office on the second floor of a Russian coffee house. She knew if she spent anymore time just sitting there she would back out.

_Come on, Veronica. You can do this. It's not like you haven't been up against gun wielding, insane, crime families before. _

She's pretty sure though, well maybe really sure, that the Fitzpatricks had nothing on the Sorokins. But even with all the danger that could be facing her in the very near future it was nothing compared to the anguish of her past. As she tried to prepare herself for the onslaught of emotions that the soon arriving anniversary always brought, she was thankful for the small distraction. That, and the way the adrenaline coursed through her veins during hazardous missions reminding her that in fact, despite the hole in her heart, she was still alive

Strolling up the back stairwell, the one she had stared at way too much during her investigations, she tried to conceal her nervousness.

_This is gonna work. I have to make it work. _

She smiled as the view of the goon blocking the door came into view. Her uneasiness would just have to wait until later.

_It's show-time, now_.

"Hi big guy." Veronica said in her most sultry but innocent school girl voice. "I'm Candy!"

"Can I help you, Candy?" The human guard dog asked eyeing her pervertedly.

"I'm a birthday present for Boris! You Boris?"

"I wish. No, Boris is inside. You wait your pretty little ass here."

The goon went inside the office to make Boris aware of his 'present' before coming back out in the hallway.

"He's waiting, Miss Can-dy."

He took one more ogle at her goods and turned to follow her in the door. She looked over at Boris who was leaning back in the chair behind his desk, a wicked smile on his face. The kind that made Veronica want to run back to her hotel room and take a really long hot shower using lots of soap. He spoke.

"So you're my birthday present, huh? Who sent you?"

"Don't know. I get a call... well I'm sure you know how it works."

"Well, I'm not complain'. A free stripper's a free stripper."

Veronica thought she just might hurl at the way his eyes were undressing her. He seemed to imagining dirty deeds, too, which made her want to hurl even more. She looked at him, trying her best to put her current thought process behind her, and then looked back at the goon who was now standing inside of the now closed door. She quickly tried to think of a way to get rid of him. Her plan would never work if she couldn't get Boris alone.

"Is big boy stayin'," Veronica asked, tipping her head to the guy at the door." 'Cause I may be a stripper but I ain't no voyeur."

Leaning over the desk towards Boris, letting him peer down her shirt, she continued.

"And just wait until you see how much more fun I can be one.on.one."

Boris got the hint.

"Out now," he stated abruptly pointing at the goon.

"But boss..." He was interrupted.

"I said, out now!"

"Yes sir," he conceded as he left the room effectively leaving Veronica and Boris to themselves.

Veronica leaned over and turned on the CD player she had brought with her, releasing the sounds of typical stripper music. Well, what the lady at the store had assured her to be the case, anyway. She went over to the chair and pulled Boris up by his shirt.

"I think we will both be much more comfortable over here," she purred as she pulled him over to the sofa that was in the room.

He looked at her like he couldn't be happier.

_It's now or never_.

Veronica put her boot on the couch right by his face to distract him while she reached in the other one. Sliding the handkerchief full of chloroform right between her breasts, careful not to breath any in, she leaned over to pull Boris to her. He gladly took the hint and moved his face to her cleavage. He was out as fast as he took one breath and thankfully fell back on the couch with out any loud noise. Now it was time for Veronica to get to work. She didn't have much time before the door goon would be checking on them. She began to look in all the places her father taught her to hide things.

_No use looking in the filing cabinets. They would have to be the most stupid mobsters alive to put the good stuff in there_.

_And if there was one thing she was sure of, it was that stupid they weren't. _

She looked carefully behind each drawer of the desk, searched for hidden drawers and looked in the ceiling tile above the desk, but nothing. She suddenly remembered an old gangster movie that her and Logan had watched together and got an idea. She dropped down under the desk and looked up. She pulled out each drawer one by one until she stopped at the middle one. There, taped to the bottom was a sheet of yellow legal pad paper with a list of about twenty something names. She silently laughed at the predictability of it all.

_Old school mafia and their affinity for cheap strippers and even cheaper means of technology. _

She reached for her camera when she noticed her name at the bottom of the paper. It was written in different color ink and different handwriting altogether. She gasped slightly but reminded herself that her mental questions would have to wait until later. She was pretty sure she had found what she came for, now she just had to clean up and get out of there.

Thankfully another one of those things about predictability is the fact that it makes for great get-a-ways. Apparently Boris always likes to take a nap after his occasional afternoon quickie. Veronica laid Boris out on the couch, undoing his belt for good measure, grabbed her stuff and made a beeline for the door. When she opened it the door goon was still there. She closed the door behind her and nodded in its direction.

"I left him sleeping. See ya' later big boy."

Veronica flicked her hair and turned, making her way to the stairs before he called back out to her.

"Candy."

_Oh, shit._

"Yes big boy?"

He moved toward her and it made her start to panic ever so slightly. When he was in front of her he handed her a twenty.

"You can come.see.me.anytime." he said with a slightly more than just creepy look

_Ok, now I really want to throw up._

"Sure big boy!"

This time Veronica made it down the stairs and back to her car without anymore interruptions.

When Veronica made it safely back to her hotel room she got out her camera and plugged it into her computer first thing. She brought up the picture of the paper and magnified it. Besides the most obvious name, hers, she couldn't help but think that she had seen some of these names before.

_But where? _

There was only one way to find out. She had to go back to Neptune.

She immediately got on the phone and booked a flight from New York City to San Diego. Then she called Ben and let him know that she needed to take a few days off, she needed to go home, and wanted to know if he would cover for her. She knew he would with no questions asked. Next she called her Dad to let him know she would be home tomorrow. She could tell he tried not to act excited because he thought he knew the reason she was coming home.

Veronica hated to admit it, but the timing couldn't be more perfect. Everyone would be thinking she was coming home to visit his grave. It was the perfect cover. Of course she wanted to visit his grave, too. She had missed talking to him. If only it had been that easy to talk to him when he was alive, she might not have made such a mess of things. Absorbing the honesty in that thought, Veronica began to break down. She had been so focused lately, busying herself with the case, with Ben, that she didn't give herself time to feel. After Lilly's death she learned all to well how to bottle up your feelings and hide behind the walls you build around herself. And no matter how much she tried she just couldn't shake old habits.

Arriving back home in Neptune, Veronica rented a car and drove straight to her apartment to see her Dad. Regardless of the nature of her visit she was glad to get to see him. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she needed him... needed his comfort and security. She was long past the days of being held in his arms, telling her that everything would be ok, but his presence brought a calming effect to her

_I guess that what dads do. _

She thought for a second about Logan and Aaron and thought better of that.

_Well, my Dad does, anyway. _

And she was grateful for it.

They spent the evening after she got there eating Luigi's takeout and watching a baseball game.

_Nothing like old times_.

He tried to keep the conversation light and Veronica appreciated his efforts.

"Hey darling favorite daughter of mine."

"Dad, I'm your only daughter," Veronica said dryly.

"Well, even if you weren't, you'd be my favorite anyway."

Veronica snorted with laughter.

"Dad, you're so goofy."

Keith just gave her his best goofy smile and continued.

"I was thinking we go to a game tomorrow. A real, sitting in the stadium, game."

"Um... sorry Dad. I have things I have to do tomorrow."

"Oh," Keith said, looking at her with a slight tinge of sadness.

"You know honey, I could go with you if you want. I mean if you don't want to be alone."

Veronica just smiled up at her Dad, ever grateful that he was in fact her Dad.

"Thanks Dad. But you know I like to go alone," Veronica said frowning.

"Yeah, I know, but I thought I'd ask, just in case you had changed your mind and wanted some company."

Veronica's mouth turned up into a smile.

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Veronica."

Veronica and Keith had stayed up late, partaking in some daddy/daughter quality time, but she still got up early. After taking Backup for a run on the beach, she showered, dressed and ate breakfast with her Dad.

"Dad, you didn't tell anyone else I was coming did you?"

"No, Veronica. I did just as you asked. I didn't tell anyone."

"Thanks."

"You know, Veronica, it wouldn't kill you to talk to your friends once in a while. They worry about you, you know."

"I know Dad. It's just that I can't stand the way they look at me and the pity treatment is just too much."

"And how exactly do they look at you ," Keith asked, looking at her expectantly.

"Like I'm going to break."

Before anything else could be said, Veronica jumped up off her stool, kissing her Dad on the cheek.

"I have to go Dad, but I'll see you later. I might be gone for a while so don't send out the search party, ok?"

"Veronica..." He started in a worried tone.

"I'll be ok. Love you," Veronica told him as she ducked out the door.

Veronica got the bank right after they opened. Making her way to the tellers, she took out her paperwork, then asked to get into her safe deposit box. She went through the normal routine of showing her paperwork and her mother's fake death certificate. She had made it years ago when she first discovered her mother had the secret box, when she discovered the first of her mother's many secrets. Keeping the box to store the pictures in turned out to be a very lucky turn of events. No one, not even her father knew that the box existed and it was in her mother's name. It would make it hard to track if someone wanted to know where she was keeping secrets, dangerous ones.

The lady took Veronica to the vault and they both put their keys in the respective slots. The lady then led her to the table and told her to push the call button when she had finished, leaving Veronica alone. She opened the box. Now along with the pictures of her, meant to scare her mother, were files and files of information, leads, and pictures of the Petraslovskaya bratva and their main boss Sergei Sorokin. She pulled out the blown up picture of the list of names she had found in Boris' office and started sifting through the files, looking for any correlation. One by one she started finding the names from the list in her intel. Some were family of business associates, some were workers at various mob run business and some she couldn't find at all. It worried her, though, that some of these names were crossed out.

_Was this some kind of hit list? _

Veronica would have to check it against death records later.

As she was reviewing the names while searching her files, one name kept hanging in Veronica's thoughts, Brody Lester. It wasn't crossed out. She looked for it over and over in her files, each time coming up empty.

_But I know that name. I know it from somewhere, I'm sure_.

After about an hour, Veronica finally gave up, resigning the fact that it probably just sounded familiar since Lester was Lynn's maiden name. She put the notepad she had been taking notes on in her bag and carefully placed the other files back in the safe deposit box before ringing the buzzer.

Leaving the bank, Veronica made a quick stop before driving to the cemetery. The last time she was there Duncan had brought her. She was a little sad that they had barely spoken in eight months. She had hoped that they could be friends at least. But who could blame him if he didn't want to ever speak to her again after the big argument they had on Logan's birthday. She made the mistake of answering her cell phone without looking at the caller ID. She thought it was her Dad calling right back. He had wanted to seem sympathetic and Veronica wasn't having any of it. Her name was back in all the tabloids, she had just told Connor they couldn't see each other, and it was the dead love of her life's birthday. She just wasn't having the best day. Certainly not one where her ex-boyfriend felt he could just waltz into her life and pick up the pieces. So things didn't go well to say the least

Well, I guess it got him off my back about having the talk. The 'is there a future for us' talk.

Veronica pulled her car off to the side and started the familiar journey up the small hill to Logan's grave. She stopped briefly to talk to Lynn like she always did before finding herself at the foot of his gravestone. Leaning over she placed the flowers she had bought on the way over in the little urn. She sat quietly for a little while before she spoke.

"Hi, it's me. I know I haven't been by in a while. The FBI has been keeping me busy and I haven't been back home before now."

Veronica sat in silence until she could find the words to speak again.

"So... I have good news. I'm on a special team investigating Sergei Sorokin and the rest of his associates. You remember, they're the ones I told you about. Gory's father and uncle and their mob friends. It's made it real handy since I'm still continuing my own investigation. I can't give all my information over to the FBI yet, though. Not until I know for sure who the mole is."

Again silence.

"So I got to dress up like a school girl stripper the other day while I was undercover. You would have thought it was hot. But I'm sure you would have been furious about why I needed the outfit in the first place. I did get some good information though. I'm thinking it's going to be really big. I just have to figure out what it all means."

Veronica laid on her back next to Logan's grave and looked up at the clear April sky.

"Oh, Logan, I miss you so much," she said as tears began to streak her cheeks.

"I keep thinking it will get easier but it doesn't. I still love you so much. Why was it so hard for me to tell you when you were alive?"

As the soft spring breeze blew across the grass and through her hair she tried to think of all the things she needed to tell him.

"Logan, I'm sure I've already told you this, but I'm so sorry for having to have sent you that letter, the one about Duncan. I didn't want to, I really didn't but you were so stubborn, you just couldn't leave well enough alone. I know that was a testament to the magnetic hold we had on each other but it could have gotten you killed." she grew in sadness as the realization of what she had said took over her.

"Well now I see that didn't quite matter, but at the time I thought I was keeping you safe. When Gory found out that you had hired that private investigator to follow me he completely flipped out. He threatened me again. Swore to me he would kill you and make me watch. And I... I believed him."

She was in full fledged tears now, sobbing uncontrollably.

Finally, after time, the tears dried up but Veronica continued to lay there talking to Logan about everything that was going on in her life and everything that happened while she was away until it was time to leave. She leaned up and rubbed her fingers over his name on the stone as she always did when she was there.

"I love you Logan Echolls, I love you."

Knowing her Dad would worry if she stayed out any longer Veronica drove back to her apartment. There her Dad was, sitting on the couch waiting for her like he would be if she was fifteen and on a first date. He stared at her, a forlorn look on his face.

"Gosh, Dad, who died."

"Veronica..." he said in a half exasperated, half warning tone. "I just worry, that's all. It isn't good to try and handle all of this by yourself. I just wish you would talk to me about it."

"Dad, I'm fi..."

He interrupted. "I know, you're fine. You say that all the time," he said, casting a worried look her way.

"Yes I'm fine and now I am taking my fine self to my bedroom for a nap. The flight is starting to catch up with me."

"Ok, honey. I will wake you up for dinner."

Veronica went back to her room and collapsed on her bed, the events of the past two days suddenly wearing on her both emotionally and physically. She stared up at the ceiling and before she knew it she was fast asleep surrounding herself with only her dreams.

"_Logan, where's Lilly and Duncan? Weren't they supposed to pick me up?"_

"_Yeah, but Celeste made them come on the boat with her and Jake. You know how she gets."_

"_Oh, ok... then why are you still here?"_

"_Didn't you know, Mars, I'm here to rescue you from your mundane existence to experience Logan Echolls to his fullest!"_

"_Lily put you up to this, didn't she."_

_He nodded, yes._

"_She just didn't want us to ruin our day at the beach because they couldn't come."_

"_Well, Echolls, since we've been ditched by the Kanes, let's make the most of it!"_

As Veronica continued to dream she saw herself and Logan at the beach together. She was lying around on a blanket reading while Logan was running up to her with his surfboard. They seemed to having such a good time, both laughing, genuinely enjoying each other's company.

"_Those are some great waves out there! I wish you would let me teach you."_

"_No way, Echolls! I am not giving you anymore material to make fun of me with."_

"_Would I do that?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_You know, you are really good, you should consider going pro."_

"_Awwwhhhh, Mars, are you paying me a compliment?"_

"_No, I'm just saying... your good."_

"_Thanks... you know when I was younger I always did want to be a professional surfer."_

"_You did? I never knew that."_

"_I never told anyone... until now. Yeah, I was going to be big... was going to change my name to a really cool surfer name, too."_

"_Oh, yeah, what was this really cool surfer name?"_

"_Brody Lester."_

Veronica woke with start.

"Oh, my God, he's alive! He's alive! How could I have been so stupid?!"

Keith, hearing his daughter screaming came rushing into her room only to find her sitting up in her bed, face white as a sheet, like she'd seen a ghost.

To be continued...

Comments... concrit... they would be greatly appreciated...


	13. Chapter 13

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Veronica, Keith, Logan, Mac, Weevil, Amanda**

**Disclaimers: Still not mine, and I still haven't made any money. Lucky Rob.**

**A/N: I love you guys!!! Thanks for reading and reviewing. My days only get brighter with each review. I hope you don't hate me too much after this chapter. You know how Veronica is.**

**Anyway, I hope you like! Please keep reviewing!**

**Character thoughts are in italics**

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Her Dad looked at her, worry etched deeply in his forehead.

"What is it honey? Who's alive?"

Keith took in his daughter's haggard appearance and sighed helplessly. She had been through so much in her lifetime. Her eyes had seen things most people shouldn't ever have to see much less a twenty-three year old girl. After Lily died and her mother left he knew Veronica felt like she had the Midas touch. Except instead of gold, everyone she touched either died or abandoned her. He was the exception. But he understood her, it's how he knew that she tried to push Logan away. Her love for him was apparent, no transparent. Everyone, anyone could see it. But he knew that she thought that in the end, trying to save him from herself had produced the inevitable undesired result anyway.

Veronica just looked at him, unable to say anything at the moment . The initial shock of Logan possibly being alive was still gripping her firmly. She couldn't tell him. At least not yet. She wasn't positive, although her heart screamed for it to be true, plus then she'd have to tell her Dad about the whole Russian mob thing. And that definitely wasn't happening. So she slid the usual mask in place and reassured him that she wasn't falling apart contrary to the way it appeared.

"Nothing, Dad. I was just having a dream."

"Awwhh, honey, it didn't sound like just a dream. Are you sure you're ok?"

Veronica stared at him resolutely.

"Dad, I'm fine... just a dream... really."

He stared at her gently searching her for any evidence to the contrary. He knew she was lying about being fine but damned if that FBI hadn't taught her well. With Veronica it was always just easier to let things go. It never worked to push her.

"Ok sweetheart. Well, dinner is ready, anyway."

"Great. Thanks Dad. I'll be in there in a minute."

Her dad left, closing the door behind him essentially giving her the freedom to fall apart. A wealth of emotions ran through her like wildfire. Relief, anxiety and confusion all took their turns coursing through her before she settled on a single emotion. Anger.

Veronica was angry. Angry for not realizing it before, angry at Logan for doing this to her, angry at herself for pouring out her every one of her deepest, most intimate thoughts to an empty grave. Most of all she was angry for not being able to sense that he was alive. How could she not? He still had a vice-grip hold on her heart that was never deterred by death, or so she thought, but she couldn't feel that he wasn't gone. For three years she had lived with this albatross around her neck, the guilt always treading just below the surface even after she had tried to keep it from being front and center.

And how could he? How could he do this to her? He had done his best to make sure she felt the same stake in her heart as she had put in his. But hers had been for his protection, stemmed from love. Suddenly she wished he was dead all over again, just so she wouldn't feel the urge to rip his own heart out

_No, I take it back. I don't wish that. How could I even think that? _

A million questions began to rush thru her mind.

_Where is he? Is he in danger? Did the Sorokins know where he is? Who helped him disappear? Should I go to him? One thing at a time, Veronica, one thing at a time._

One thing was for certain, though...Veronica needed to see him, needed to see if it was really true. But she had to be careful. She wasn't sure of a lot of things right now but one thing was evident. His name was on that list for some reason. Boris knew who he was and that couldn't be a good thing.

After quickly formulating a plan, Veronica picked up the phone and made some calls. If she was going to do this, she needed to move fast, before her team thought something was up besides a quick trip home. And before Boris figured out his list had been compromised. She had to leave right after dinner.

Needless to say her father was disappointed with her hasty exit but she assured him that the FBI needed her at their LA office as soon as possible. He seemed to buy it but Veronica hated lying to him. She should be used to it by now, but It never seemed to get any easier.

While she was sitting in the empty parking lot on the wrong side of town waiting him to show, Veronica couldn't help but be crushed by the sudden reality of it all. Logan, alive? Could it really be true or was it only her subconscious trying to trick her? Her heart, in it's own agonizing way, telling her that she would never be able to move on?

The sound of a motorcycle engine approaching kept her from digging deeper in her unavoidable introspective. She reached for the car handle and opened the door just as he pulled up beside her. She slid out of the car and smiled at him as he took off his helmet.

"It's been a long time, V."

"Yeah. About that..."

"V. You don't have to say anything. I get it. I really do." Weevil cracked a smile before continuing, "Besides, I knew you would call me as soon as you needed a favor."

"You know me all to well, Weevil."

She reached out for him and gave him a long overdue hug.

"So, you got what I asked for?"

"Right to the business, huh."

"Sorry, Weevil, but I'm kind of in a rush. I don't have time for old times right now."

He gave her a nod and handed her a manilla envelope.

"I'm used to it anyway. So any chance you're gonna tell me why I had to get you a top of the line fake ID at this time of night. And why, as a FBI agent, you need one anyway?"

Veronica looked at him, tilting her head to the side, smiling.

"No. Didn't think so."

"Thanks Weevil. Listen I need a couple of more favors."

"I should have know this was coming," he said, rolling his eyes.

"They're small, and not illegal."

"But illegal is what I'm so good at."

"Hey, I thought you were straight-laced? New leaf, or whatever. That and Carmen..." she said with a wry smile.

"How did you know about Carmen?"

"Oh, Weevil, did you forget that I'm Veronica Mars. I make it my business to know everything."

Weevil huffed. "Ain't that the truth. How could I ever forget? Anyway, what are these favors, blondie?"

"Use a pay phone to call this number and tell the girl who answers who you are and that I asked you to call her. Her name is Eva. She'll know who you are. Tell her that if anyone asks or if she talks to anyone, I am there visiting her for a couple of days. Tell her I'll explain later, but right now it's just too risky. Then I need you to get someone to drive this rental car down to LA and turn it in at the airport. Preferably a blond, but if you can't get someone like that, have them wear a wig. At lastly, I need a ride to the airport, the private one on the North side of town."

Quirking an eyebrow at her he asked, "You're not getting yourself in trouble, are you V?"

"Please Weevil, can you just do this without any lectures cause I'm really am in a hurry?"

"This wouldn't have anything to do with those Russians would it? If it does, V, you're gonna get yourself killed."

Veronica's face paled as she stared at him in disbelief.

"Russians? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't play coy with me, V, I hear things. Despite my new 'leaf' I am still surrounded by the underbelly of Neptune. Some of my associates have told me that you've been hanging around places that you shouldn't be. But don't worry, they don't like those guys any more than I suspect you do. Besides, I may be an ex-con but I'm far from stupid. I knew something weird was going on with you ever since that day that Logan beat up that kid in the Hearst café. I know who he was, V. Just promise me that you aren't mixed up in this."

"Weevil..." She began before he interrupted.

"I know, I know, you aren't going to tell me. Well, you should at least know this."

Veronica studied him expectantly.

"A couple of my acquaintances were 'in the neighborhood' of you're boys home the night he... well you know."

She winced visibly at the mention of it and it didn't go unnoticed by Weevil. He continued in a softer tone.

"Anyway, they saw two suits coming out of Logan's house that night. The suits got into a car up the street, a car with government plates," he said eyeing her before continuing, " and then they saw Logan pulling out of the driveway."

Veronica looked at him incredulously.

"And you didn't think to tell me this earlier," she asked bitterly.

"Honestly, I didn't find out about it until recently. And then I started asking around about some things... and then you call out of the blue needing favors. I know you wouldn't be asking for these things if it wasn't something personal."

She sighed in defeat. She always knew Weevil was smart... just not this smart. She hoped that was the case instead of her just being that careless.

"Weevil, please..."

"Don't worry. You're secret, or secrets are safe with me... whatever they are."

"Thanks... I think I probably owe you one, now," she said smiling.

Weevil laughed.

"Yeah, probably several. Now get on. I'm sure you have a flight to catch."

Weevil dropped her off at the small private airport. She quickly made her way out to the tarmac where the private jet she had chartered with her new identity was waiting. This was one of those times when having the money that Logan had left to her came in really handy. She didn't like to use it much, only when absolutely necessary. This was one of those times.

As her flight to Semi Valley took off, Veronica laid her head back and went over what Weevil had told her in her head

_Men in suits? Government car? Logan was still there right before they left? If it was the Sorokins they wouldn't have left him alone and they definitely wouldn't be in a government car. That only leaves one... Oh my God! Witness protection. The FBI... _

Suddenly everything began fitting into place for Veronica. The FBI knew about Logan, about the Sorokins connection to him. If they knew that, then they probably knew a lot more about her involvement than they led on. It made sense now... her opportunity of a lifetime with the organized crime task force. They wanted her on it.

_But why? The mole... he wanted to keep her close. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer... the mole was on her team. Of course...he wanted to know what she knows. _

Now it would be more important that ever to find out who the mole was. She thought briefly of Ben.

_It couldn't be him, could it? No, this time I'm not going to accuse without real proof. I've learned my lesson about that. Not again._

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"Thanks for letting my sister and my niece stay here while they're in town, especially since her husband couldn't come with." Amanda said, looking up at him with eyes full of love and gratitude.

"Your welcome. Besides I couldn't have them staying in a hotel alone. It's not safe."

"Yeah, and I could just see the three of us trying to cram in my tiny one bedroom apartment for two weeks. Plus I spend more of my time over here than I do there anyway."

"Yes, you do. And I happen to like it that way," Logan said wiggling his eyebrow suggestively.

"Perv."

"I know, and you love it."

Logan and Amanda laughed for a minute before a silence fell over them. Amanda looked up at him, a seriousness on her face. Logan began to get a lump in his throat at the thought of what was coming.

"You know, I could always just move in here. Since I spend almost all my time over here anyway."

She looked at him hopefully but he wouldn't turn to meet her gaze. The lump in his throat was bigger now, making it hard to speak.

"I can't... I'm sorry... I just can't. It's too soon."

"Too soon? We've known each other for a year and a half, been romantic for almost half of that," reminding him bitterly.

Logan couldn't say anything. He just sat there. Amanda turned away from him and spoke, this time in a much softer, understanding tone.

"This is about Veronica, isn't it?"

Logan turned his head towards her in shock.

"Veronica... how did you..."

"You say her name in your sleep."

He just looked at her, unable to speak.

"And I know your name isn't Brody Lester. It's Logan Echolls and you're supposed to be dead."

Logan didn't seem to be as shocked now. His lump began to dissipate, making it easier to talk.

"How long have you known?"

"For a while, now. I remember you from all the media attention a few years ago. In the beginning I thought you posed a resemblance but I thought it was just one of those freak things, you know. Then we started to spend more time together and you never, ever talked about your past or your family. And then the first time I heard you say Veronica's name in your sleep, I knew. It wasn't hard to piece it all together."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I figured if you wanted me to know you would tell me in your own time."

They sat in silence for a long moment, neither one looking at the other.

"So... about Veronica. I guess you really loved her."

Logan, still staring off, let out a half laugh, half sob.

"Yeah, you could say that."

Amanda sensed that he didn't want to talk any more about it and got up to leave.

"Look... I'm sorry Brody...er.. Logan..."

"You should still call me Brody. It's safer that way."

"Ok. Brody... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought all of this up. I just wanted you to know that you could trust me. I'm not going anywhere. You can tell me everything when your ready."

Logan looked up at her and smiled genuinely.

"Thanks. Now lets go pick up that sister of yours."

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The flight to Semi Valley was short thank goodness. Veronica was anxious to get to Mac's apartment to utilize her expertise. Grabbing a cab from the airport she was knocking on her door in no time. Mac opened the door and smiled.

"Bond... I've missed you."

"And you have no idea how hard it is to find a decent 'Q' around the FBI."

Both girls just laughed as Mac ushered her in the apartment.

"Now are you going to tell me what is so important that you had to covertly fly up here at one in the morning?"

"He's alive."

Mac furrowed her brow, looking at Veronica confusedly.

"Please tell me you aren't talking about Logan. Because if you are, I have a good therapist I could recommend."

"Please Mac, before you turn me over to the looney house, hear me out. And if you don't believe me, I will beg for your help anyway."

Mac sighed.

"Alright, spill it."

Veronica told Mac everything starting from the day Logan beat up Gory all the way to the conversation she just had with Weevil. Mac couldn't believe it. She felt even more sorry for her friend at that moment than she even had at Logan's funeral. She now understood what had been plaguing Veronica all those months right before Logan died. Everything made sense now.

After disclosing all the facts of her case, Veronica wanted to get right to work. There wasn't a second to lose.

"Ok, so here is the list of names I need you to search the death records for."

Mac typed into her computer, checking names against the records.

"Yep, you were right. Every one of these people are dead. All within the last couple of years."

_Ok, so Boris' list is a hit list. That presents a problem since both mine and Logan's name are on it._

"Now I need you to do a search for Brody Lester. It will need to be a world wide search, too."

"That might take a while, Veronica."

"Got any coffee," Veronica asked, flashing Mac a grin.

The girls waited patiently at the kitchen table waiting for the results.

"For the record, I always thought you and Logan would end up together. Even when you were so dead set against ever seeing him again. It's like you two just fit... broken by yourselves, but complete together. And then when he died... well didn't, whatever... I wasn't sure you would make it. One day I looked at you and that fire you always had behind your eyes was gone. It scared me... and Wallace, too. Then we were so happy when you went to the FBI Academy. We thought, Veronica Mars is going to be alright."

Veronica tried to hold back the tears. It was too hard to stay strong anymore. The emotional roller-coaster of the past couple of days were starting to take a toll on her. Just then Mac's computer beeped, jarring her from a complete breakdown.

"One-hundred forty-four. That's how many Brody Lester's there are."

"Ok, let's see if we can narrow this down. Let's take away any who live in a town not near the ocean."

"Much better. Seven."

One of the locales caught Veronica's eye.

Pointing to one, "This one, this one in South America with two addresses. Let's look up and see how the surfing is and see what the other address is for."

With a few strikes to the keyboard, Mac came up with the desired information.

"Looks like the town is somewhat known for it's great surf... and the other address is a business... a Brody's Boards."

"That's it. That's him. I'm sure." Looking at Mac, Veronica continued, "Did I ever tell you that you're the best.?"

"All the time... but it's nice to hear it anyway."

"Thanks Mac. And on that note I have one more favor."

"Anything."

Pulling a small key out of her bag she handed it over to Mac.

"This is a key to a safe deposit box at the First National Bank of Neptune. It's box 203 and it's registered under the name Leinne Reynolds. If anything should happen to me take the contents of that box to my Dad."

"Promise me it won't come to that, Veronica."

"Let's hope not."

Veronica looked at her watch. The two girls exchanged hugs before she had to go.

"One more thing, Veronica. I know you're probably a little mad about everything, but if he is alive, this is your shot at the second chance I know you've been wishing for. After all that's happened, you two belong together... remember that."

She smiled in understanding before leaving to go back to the airport. She had a long night/day ahead of her.

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Logan was pretty surprised at how much he enjoyed having an eighteen-month old around the house. Bella was so innocent and full of life. He tried to imagine that he must have been like that before his father took it away from him. Amanda's sister was nice, too. She was a couple of years older than Amanda but had the same blond hair and blue eyes, only without the tan.

They had decided on an all day excursion at the beach. The weather was perfect and Logan couldn't think of a better place to spend the day. He had been working really hard at his store lately and he really needed the break, anyway. His place wasn't but a couple of blocks from the beach but he was surprised at how much longer it seemed when you were lugging tons of baby gear. And he had always thought girls brought lots of stuff. Toddler girls were way worse.

They all settled on a spot right in front of the water and Logan put up the umbrella before going out to surf. He watched Amanda and her niece from the water. She seemed so at ease with little Bella. She was really good with her and Bella loved her. He began to feel like maybe one day, he could have a family with a little girl like Bella. And who knows, maybe with Amanda. He had always been afraid of having children. The gene pool wasn't exactly in his favor but these last couple of years had softened him. He had a lot of time on his hands. Time to think what could have been, but also time to think about what could be. It was about time he started concentrating on that.

The four of them were having a great time. Logan even helped Bella build a sand castle. Amanda encouraged her sister to take a walk down the beach before they left and she would watch after Bella. She wanted to get a little alone time with her only niece for a while and she loved watching Logan with Bella. It reminded her that there maybe hope for them yet.

Veronica couldn't sit still in the cab and found herself constantly fidgeting with the lighter, his lighter. She carried it with her everywhere and now it was time to give it back to its rightful owner... in person. Sleep had eluded her on the long plane ride here, she was just to apprehensive. She still wasn't sure of what to expect. Was it really going to be him and what on earth was she going to say when she saw him? She decided she better figure it out in a hurry because the cabbie had just informed her that they were at their destination. She looked up and saw that they were sitting in front of quaint cottage.

_Come on Veronica. Get out of the car. _

She told the cab driver to wait and she got out to knock on the door.

Knocking again at the door she didn't get an answer. Just then she heard a voice next door saying something to her she couldn't understand.

"I'm sorry, I don't speak Portuguese."

He spoke again, this time in English but with a very thick accent.

"Not home, they at beach," he stated pointing in the direction of the beach.

_They?_

She smiled and thanked him before getting back in the cab and telling the driver to take her to the beach.

When she arrived at the beach she'd spotted him before she even got out of the cab. She wanted to stay far enough away to avoid detection so she could watch him just for a minute. She was overwhelmed. Tears began to cloud her eyes before spilling out onto her cheeks. He was blonder and more tan than she remembered but he was still the same boy she'd fallen in love with. Only he was a man now and her heart swelled with the love that consumed her.

She studied him for a moment taking in his beautiful toned surfer body. He was just coming out of the water and it was either the intensity of the moment or her overflowing emotions, or it could have been both. But the sun just seemed to reflect off the beads of water on his body, making him glow. How she longed to run her hands along his chest again and know it was all hers. That he was all hers.

But her breath stilled as she watched him make his way to a young woman about her age and a toddler. Her heart dropped when he ran over to the little girl in the sand an scooped her up, twirling her around before turning to kiss the young woman. The woman was tall, blond and beautiful. Just his type. Veronica released her breath before trying to take another one quickly to avoid throwing up. The happiness she'd felt when she first saw him and knew for a fact he was alive, vanished. Instead it was replaced with a deep ache in her chest, one she was quite familiar with. The ache that was a constant reminder of the happiness she would never have.

Veronica jumped back in the cab, tearfully telling the cabbie to take her back to the city. They had only gotten a couple of blocks when she looked down and saw the lighter. She knew she couldn't leave without giving it to him but she just couldn't face him. But breaking and entering was something she could do. She told the cab driver to turn around and go back to the original address. Finding herself once again in front of the cottage that Logan called home, Veronica got out and let herself in.

Standing in the doorway of the cottage, she didn't dare look around. Would she be able to leave things unsaid, unsaid? Would she be able to run out on her dream of leaving three years of regret behind? The faint sound of "Daddy loves you... daddy loves you," startled Veronica out of her reverie, most likely coming from the stuffed pink bear she didn't realized she'd stepped on.

_Fitting. _

She continued her tunnel vision, walking, until she reached the coffee table. Reaching in her pocket she pulled out his lighter and set it upright on the simple rectangle, leaving it right where he'd left it for her. It was his and he deserved to have it back. Maybe one day he'd give it to his own daughter.

And what Veronica thought rivaled any heartbreaking movie moment, she turned and walked straight out the door, away from any dreams of happily ever after and into the cab that was waiting.

To be continued...

The comments on the last chapter were fantabulous!! Thank you... now I need more!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Veronica, Logan, Amanda, Ben **

**Disclaimers: The VM characters don't belong to me. (sigh)**

**A/N: Did I ever tell you guys how much I love you!!!! Your reviews rock! They keep me motivated even when I don't want to be. Please keep them up!! Did I mention that I love you all!!! Oh, a special thanks to DCFanatic4life- your review almost made me cry! Your too kind.**

**As always, character thoughts are in italics. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are a result of my own laziness.**

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Logan twirled Bella around and leaned in to kiss Amanda. Maybe his life could be this simple one day. He could be happy, right? As he dropped down in the sand with Bella he could have sworn he heard his name, carried along as a soft whisper by the breeze that had been caressing his cheek. He thought after three years of not seeing Veronica that her memory would start to fade away but that wasn't the case. As it were, the wind even sounded like her now.

Logan looked up, scouring the landscape for the ignis fatuus that he was certain was taunting him. He caught a glimpse of the back of a cab and momentarily thought it was strange before going back to his search for the inconceivable. Even the soft ocean breeze meant to soothe was mocking him today. He was suddenly in the mood for a drink.

As Logan made his way back to his cottage, Bella, Amanda and her sister all in tow, he tried to shake the thoughts of Veronica from his head. He had a new life... she was undoubtedly happy without him and the idea that they could save each other was nothing but a school boy fantasy. He'd just keep telling himself that and maybe one day he would believe it.

Once Logan stepped inside the cottage he was overwhelmed with a scent that was all Veronica. He swore he wasn't imagining things either... he could almost feel her. The smell of sun-ripened raspberries and something distinctly Veronica hung in the air like a cloud of memories. Frozen to the spot where he stood just inside the doorway, he didn't even register Amanda's voice when she spoke.

"Brody... Brody...Brody!!"

Logan suddenly realized she was calling... rather yelling his name.

"What...oh... sorry... I just..."

"Where did that come from," Amanda asked pointing to a silver lighter on the coffee table. "You should be careful what you leave out with Bella around."

He vaguely registered her saying something else but her voice became nothing but white noise on the outside of his overactive brain and fluttering heart. Thankfully his feet were way ahead of his thoughts as he turned to run out the door.

"Veronica! Veronica!"

He shouted her name desperately, like he thought she just might materialize before his very eyes. He was though... desperate for her. He never once realized how much until this very moment. Feeling her, smelling her, yet having her slip away into the darkness wasn't something he thought he could handle again. He tried to give her up, he really did, but she was like top shelf liquor to a wino... beautifully perfect, devastatingly unattainable, and deceivingly dangerous all in one place. And he was the raging alcoholic.

He tried hard to think. Was she really here? Was it really her or just his mind playing cruel tricks on him like it had so many times before. Every time he had seen her sitting in the sand, laying in his bed, skirting along the new tide, he'd been renewed by the desire that she had found him. That was until he reached for her only to be broken from the inside out as her memory dissipated like a mirage of his soul. It would never be real no matter how many times he wished it different. He had almost given in to the part of him that told him that very thing until a voice thick with accent spoke pulling him from his reverie.

"You look for American girl?"

It was Carlos his well-intentioned but sometimes nosey neighbor.

"Yes, Yes! Did you see her? What did she look like?"

"Pretty, real pretty... short... yellow hair."

"When did she leave?! Which way did she go?!"

Logan needed answers and fast.

"Taxi... that way," Carlos said pointing off in the direction of Veronica's departure. "Ten minutes."

Logan didn't wait for him to finish if he wasn't finished, nor did he try to explain it to Amanda when he stormed into the cottage, grabbing his car keys. He would talk to her later. Right now he had more important things to do. He had to go after the love of his life. Trying to live his life without her had been like surviving in the desert with only the water from a cactus barely keeping you alive while you yearn to jump in the spring of that ever elusive oasis.

He decided right then that if she loved Duncan or Connor... or whomever... if she wanted to deny him, she would have to do it to his face. He didn't believe her that morning at her apartment but his pride had gotten in the way. Then that letter, the letter about Duncan. His Veronica would have never done that. She was afraid to face him for some reason. Maybe she was afraid that she would never be able to let go. But he had been too far gone in a bottle, too wrapped up in his own self pity to fight for her at the time. So he'd just let that letter rip his heart out, all the while convincing himself that she'd be better off with him dead.

The lighter had been a sign. He'd said once upon a time that if they were truly epic that he would somehow get it back from her. And there it had sat on the coffee table, placed with care, waiting for him. He would find her, would fight tooth and nail to keep her, and he'd be damned if he'd ever let her go.

The early evening turned into a late night and not bringing Logan any closer to finding Veronica. He had searched every cab company, airport, and rental car place in a fifty mile radius only to come up with dead ends every time. It became more increasingly obvious to him that there was only thing left he could do. He would use his emergency lifeline.

Upon arriving back at the cottage he found Amanda sitting in the dark on the bench on the front porch. Sudden guilt washed over him, realizing that he'd took off after Veronica without so much as a word to her. She had always been so open, so understanding when it came to him. He hated to cause her any pain but there it was written all over her beautiful face.

_I tried but I could never measure up. _

He knew what she would say before she even opened her mouth. He'd been through this before. As much as he tried to make it different, none of them could ever measure up to Veronica... not even the good ones.

"I was waiting for you."

"I figured. Look Amanda... I'm sorry... I..."

"I mean... how do you even know it was her?"

"I just... do... and if she was here then that has to mean she has been looking for me. I don't know if she still cares... or not... but I need to find out... I owe myself that much."

"Yes, you do... but I can't be here waiting when, or if you get back."

"I never meant to hurt you... I swear. I really hoped that maybe we could have a life together one day.

"I know... but just not as much as you wished that life was with her instead."

Logan just hung his head, unable to look at her at all. He couldn't say anything. What she had said was the truth and he owed her more than just the normal break-up pleasantries.

"After my sister leaves, I'll make sure all of my things are gone and I will give you back your key."

"Take your time. I'll be leaving soon and I'm not sure when I'll be back."

Amanda nodded in understanding. Logan got up to go inside before turning to look at her.

"You have to know that I cared about you, right. I did...I do... I really care about you."

She forged a small smile when she returned his gaze.

"It's ok. I knew from the moment you called me that first time that this moment might come."

Logan looked confused.

"What do you mean? I thought you said you didn't know about Veronica until later?

"No... no I didn't but the first day we met... when you sat at my table... I watched you. You had that look in your eyes...the look of eternal heartbreak. I knew then that you heart would never be yours to give. I guess as time progressed I had just hoped that you could forget... that time surely could heal all wounds. I was wrong."

Looking at her with a new fondness he replied, "You deserve better... better than me."

"No, Logan... not better than you, just better than you could give me."

She smiled again warmly at the mention of his own name. Even under the circumstances it was nice to hear her say it. He briefly wondered how he could ever let such a beautiful creature go. But then he thought of Veronica.

"I... I have to go. I need to take care of some things but I swear I'll never forget you. Your friendship... well all of it has meant more to me that you'll never know."

Amanda nodded while watching him go into the cottage, her heart silently breaking.

"Oh, and Logan..."

He turned to look at her once again.

"Yes?"

"I hope you find her."

Logan just nodded without speaking for fear that the unshed tears in his eyes would overflow at any moment. Nothing in his life could ever be easy.

After quietly tearing his closet apart he finally found the lock box that had long since been forgotten. He honestly had thought he would never need it. Thankfully the key was still hanging out of the lock, he really didn't want to search all over for that, too. After opening the box, he pulled out a cell phone and adapter. He plugged it into the wall silently praying that it worked. When he pressed the power it made a beeping noise and the screen flashed in response. Pushing the first speed dial number he held his breathe while it rang, waiting for someone to answer.

"Hello Ben?"

"Logan?! Is that you? What's the matter?! Are you in trouble?!"

"Whoa! Slow down. Yes, it's me... no I'm not in trouble... and the thing is, I need your help."

"If you're not in trouble why would you need my help?"

"She was here."

There was no need to elaborate. Ben knew who _she_ was but he tried to hide the nervous surprise in his voice.

"Here, where? In South America?"

"Yes. She returned my lighter."

"What did she say... what did she tell you."

Ben was all out nervous now and he hoped Logan couldn't tell.

"Nothing. I never saw her. She left before I got the chance."

"Well then how do you know it was her?"

"I just know."

"Ok then, why do you need my help?"

"I have to see her."

"Logan... you can't. It would be too dangerous."

"Look, Ben... either you help me or I go about it on my own. Now which is more dangerous?"

It was silent for a minute. Ben seemed to be contemplating the issue. There were far more dangerous things about this than just Logan coming back to the states.

Logan was beginning to get frustrated.

"Are you going to help me or not?"

"Yeah, I'll help you... but we have to do it my way, no arguments, ok?"

"Ok. Whatever you say man. I just have to see her."

"Give me thirty minutes and I'll call you back with details."

"Thirty minutes. I'll be waiting."

True to his word, Agent Ben Espy called him back with the logistics of how they were going to covertly bring him back to the states. After working out all the immediate details Ben said goodbye leaving Logan to pack. Not even the FBI or a ruthless crime organization could keep him from seeing Veronica now. He had waited too long already.

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Veronica laid her head back on the soft leather seat as she listened to the pilot give instructions. Even though the small airport she had chosen was more than two hours away from Logan's, she really hadn't given much thought to the events of the evening on the way here. She was too busy covering her tracks which consisted of several different cab companies, a rental car agency and one very smelly city bus. She would go to any lengths to keep Logan safe. Logan and his family.

_Logan has a family. _

She tried hard not to dwell on it but the scene from the beach kept replaying in her head in slow motion over and over. He had been so far away that maybe she could just pretend it was all a dream, that the grown-up happy version of her Logan was just that. Someone else's Logan, not hers. Sighing in defeat, she guessed he now was

Come on Veronica, at least he's alive. That's what you wanted all along, isn't it. It's not like you could be together anyway, the Russians are still threatening his life.

Veronica resigned her reflection of heartbreak to do some work. If she wanted to keep Logan and his family safe she would have to figure out who the mole was and soon. She could then go to the director with all of her information, hopefully putting the Petraslovskaya bratva out of business for good. Pulling a large accordion folder from her briefcase she began perusing over her notes for about the millionth time trying to find something she hadn't seen before.

Faced with the new information that the mole was most likely someone on her team she tried to piece together a profile of the likeliest suspect. Based on her theory that it had to be someone with at least level four clearance that narrowed it down to Ben and Agent Karnes.

Ben... now that would give 'sleeping with the enemy' a whole new meaning.

But if it really was Ben, then the bratva should be one step ahead of them. Her and Ben had gotten some pretty great evidence lately, evidence that she was sure they wouldn't have gotten if he was working with them. So that just left Agent Karnes. She had to find proof, though, and she would stop at nothing to get it.

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Logan got off the plane in DC and he was immediately greeted by his old friend. He tried not to laugh at the fact that Ben had gone back to his dark suit and even darker sunglasses. The last time he saw him he was hanging in board shorts and a Hawaiian t-shirt. Of course he was pretty sure his particular choice of a baseball cap worn low over his eyes and a hoodie draped over his head made for a sight, too. He imagined he looks like a criminal sans the handcuffs and Ben was there waiting to take him in.

The two men exchanged embraces before settling into the government issue black sedan.

"So when do I catch my next flight out," Logan asks, looking out the window of the car.

"You don't."

"Ben... I have to see her, please."

"Logan... there are some things you need to know and I didn't want to tell you over the phone."

"Oh, God... is Veronica ok?! Did something happen?!"

"No, Veronica is fine."

Logan started to grow very uneasy as he began to notice Ben's nervousness. He had been without contact for so long... he'd kept himself that way for so long he had no idea where she was or what she was doing and that didn't really dawn on him until just now. The tabloid cover with Connor, which consequently seemed out of place since she was supposedly in love with Duncan, was his only glimpse into Veronica's current life.

"Veronica is here in Washington. She works for the FBI."

"So you get to see her then," Logan asked hopefully. He really just wanted to make sure she was safe.

"You could say that... I'm her partner," Ben replied, a little hesitantly. He wasn't going to tell him the full extent of their 'working' relationship, at least not yet.

Logan wasn't sure exactly how to respond. He was relieved that she was in good hands but at the same time jealous because Ben got to spend so much time with_** his **_Veronica.

"So she's involved with witness protection, then? Is that how she found me or did you tell her?"

"No I didn't tell her, I couldn't... you know, sworn to government secrecy... that sort of thing. And no we aren't witness protection, so I'm not sure how she found you... but I have a pretty good idea."

"So what are you guys working on then?"

"Organized crime."

Ben didn't elaborate, hoping that Logan would just leave it at that. The less he knew, the better. He was trying to be a good friend to Logan but there were only so many lines he was willing to cross. But Ben didn't have to, Logan could read between the lines, read the things on Ben's face he was unwilling to tell. Logan felt his anger start to well up inside, anger that once again stemmed from Veronica's thirst for danger. But this time he couldn't be there to protect her.

"How could you let her get involved with them?! How could you... after I asked you, pleaded with you to make sure she was ok?! Getting involved with the Sergei Sorokin is not ok!"

"I'm sorry, Logan. You know Veronica... you know how she is. Once she's got it in her mind to do something, she's going to do it no matter who or what stands in her way."

Ben sighed, guilt ripping through his insides. He was reminded that he was using her own relentlessness against her. That she would stop at nothing to get revenge for not only Logan but for what she'd lost in the process, her faith. Deep down Veronica had thought that their love would be able to survive, that eventually she'd be able to bring the Sorokins down and tell Logan the truth... but the FBI had taken that away from her. The faith that she'd fought so hard to believe in died when she'd thrown the single white lily on his coffin. And now Veronica was going to have to live with the lies all over again. The closer Ben got to her, the more his heart ached for her, the more his guilt kept him awake at nights, especially when it was her who was nestled in his arms.

They continued the drive in silence, neither really knowing what to say. Ben, afraid to say too much... Logan afraid to press too hard. They arrived at the hotel and Ben went in to check Logan in. As he made his way back to the car he took the opportunity to study Logan for a moment. Even under the baseball cap, Ben could see the apprehension and anxiousness but most of all the hope... hope that she still loved him. He knew first hand what Veronica could do to a man, she'd been slowly wiggling her way into his heart, too. And by far that was the most dangerous thing he'd ever done.

Ben sidled up beside him and dropped the key in his hands along with the keys to a rental car he had arranged for earlier.

"So...here is her address, the rental is equipped with GPS so you shouldn't have any trouble finding it. I have some things that I still have to take care of but I made sure she'd be home. Just promise me that you will go straight there and that no matter what happens you'll keep a low profile."

"I promise... thanks man."

"Oh, and one more thing Logan... you cannot tell Veronica that it was me who put you in witness protection. She can't know that we know each other. Please... it's for her own protection. The less she knows about this operation the better."

"Sure."

Ben helped him carry his bags up to the room and briefly scanned it for any signs of trouble. Satisfied, he said his goodbyes, leaving Logan with a phone number to reach him at and left. He had his own surveillance to do.

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After taking a shower and changing clothes, Logan drove over to Veronica's house only to find himself unable to get out of the car. He just sat and stared at her house trying to drum up the courage to get out and knock on the door. Her house was small, probably two bedrooms if he had to guess, but it was pretty and was in a nice neighborhood. It was a light shade of blue with a white porch and he silently wondered how she kept the basket plants hanging from it alive. He'd never known Veronica to be much of a green thumb but maybe she had changed just like him. Maybe their tendencies to be selfish, unable to nurture anything else but themselves had faded with time. He was ready for a real, mature relationship, one void of trust issues and secrets and unwillingness to let the other in. He hoped beyond hope that she'd be ready, too... ready for him.

Logan sighed. If he didn't get out now, he would drive away like a coward or Veronica and her keen sense of observation would notice him. He wanted the element of surprise. Generally that was always best with Veronica. If she didn't have time to think, she would give into her heart. So Logan got out of the car, shifted his feet nervously on her welcome mat and knocked on the door.

Veronica heard a knock on the door and immediately went for her sidearm. She never took anything for granted. She knew she was playing with fire but it was worth it. Going to the picture window, pulling back the curtains just slightly, she looked to see who was doing the knocking. When she saw him her knees became weak and she had to prop herself against the wall to keep from sliding to the floor.

There he was, one Logan Echolls, undoubtably the love of her life, standing on her doorstep...in the flesh, real honest-to-God flesh. She'd seen him before only a couple of days ago, but he'd been so far away. Far enough away to convince herself it was all a dream, a dream with a twisted happy ending. He was alive but it wasn't his life, he wasn't her Logan Echolls anymore. He was Brody Lester, husband and father. Brody Lester, lover of someone else, lover of someone not Veronica Mars. She was happy he was alive but angrysadhurt that he'd moved on with someone else. She'd tried to tell herself she had no right to feel that way, after all it was her that shattered their inevitable reconciliation hopes. He had felt it, too. Knew that they were destined to ride eternity as one soul, unable to survive without the other. That's what made it so hard, made everything so hard.

She wanted just to sink to the floor, pretend that she wasn't here at all, but she knew Logan wouldn't give up. If she didn't answer he would just camp out on her doorstep until she came home. And much to her chagrin, the Sorokins were still out there. It wasn't safe and him being on her doorstep made it twice as dangerous. So in an act of reluctance yet ultimately longing, she opened the door.

Veronica gazed into the eyes of the one man she could never forget... would never forget. His beautiful brown pools of intensity stared at her like he was trying to bore right through her. Like he was trying to memorize every part of her starting from the inside. Like she was the last stop on his ultimate life's journey. Like he was just about to devour every last bit of her. She knew the feeling. She'd almost forgotten what that kind of unbridled passion could do to her. Tiny specks of light started to blur her vision and her knees started to buckle under her but she never hit the floor. She never fell when he was around... he was always there to catch her even when she didn't want to be caught.

His strong hands reached out for her, one clutching her waist, the other around her head, pulling her into his warm, powerful embrace. Before she had time to react, his mouth crashed on hers sending a single unhinging shiver all the way down her body. Without thinking she threw her arms around the back of his neck pulling herself closer into his oh-so familiar touch. She had longed for the day when she could taste his lips on hers again, their warmth coinciding with the tingles they gave the rest of her body.

Tears began to flow from her eyes as she fought to no avail to keep the emotions seeping from her body, mind and soul from crashing out. As tears slid down her cheeks he reached up and wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs, grasping her face with the rugged affection only _**his**_ hands could give her.

Once her lungs started begging for air her brain started catching up with what was happening, she tried to pull away. Logan moved his hands from her face to her back, encircling her, unwilling to let her go. It took every last bit of will that Veronica had to push herself away from the intoxicating hold he had on her.

"Logan," she panted, trying to catch her breath, "We can't... I can't..."

Looking up at him she saw that she wasn't the only one with tears to shed. He was crying, too, his eyes pleading with her not to run away, telling her that he needed her, just as much as she needed him. If her heart wasn't shattered already, it would have done so right then.

"Veronica..."

Logan finally spoke for the first time, his voice choked with tears, yet seeping with emotion. Her tears only started falling faster now. Her name from his lips... she had longed to hear it for so long, she just couldn't keep it together. He pulled her close again, this time just holding her as she sobbed, his own tears continuing to fall.

They stayed that way for what seemed like hours but in reality was just minutes, each unwilling to let go. Veronica's brain was screaming the many reasons why this was a bad idea but her heart just wouldn't relinquish its hold on the moment. Finally she worked up enough resolve to try to do what she had to do. She pulled away from his embrace but wouldn't meet his eyes. She couldn't let him pull her in, she had to be strong.

"Please Logan... you have to leave. We can't do this."

"Why not Veronica," he asked, gently pleading. "Why are you pushing me away?"

"I... I... I'm in love with someone else" she stumbled over the words, trying to think of something, anything that would push him away.

"Veronica... look at me," he demanded gently, pulling her chin up to meet his eyes. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you love someone else, that you don't love me, that your heart hasn't been aching for me like mine has been for you."

"But Logan... you have a family..."

Logan was in shock.

_A family?_

"A family? What are you talk... The beach, you saw me on the beach... the cab... you were in the cab."

Veronica nodded silently, looking only at the floor, unable to be under the scrutiny of his gaze any longer.

"That's why you left without a word."

He began to laugh a little, but there was no bitterness in it.

"Typical Veronica Mars."

"I don't see what is so funny, Logan," she snapped before lowering her tone to one of sadness. "I just didn't want... you seemed... you looked happy."

Logan once again forced her to look at him directly in the eyes.

"I don't have a family. That was my girlfriend and her niece that you saw me with... and my girlfriend... well we aren't together anymore."

Veronica tried hard not to break again. If she let him see her this vulnerable, this raw, she would never get him to leave. It was one of the hardest things she's ever had to do. Logan was alive and he wasn't married. This should be the happiest day of her life, but Gory's words still echoed deep within the walls of her mind. She couldn't, she wouldn't survive him dying all over again. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to be stern.

"It doesn't matter anyway, Logan. Like I already told you... I'm in love with someone else. It's too late for us. We were always a train wreck waiting to happen, I can't let you drag me with you."

"Duncan... is it Duncan," he asked with complete disbelief in his voice.

"No... it's not Duncan... that didn't work out," she lied, hoping he couldn't see right through her but knowing he did anyway.

"It's my partner. I'm with the FBI, now," she added as an afterthought, unsure of how much he knew about her new life."

"Your partner?!"

Logan was in shock and his anger was bubbling up from the inside. He was desperate to punch something while his brain worked around what she was telling him. He wasn't even sure that she was telling the truth but Ben's reluctance to tell him anything about her and his obvious anxiety that accompanied the mention of her name spoke it's own truth. They were involved on some level and right now that was just too much for him to handle. The sudden realization that he had been betrayed by a supposed friend hit him hard. He didn't know why he was surprised, though. Everyone in his life had betrayed him at one point or another. But Ben had earned his trust, he had known how much he still loved Veronica. He was supposed to look out for her, not fall in love with her.

Veronica looked at him inquisitively, unsure of why that particular revelation seemed to upset him so much. She wasn't sure he even believed her but he seemed to be caught up by his anger. But this was the best opportunity she had to try and make him leave. It was risky enough just him being here, he had to leave before it became down right dangerous. Besides if he stayed any longer she wasn't sure she'd be able to let him go.

"Logan," she started, with a firm voice, "You have to leave... now. If you love me at all, you will let me be happy. I asked you once to stay out of my life... now I'm pleading with you."

Veronica was trying so hard to keep the tears from welling in her eyes. If she ever thought that the days couldn't get any harder, she was entirely wrong. She just prayed that he wouldn't try to kiss her again because there would be no way she'd be able to resist him again. She constantly ached for his touch and being in such close proximity while being without it was like dying a very slow and painful death.

For Logan the knowledge that one more person had betrayed him was too much. He didn't have the fight in him right now. He didn't even have it in him to be angry at Veronica for pushing him away, again.

"Is that what you really want, Veronica?"

He asked in such a broken voice, it almost killed her. He seemed to have the life drained out of him and she desperately wanted to kiss it right back into him. But there was only one thing she could do. She answered.

_No, no, no, no, no.._.

"Yes."

It was one word. One word that took every last ounce of resolve she had. One word that came out of her mouth while her heart was screaming the exact opposite. She had to believe, though, that one day she would be able to nail the Sorokins to the wall and they could be together. Maybe one day they could get their happy ending... but it wouldn't be today.

Logan turned around facing the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.

"Have a good life, Veronica."

And with that he walked out of the door and out of her life... yet again.

To be continued...

Comments are love and I'm in need of some lovin'...


	15. Chapter 15

**Characters: ensemble, OC's. This chapter: Veronica, Logan, Ben, Boris**

**Disclaimers: I begged and begged but Rob wouldn't let me have them even though I promised a fourth season.**

**A/N: I'm sure I've mentioned this before but I LOVE MY REVIEWERS! Seriously, I probably wouldn't make the time to write if it wasn't for your great feedback. It makes a girl feel good, you know.**

**Ok, now, I know a bunch of you are Veronica hatin' right now but give the girl a break. She's just doing what she thinks is right. Besides... I'm sure it will all turn out for the best, maybe... just kidding! Anyway, poor Veronica is burdened beyond belief. Even with all her super powers she can't figure out which is the right decision. In other words... she can't win for losin'. So cut her some slack!!! J/K- you don't have to if you don't want to... just review.**

**As always, character thought are in italics.**

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As soon as the door shut behind him Veronica fell against the wall and slid down to the floor. Pulling her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and buried her head. The years of heartache had finally caught up with her. As she sobbed uncontrollably she wondered what awful sin she could have committed to bring the wrath the past seven years upon her.

Lilly's death had been the catalyst for the long line of life altering events and marred aspirations for Veronica Mars. Who knew one incident, hardly small but no civil war either, could affect the lives of so many and so horrifically. Sure there had been some happiness, small windows of light in an ever darkening room, but those moments were becoming even more far and few between. But that wasn't even what made her ache, what made her insides bleed. It was the fact that Logan had endured just as much, if not more. Her own pain she could handle... his, she couldn't... not after losing him once already. And after all he'd suffered she could still see the hope in his eyes and there was no greater pain than to have to be the one to suffocate it.

There was a knock on her door, startling Veronica from her place of misery. Mentally she wasn't prepared for the first thought that came to her mind.

I knew Logan wouldn't give up that easily

Her heart was obviously in control now and if he came back through that door she absolutely would not be able to ever let him go again. Her heart fluttered with the possibility. She jumped up and swung the door open, tears still clouding her eyes.

"Logan..."

Veronica was devastated when she realized it wasn't Logan. Not to mention the fact that she was completely caught off guard by the sight of her partner Ben standing in his stead. She quickly scanned her brain for a cover story but instead found herself struggling for words.

Ben's moral objective was solidified at the sight of Veronica. He had been sitting out in the car listening in on her and Logan's conversation. Hearing the lengths she would go to keep him safe had made him come to a decision. 'Greater good' be damned... he couldn't let her and his friend be ripped apart again. Not like this. He cared about them both too much to play this game any longer.

Here she was, broken and vulnerable and he had never, ever seen that side of his partner. Silently he thanked anyone listening that he had never had to before. He just couldn't take the fact that he had any role in making her this way but shamefully he knew he had. The pain seeped from her body in slow drips and he couldn't help but wish he hadn't come to the door. But he needed to do this... needed to tell her.

Veronica finally found her voice.

"Um... Ben... I... I thought you were someone else."

She tried to look away but his eyes held a tenderness she had never seen from him before. They almost seemed understanding, laced with a thin film of regret...empathetic even. This was a Ben she'd never seen before. She was having a hard time reading him and that unnerved her slightly.

"I know."

Veronica was taken aback by his response.

He knows what? That I'm wasn't expecting him or who I was expecting? He couldn't know who... I wish he'd quit looking at me that way.

"Veronica... there are some things I need to tell you. Can I come in?"

She was completely unaware of what to expect but she ushered him inside anyway. He seemed to be a little hesitant now, like he was bracing himself for something big. This Ben was leaving her slightly off kilter but her instinct weren't usually wrong. She had a sinking feeling that she wasn't going to like whatever it was that he had to tell her.

"I know about Logan."

Well you are an FBI agent... I'm sure you know lots of things. You probably think I'm crazy right now, expecting dead guys to answer the door.

Bens saw the confusion and discomfort flit across her face. He'd spent a lot of time lately with Veronica Mars and he considered himself to be privy to the clues her facial features always give away. But even as he could see the wheels turning in her mind, he was sure she wouldn't be prepared for what he was about to tell her.

"What I meant to say is that I knowLogan... damn this is hard," he said, looking up at the ceiling, grimacing.

"You know about Logan... you said that already... get on with...what! What do you mean you knowLogan?!"

"I was the FBI agent in charge of securing his witness protection status," Ben says rubbing his head nervously, trying to look anywhere but right at her.

Ben waited for the fireworks. After a moment when they didn't come he looked down at her, wondering briefly if she was still breathing. She hadn't said a word. Instead she was looking at him expectantly, her head tilted to the right, brow furrowed, her mind working a thousand miles a minute in typical Veronica Mars fashion. Only, just the moment before, she had been so very far from typical Veronica Mars anything. At least from where he was concerned.

"Veronica...?"

"You were with him the whole time," she asked almost nonchalantly.

"The first year. I stayed with him at the cottage," he said softly.

He was trying to tread lightly.

"I'm guessing that rules you out as the mole, although I was pretty confidant it wasn't you anyway."

Her flippant tone was starting to unnerve him.

"Mole? Veronica, what are you talking about? You aren't upset?"

"There is a mole at the FBI. And if you think for one second that I'm not mad as hell then you're not as smart as I've given you credit for. But I don't have time to be upset right now. We've got to stop Karnes."

Ben looked at her with complete disbelief.

"Agent Karnes...as in supervisor, one step down from the assistant director, Agent Karnes? You think he's a mole?"

He knew he probably sounded like tenth grade boy finding out his teacher was a part-time stripper, but he couldn't help it. This was a man he'd known for years. If there was a different side to him, he would have seen it.

"Yes. He's working with the bratva. I'm sure of it. You see... I've been keeping secrets from you too," Veronica looked at him guiltily. "I've been investigating the Sorokins and the rest of them for quite some time. Ever since I thought Logan committed suicide."

"I know."

Veronica shouldn't have been surprised that he already knew, but she was. And if he knew, then most likely Agent Karnes did too. He knew everything and that made him way more dangerous than she had previously thought.

Ben was lost in thought, still mulling over the fact that Veronica thought Agent Karnes was a mole.

He couldn't be, could he?

He started thinking back over the events of the past couple of years. All the strange requests, strict departmentalization when it came to this case, the moral line they had seemed to cross... it was all making perfect sense now. Agent Karnes was trying to get information from Veronica for his own use without feeding it through proper channels. Karnes had been using him all along. His 'greater good' was really the Petraslovskaya bratva's. He had sold his soul to the devil and didn't even know it. What kind of FBI agent was he anyway?

"Ben, is there something else you wanted to tell me?"

"Veronica, Agent Karnes knows that you were investigating the Sorokins all along. He's been using me to try and get information from you... I swear I didn't know he was working for them, though. He told me it was because you knew a big secret about them, one that could bring Sergei and his brother down for good. He said that the FBI had to have that information to build our big case against all of them... bring them all down at the same time. He said that you were just out for your own revenge. I didn't know, Veronica... I swear."

She looked at him warily, trying to come to some sort of a decision as she heard her suspicions confirmed. She was angry, there was no doubt about it. Then something she hadn't thought of suddenly took front and center.

"Logan! Does Agent Karnes know that Logan is here," she asked frantically.

"Yeah, but he has known where he was all along... why would he care now?"

"I don't know but I have a bad feeling. Tell me where he is and I'll go there while you go to FBI headquarters and inform the Director immediately. And make sure Karnes doesn't destroy any evidence."

"But Veronica, you shouldn't go alone... besides we don't have any proof about Agent Karnes."

"I'll be fine. Besides there probably isn't anything to worry about, you said so yourself. And you will just have to make the Director believe you. Tell him all the things that he has been doing without approval. We can find more direct proof later. Now lets get moving. If Karnes is half as smart as I think he is, he's probably sure we'd figure it out sooner rather than later. He probably has a contingency plan."

He looked at her, the reluctance clear in his eyes. They had faced danger before, both together and apart but none like they were about to face now. Ben wasn't sure that either one of them would remain unscathed, much less alive. Here was his choice, did he go with her, protect both her and his friend, or let them both go in it alone?

If he went with her to protect Logan they risked Agent Karnes disappearing, taking all the evidence they had worked so hard for together. If she went with him to head off Karnes, she risked losing the one thing she had given her life to protect all over again. He couldn't do that to her. His mind was made up. They would both go at it alone and pray that at least one of them would be standing by the end of the day. The Petraslovskaya bratva never messed around and now they had the power of the government behind them.

"Ben... are you ok... we have to get going, now," Veronica asked curiously.

"I'm fine...just thinking. Your right. We have to get going. You secure Logan and I'll make sure Agent Karnes doesn't make a run for it. Here is Logan's hotel information and a key."

He handed her the key and a piece of paper, trying to keep his demeanor business like, trying to keep the unsure waver from his voice.

Veronica seemed to be searching for something else to say.

Thanks for watching out for Logan even though you were using me all along... thanks for believing me when it really counted, even though you should have figured it out long before I actually came along.

She settled for something firm but begrudgingly genuine, nonetheless.

"Thanks, Ben... you know for keeping him safe. I know you care about him because I can see it in you both and I really need that loyalty now. Because no matter what happened in the past... what you've done, what I've done... at the end of the day, he's alive and now that I know, I will do anything to keep him that way."

He was acutely aware of the things left unsaid, the things he was sure he would hear about if they had more time. Maybe she would yell and scream and accuse once this whole mess was behind them. He hoped so because he sure as hell deserved it. As he turned to leave he looked back over his shoulder and told her something he should have a long time ago, finally fulfilling part of the promise to his friend.

"For what it's worth...you two belong to together," he said, nodding, smiling lightly.

"Yeah, I know that now."

"His heart never doubted it, even when he did."

He quickly turned back towards the door after seeing her eyes well up with tears. He hated to see her cry but was sure she hated having him witness it even more. With his back to her, he said his parting words.

"I promised him I would let you know... I also promised him that I would keep you safe... and Veronica... I would die before I broke another promise."

With that Ben rushed out the door and ran to his car on the street, driving away. Veronica grabbed her sidearm from where she had laid it earlier and followed suit.

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Logan packed his bags hurriedly, letting his anger and frustration motivate him. He was thankful that he had made it back to the hotel room before he broke down completely. As soon as his tears subsided, though, the Echolls' notorious rage began to emerge in full force. And damn if it didn't feel good. He had tried so hard and so long to learn to curb his temper and one ten minute encounter with a tiny blond had shaved years off his recovery. He briefly wondered if his lack of rage had anything to do with his suppressed feelings for her but pushed it back into his mind. Now wasn't the time to go all psychology professor on himself.

Taking long, deep breaths, Logan tried to calm himself before he did any more damage to the room. Of course thankfully, a hotel room doesn't have much to inflict damage upon. Two lamps and a chair to a mirror later, he grabbed his bags and headed downstairs mentally cataloging how long his bad luck streak had been extended to. If he didn't get out of town now, he would kill Ben the next time he saw him. It should scare him that he knew that was true, but it didn't. It lit a fire in him that he hadn't felt in ages and he was almost ashamed that it felt so good.

Along the drive to airport he tried not to think of Veronica. Tried not to think about her soft lips, her tender touch, the feel of her pressed against him, the smell of her hair, the lightning that never failed to pass between them. But mostly he tried not to ponder too much on the cause of her tears. She didn't love him...had never loved him... she practically said as much, so why the hell was she crying?

Despite whatever his mind was telling him, his heart was telling him otherwise. When they kissed it was like time floated away and nothing stood between them. Whatever difficulties lie evidenced by their broken lives had fallen to the side, bearing their souls only to each other. How could she ever deny that?

Logan would have given everything he ever had, every good feeling he had ever known just to freeze that moment. Just to feel what it was like to be with Veronica one more time, forever. But when he felt her tense up he knew it was coming. Veronica Mars would run away from him again and he tried to think of a million ways to stop her. But he knew... not one of them would work... they never did.

When he had searched her eyes there was something in them he seen plenty of times before...she was hiding something. But damned if she'd ever tell him. He was Logan Echolls... number one evil doer... only he wasn't, but it never stopped her. And there in lied the problem... Veronica would never trust him, no matter how often he tried to prove to her otherwise. He never really liked whole masochism thing despite evidence to the contrary. The bitterness that was overcoming him quickly blocked out any subconscious voice telling him not to leave... to drive back to the hotel... not to give up.

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Veronica reached the hotel in record time despite the stupid car blocking both lanes on the boulevard. She screeched to a halt into the parking lot, barely waiting for the car to stop before she got out. Taking the stairs two at a time, no easy feet for someone just five-foot-one, she reached the door in no time. She used the key that Ben had given her and anxiously threw it open. As soon as she saw the state of the room her heart dropped and she instinctively went for her gun. She was one step through the doorway when she heard a crack and fell to the floor with a thud.

When she came to, her hands and feet were tie wrapped and she was gagged. She was laying on her side on one of the hotel beds, hands behind her back, the silent mantra of 'please let Logan be ok,' going through her head over and over. Adjusting her eyes to the darkness of the room she could make out two men, neither of them she could see well enough to place. But then a voice called out to her and she knew she was in deep trouble.

God, just please don't let them have Logan.

"Hel-lo Can-dy," the voice said, drawing out both words.

Boris Ityitch...Sergei Sorokin's underboss. Yep, definitely not good

He moved over to sit beside her on the bed and ran his finger down her thigh, causing her to shutter in disgust.

"I've missed you Can-dy. I don't think we had quite enough time together last time."

The way he was talking to her in that fake sultry voice and the way he kept calling her Candy even though she knew he knew that wasn't her name was making her queasy.

"I had hoped to remedy that, but alas, no time now either. And I'm afraid you won't live to see the day out, so I guess it wasn't meant to be... Can-dy."

That had Veronica's attention. They planned on killing her... and soon. It wasn't like she shouldn't have expected this sooner or later... she was just hoping it would be later. And now that she knew Logan was alive, she had a new reason to want to live. At least Mac knew where she kept all the information. She would give it to her Dad and Sergei Sorokin, Boris Ilyitch and the rest of the Petraslovskaya bratva would go down. At least that's what she thought, anyway, but of course, nothing ever went according to plan.

"So... your friend Mac, huh? Agent Karnes was betting on you spilling to one of your pals sooner or later... I just never thought it would be her. She's not really the danger kind of girl, 'ya know."

All Veronica could do was look at him with horror on her face and pray that they didn't hurt her. She feared the worst. The pit in her stomach was growing at the thought of putting one of her dearest friends in danger. Boris laughed almost methodically while he continued. He was definitely getting off on showing her how smart he and Karnes were. If she if got out of this alive, she would kill both of them herself.

"When we found out where you hid the information and found out that you were going to see your boyfriend, we just had to wait until all the pieces fell into place. Couldn't move too fast or we'd blow both our covers."

When Veronica looked up at him, confusion written all over her face, he continued, answering her unspoken questions.

"Sergei... I can't believe he's managed to hold on to the bratva for this long. He should really consider his loyalties. You see... I know where they lie... and they aren't with us. He thought that he could put his precious 'Castle brotherhood' above his own countrymen. When I found out that you knew something about him, his brother, and his son, something so big it could bring down them all, I knew I had finally found my way to be the head of the bratva. So I convinced Karnes, who was already over his head in gambling debts, that we could work together. You'd be surprised how easy it is to bribe someone with money and the expectation of power."

He look at her, one eyebrow hiked, brow furrowed, seemingly studying her.

"No... I don't guess you would be surprised. You're such a good listener, Candy...too bad we won't work out. Anyway... as I was saying... Agent Karnes turned out to be a fine asset. He could do all kinds of things legally that I wouldn't ever be able to, even illegally... including bugging your friends places and using a whole team of FBI agents to find out your little secrets. I wanted to kill you a long time ago, bring Sergei down then, but he convinced me not to. Said if I killed you then the FBI would be all over the investigation and he wouldn't have control anymore. And of course, then we wouldn't have been able to have our fun time, either. And I would have really missed that."

Boris glanced down, making sure she was taking in his every vicious word and then started again.

"You see, Sergei... he couldn't lay a hand on you or your Dad... warned the rest of us not to, also. Made up some excuse... didn't think I would find out the real truth. You seem to have some powerful friends, Veronica Mars. Don't know if that did you much good in the end, though."

Veronica wasn't sure whether or not to be more or less afraid at him using her real name this time. But as usual, she pushed her fear aside in favor of her morbid curiosity. Yeah, it seemed Boris really did have her number... and he was using it.

"No matter how upstanding he seems, Jake Kane wouldn't think twice about knocking someone off who crossed him... I hear his son is just like him, too," he said looking at her expectantly.

"Yeah...they must really like you... probably has something to with finding that girl's real killer and all..." he hypothesized.

There's that...or the fact that Jake's probably still in love with my mom, or that Duncan's still in love with me... you never know with that families screwed up sense of love and loyalty.

"Now...I think we are to the part about the boyfriend. Logan, is it?" he asked rhetorically.

Just the mention of his name made Veronica stir. Her emotions were already running wild without trying to figure out his fate. Of course if he were dead, they would probably be rubbing her nose in it right now. Maybe that is a good sign.

Boris was interrupted when his cell phone rang. Answering it, he began to talk to the person on the other end whom she could only assume was Agent Karnes.

"Yeah, we've got her... no he was already gone... we'll be there."

He then hung up the phone. At least now she knew that Logan was probably safe... for now.

"Hmmm... let me see... where was I... oh yes...Logan. Karnes figured we could keep him around, just in case. So he came up with the brilliant idea of stashing him in witness protection. I have to say, you played your grieving girlfriend part wonderfully. We thought for sure you would spill everything during one of those damn sentimental trips to his grave, but no... it was all just 'I love you, I'm sorry'... blah, blah, blah... sickening really."

Veronica was trying hard to stay calm, not let her emotions get the best of her, but hearing that her most private, intimate moments had been not only taped, but listened to, was pushing the threshold.

"But no matter. We got what we needed and now will we get rid of all the evidence. You will die, Sergei will take the fall and the Kane's will have him, his brother and Gory all killed in retribution. And then I will be the new boss. It's brilliant when you think about it, really."

Boris smirked, beaming with pride at his heinous plans.

"And when Logan came back in town we were hoping to kill two birds with one stone. But alas... he was gone when we got here. Whatever you did to him must have been bad, he really trashed the place... you must have really did a number on him."

She couldn't take it any longer... she had heard enough. Using her lower legs and shoulder to propel her upward, she lunged at Boris knocking him off balance and off the bed. She knew there wasn't a whole lot of damage she could do but she wasn't going to let him off that easy. If she was going to die, she was going to go down kicking. After one more good kick to the head, the other man in the room grabbed her, pulling her upright.

"You bitch! You'll pay for that one," Boris scathed, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth.

That was the last thing Veronica remembered before her world went black.

To be continued...

Comments... they are my crack!


	16. Chapter 16

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Veronica, Logan, Ben(OC), Boris(OC), Agent Karnes(OC)**

**Disclaimers: I own nothing... well at least not Veronica Mars or its characters.**

**A/N: Hey guys! I know it's been two weeks since I updated. I'm really, really sorry. I left my notebook with all my notes (imagine that) at my parents house over Labor Day weekend. I couldn't write until I got it back. Yes, I still use a notebook for my writing (gasp). I'm completely in the dark ages. There is just something about good 'ole ink and paper, 'ya know. Anyway, I promise never to do it again. I hated making you all wait this long.**

**And of course... I love reviews!!!! Thank you so, so much to everyone who has taken the time to do so. Please do it some more! **

**I don't have a Beta and I was up really late trying to get this posted so sorry if there are lots of mistakes.**

**Character thoughts are in italics.**

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Ben mechanically drove to FBI headquarters contemplating things that no one should ever have to contemplate. Like how you unknowingly betrayed your country by helping a brotherhood of Russian loyalists/criminals do god-know-what, used your partner whom you are secretly in love with but would never tell her that, and ruined said partners only chance at happiness with reason she could never love you back

But he decided that he would have to feel angry and guilty another day. Right now he had to mentally catalogue every order Agent Karnes had ever given him, especially those that didn't even seem quite right at the time, the ones he_** should **_have questioned. He had to convince the Director that Karnes was not on the right side and he only had his word to do it with, which considering the circumstances, he wasn't even sure if that would be anywhere good enough.

He wished Veronica was with him. Together they would have no problems convincing the Director. They always had made a great team, probably could have made a great team on more than just the professional front, too. Their casual dating relationship had been mutually beneficial for both of them, but he would be lying to himself if he didn't say he wished it could be more. He always held back because he knew her heart could never be truly in it.

It was a strange dynamic, looking in from the outside at Logan and Veronica's relationship, seeing one side at a time but never together. The push, the pull, both dancing around invisible partners, both unable to move on without betraying each other's memory. Veronica, incapable of living without the guilt, never able to forgive herself. Logan, unwilling to give up on the chance that one day they might be together despite everything that had happened to keep them apart. Neither knowing the others true motives or the feelings that drove them. And yet, their love for each other never seemed to be deterred, never diminished, making them both stronger in ways that they hadn't even realized.

Pulling into the complex, Ben hoped he still had the element of surprise in regards to Agent Karnes. He would go to Karnes' office, make sure he was still there and that nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He would then proceed directly to the office of the Director. He didn't really have time to stop by the evidence room first and try to secure the documents and recordings they needed but he could make a quick trip to his own office. Priding himself on being a good agent, he always had a back up plan. There was some evidence he was keeping in there, copies of the originals.

Everything seemed normal at FBI Headquarters, no evidence that there had been a security breach. He was hoping that was good news. Maybe Agent Karnes hadn't made a run for it, taking with him all the boxes of evidence. Of course, it was going to make his job harder. Now he would have to convince the Director on his own with Karnes one floor below him. He would have to try and tell him a senior supervisor with level four clearance and thirty years on the job was working for the bad guys... and he had helped him.

Ben reached his office in record time and hastily unlocked the bottom drawer of his desk. Reaching down he grabbed the set of CDs he had so carefully labeled 'The Fall Guy.' Logan always did have an affinity for eighties TV shows and the title just seem to fit in more ways than one. Of course these definitely weren't dearly loved episodes of the actual show. No, these were tapes of Veronica, specifically tapes of her at Logan's grave. Some of it was useful in their investigations, most of it wasn't. But Ben was sure of one thing, these were Veronica's innermost thoughts and she most certainly would be livid at the thought that someone was listening in. She had meant them for only one person and at the time, she thought that one person was dead.

Ben had kept copies, considering sending them to Logan one day. One day after they had all the Petraslovskaya bratva locked up and it would be safe for he and Veronica to be together. But that day seemed to get farther and farther away with each day that he himself knew Veronica. It was so hard not to love her. She would inch her way under your skin without knowing it until one day you would wake up and she would be completely woven into your very being. He knew how Logan felt, only probably not as much. He had to constantly remind himself that Logan and Veronica belonged together and always had. He could never stand in the way of that... at least not anymore. Giving Logan these CDs would at least make up for some of it. He deserved to know, needed to know the truth from Veronica's own lips. Tucking the CDs in his inside jacket pocket, he left his office and prepared for what could be to come.

Knocking on the door of Agent Karnes' office, Ben wasn't sure if he was still there. But then he heard his voice.

"Come in."

Ben opened the door and stepped in before closing the door behind him.

"Agent Espy... I've been expecting you."

_I'm thinking this isn't going to go liked I hoped._

"You don't think my listening device skills were wasted totally on Agent Mars do you?" He said with an evil smirk.

The thought made Ben sick to his stomach. Agent Karnes undoubtably held the upper hand and his thoughts quickly went to a tiny blond. The older man looked a him with a knowing gaze, he knew he had him right were he wanted him... at least for the moment.

"So... you and Agent Mars just thought you could storm into the Director's office and turn me in without so much as a shred of proof?"

"Oh, no. There's proof in that evidence room somewhere. I'm sure he would be quite interested in how we obtained some of our information. Plus, I'm sure Agent Mars has a contingency plan with her own intel... the same information we were never able to get a hold of."

"Ohhhh, yes... Agent Mars' elusive Sorokin Files. Well, don't you worry about that, Agent Espy, those are being extracted as we speak. I just hope the whole things not too messy. Wouldn't want to bring too much attention to my colleagues before I can make a clean get away."

"You are never getting away with this, Karnes. I will see to it. All I have to do is go up one floor and your days of not being known as a traitor will be over."

"But see, that's where you are wrong. I will walk out of here and be gone before anyone is any wiser. You see, Espy... right now my colleague, I think you know him... Boris," he said, looking at Ben pointedly. "Well, Boris has Agent Mars in a warehouse and plans to kill her in exactly," he looks briefly at his watch, "one hour and seventeen minutes."

Ben couldn't say anything at the moment. He knew the day was going to go bad somehow, he just wished it wasn't going to go down like this.

"So, loverboy... and yes, I knew you two were sleeping together... damn, Logan must hate you," Karnes said with his particular brand of evil laughter. "Anyway... time is ticking. So you have to make a decision. Do you go talk to the Director, go secure the evidence or go save Veronica's life?"

"Where is she?!" Ben shouted frantically.

"Yeah, I figured you would chose door number three. I'm feeling generous today, I'll give you a hint. But first some rules... show up with Echolls and you better not talk to a single soul about this. You do, and the time window no longer applies."

"I asked, Where. Is. She.?!"

"What would be the fun in telling you everything? I want to see you use those great skills of yours. But I did promise a hint, though. Those mob types really love wharfs."

"You're a sick bastard, you know that?!"

Agent Karnes let out a loud laugh.

"Probably am... but I suggest you get moving... one hour and," looking at his watch again, fourteen minutes... tick, tock."

With that, Ben turned on a heel and high tailed it out of Karnes' office and down to the parking lot. He would have to come up with a plan and fast. Pulling out his phone, he highlighted 'Agent Mars.'

"Please pick up Veronica... please. Please just let Karnes be sending me on a wild goose chase..."

No answer.

"Shit!"

Ben dialed another number just as he got into his car and drove off in the direction of the wharf.

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Logan hated standing in line at airports. It made it worse since he didn't have a ticket. Usually first class seats provided him with the luxury of not having to wait. Now the endless line just gave him too much time to think about whether or not this is what he really wanted to do. If he got on a plane now, he was sure that there would never be another chance for him and Veronica. Ah, who was he kidding. It wasn't like that chance was spent long ago.

_Just get on the plane, Logan. Forget. About. Veronica. Right. I might as well just tell myself to quit breathing. That might actually be easier._

Just then Logan's phone rang, snapping out of his mental tug-of-war. He looked down at the caller ID but didn't recognize the number. Only a couple of people even had this number, curious, he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Logan...Thank god..." Ben said breathlessly.

"What in hell are you doing calling me?! You're lucky I don't kick..."

Logan was interrupted.

"It's Veronica, she's in trouble," he said, trying to sound diplomatic rather than desperate. The last thing he needed was an emotionally out-of-control Logan.

"Where is she?!"

Now it was Logan's turn to be desperate. And unlike Ben, he didn't try and hide it.

"I'm not sure exactly... at the wharf somewhere... just meet me in front of the Dockside Restaurant as soon as you can get there. It's right in front of the big red warehouse as you enter the waterfront district."

"I'll be there," Logan said, hanging up the phone, trying to stay calm.

Logan started to run for the front of the airport, just leaving his luggage there in line. He didn't care. _**His**_ Veronica was in trouble. _**His **_Veronica needed him. To him, it really was of no significance that she wasn't really _**his**_ Veronica anymore. Jumping in the first available cab, he told the driver his destination. He needed to get there fast. No, scratch that, he needed to get there at warp speed. Leaning over the front seat, Logan flashed five one hundred dollar bills at him.

"These will be your immediate future if you can get me there in fifteen minutes."

The cabbie looked back at Logan, eyes open wide, and gulped. He seemed to be going over the possibility in his head before stepping on the gas and declaring "Yes, sir!" Logan didn't know too much about D.C., didn't even have any idea which direction the wharf was, but he just hoped he had given the driver enough incentive to at least break a few traffic laws to get him there in a hurry.

The cabbie dropped him off in front of the Dockside Restaurant a mere thirteen minutes later. Logan was sure under normal circumstances that drive should have least taken twenty, probably more. But right now he wasn't concerned about the laws of motion and the possibilities that lie therein, he was in search of a certain backstabbing FBI agent. He waited nervously, shifting his weight from one foot to another when a dark government issue sedan came screeching to a halt in front of him. Flinging the door open, Logan jumped in and started in on twenty questions. The ass-kicking that Ben so rightly deserved would have to wait.

"What the hell man?! Where is Veronica?! What is going on?!"

Looking over at Ben, Logan's stomach dropped. He didn't like what he read on Ben's face. Before now, he had tried to get himself to hope that Veronica was just in a little over her head into something borderline unethical. Now feared that wasn't the case. He steeled himself for the shoe that was about to drop.

"Look, Logan," Ben began, "I know you hate me right now, and with good reason, but I promise will explain everything... just not now."

"Right," Logan said icily. "Now we find Veronica."

Ben stared at the street ahead of him, focusing on beginning of the endless rows of warehouses. The late afternoon sun bounced off the aluminum roofs of the buildings, silently mocking him with its carefree, playful dance.

"I don't know where she is for sure, all I know is that she is here somewhere. Luckily since it is a weekend there aren't too many cars... maybe it will be easier to spot something out of place," Ben reasoned.

"This is about the Sorokins, isn't it," Logan asked, turning to face Ben, the fear and concern evident in his eyes.

"Yes. They have her, more specifically, Boris Ilyitch has her... and Logan," Ben paused, dreading his reaction, "They plan on killing her... and soon."

There was that other shoe.

"What! You're just now telling me this! We have to find her!"

Logan turned to look out his own window and Ben could have sworn he heard him choke out a sob before continuing.

"I can't lose her, Ben... please... I can't"

Ben's voice got noticeably quieter despite all the heightened tension in the car. There were a lot of things he could say right now, a lot of things that needed to be said but he settled on something simple for both of their sakes.

"I know."

Ben continued down each street of the seemingly increasing warehouses, closely examining each of them for any sign of life. He silently prayed to God that even though he didn't deserve it, would he just please answer his simple prayer for a sign... anything that would tell him which one of these interchangeable, nondescript buildings held his partner. As the search continued, so did the silence in the car. Each man tried to focus on anything else than what could possibly be happening to their favorite blond FBI agent. Ben decided that now was a good time to tell Logan the truth or at least some of it.

"Logan... there is something you need to know"

"Not now Ben, let's just focus on finding Veronica... you can find your absolution another day," he stated bitterly.

Undeterred, Ben started again. He would hear this, and he would hear it now.

"I'm sure this is a trap... they wanted me to bring you with me... I'm not sure we will all get out alive. I just think you ought to know the truth about why Veronica tried so hard not to love you."

"What the hell would you know about that? Just because you were my friend and are her partner doesn't give you any right to psychoanalyze our relationship. I didn't tell you that much and I'm sure you've never been privy to the inner emotional state of Veronica Mars so why don't you just do me a favor for once and just shut the hell up and drive."

"I can't do that, Logan."

Logan sighed in defeat. He just wanted to find Veronica... alive... and let her yell at him for coming to her rescue when she didn't need it. He didn't want to be having any 'If I die, or you die, or she dies, you need to know the truth' conversations right now. Truth was that he loved her no matter what, would die for her no matter what, and she could never feel that way about him. But that was ok...he had learned to accept it.

"I can't get into everything... we don't have much time... Veronica had some information that a lot of people were willing to do just about anything to get. But for some reason they couldn't harm her or her Dad to get it. That's where you came in."

Logan was starting to look quite interested.

"The Sorokins threatened her. Told her that if she ever uttered their secrets that you would die a very slow and painful death... and that she would have to watch. They were afraid that she might try and stash you somewhere, so they forbid any kind of contact with you. I'm not really sure what all the terms were. I just know that."

Ben glanced over at Logan who had paled considerably and looked like he might lose his lunch any second. But he continued with the confession while he scanned the streets.

"My supervisor, Agent Karnes, wanted the information, too. I thought it was for the FBI's investigation but I just found out he is actually working for the bratva. He used me all along to try and get to Veronica... to try and unearth her secrets... he used you too. Thought that if you were out of the picture, Veronica would be more willing to share. I guess he was wrong. He stashed you in witness protection under the guise of a immediate threat... didn't want to kill you just yet... thought you might be useful later if Veronica never caved... I guess he was right."

Logan wasn't looking sick anymore. Instead he looked like he was going to kill somebody with his bare hands. Ben was pretty sure, based on what he knew of the Echolls' temper, that he could do it, too. He wasn't sure whether this was going to bode good or bad for them when they found Veronica.

"After I find Veronica, and I know she is safe, someone will die. They will pay for what they did to her... to us. I will make sure of it."

Ben was all too afraid that he really meant it.

"One more thing, Logan."

Ben reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out four CDs and handed them to him. Logan looked at them, his brow etched with confusion.

"What the hell, man? Why are you giving me CDs of 'The Fall Guy?'"

Ben rolled his eyes. If the situation would have been different he probably would have had a good laugh.

"They aren't really 'The Fall Guy.' When you have a chance... once this is over... listen to them. They can enlighten you more than I, or anyone else for that matter, could."

Logan took in the earnest look on Ben's face, beseeching him silently. He reached down and stowed them in his dark brown Artisan leather messenger bag.

"Ok... I'll listen to them."

"And one more thing... those CDs may be the only evidence that we have that survives. Protect them at all costs."

Logan nodded his head in agreement but stayed silent. This was all still so much for him to absorb.

Ben seemed satisfied and turned his attention back to one of the alleys beside the newest row of metal paneled rectangle buildings. That's when he spotted it. As many hours as he and Veronica spent undercover following Boris, he would know that car anywhere. Parked next to the warehouse just to his left was a black Lincoln town car with dark tinted windows and a blue Brighton Beach parking pass sticker on the lower left corner of the back bumper. He allowed himself a quick intake of breath to calm his nerves before driving on past it, looking for anywhere to stash his own vehicle.

"Back there... that was it... she's in there," Ben stated as calmly as he could while nodding towards the building. "I know they are expecting us, but I want to try to have as much of an element of surprise as possible. It's just us Logan... I can't risk calling anyone... not till I know Veronica's safe."

"Well... at least we agree on that."

Ben glanced at the clock on the dashboard as he pulled into a parking lot behind the building next to target building.

_Thirty-eight minutes. We have thirty-eight minutes... she has thirty-eight minutes. _

Reaching over in the glove box, Ben pulled out a gun and handed it to Logan.

"Here... you might need this."

"Thanks, man."

"Ok... here's how it will go down. I will go first and sneak in one of the side entrances, scope things out. You will hang back for a couple of minutes before going in a different door. If we spilt up, we have a better chance of not being detected. And remember Logan... I am the FBI agent here... we will do things my way... no going kamikaze on me, got it."

Logan nodded his head wordlessly. As much as he wanted to rush in there, guns blazing, declaring his undying love, shooting anything that stood in his way, he knew Ben was right. He did have more experience at this stuff than him and right now Veronica's life was at stake. That wasn't something he wanted to risk by being stupid or overly heroic.

Ben looked a him one last time... the fog of guilt, regret, and maybe just a little understanding, hanging in the air over both of them. They seemed to both know that this moment might be their last.

"Logan... for what it's worth... Veronica's never loved me... she could have never loved me. It's you... always has been... always will be."

"Ben, don't... just... "

"Hey... no matter what... promise me you will get her out alive," Ben pleaded.

"I promise... but only if you promise me the same thing."

"Yeah... I promise."

With that, they both opened their doors and made their way to the warehouse next door.

Ben motioned for Logan to go to the other side of the building before sidling through a side entrance, gun drawn. There were a few crates of what, he wasn't sure, stacked high and lined against make-shift isles. He was glad they were there, it gave him at least a little bit of protection. While scanning the area for any signs of life he heard the faint mumble of voices and then a familiar voice... _oh god._.. cry out.

Hastily, he hurried along the crates, squeezing between two smaller stacks towards the front. The bodies come into focus and the voices, shouting, become clearer. There were three men, one of whom had a gun to Logan's head. Logan's hands were restrained behind his back and he was slightly hunched over, grimacing in pain, probably from whatever caused the small trickle of blood running down the right side of his forehead. The other nameless goon, who he assumed was one of Boris' men, was standing beside a seated, bound and gagged Veronica, his gun aimed directly at her heart. Her hair was a mess, she had a deep forming bruise on her left cheek and a cut over the same eye. She and Logan seemed to be locked in a optical embrace, having a visual tete-a-tete...

_I'm sorry..._

_I know..._

Boris moved to stand in front of Logan, blocking Ben's view of Veronica momentarily. He laughed maliciously before questioning him.

"If I have to ask you again, it will be your precious Veronica who feels it next. Now.where.is. Agent. Espy?"

Logan faltered slightly but still kept his eyes completely on Veronica trying to offer her all the comfort he could.

_Don't tell them..._

_They'll hurt you... again..._

_Don't you dare..._

He came to a decision. Veronica could be quite persuasive, even when she wasn't talking. Hell, probably _**especially**_ when she wasn't talking. But she was right... right now Ben was there only hope of getting out of there alive.

"I don't know"

Boris seethed, "Wrong answer."

He nodded to the goon beside Veronica who grabbed her hand and shoved the barrel of his gun into her palm.

"Hope you like you girlfriends with only one hand," Boris said, looking at Logan pointedly.

"No, don't," two voices shouted simultaneously.

Ben moved from his hiding place among the crates, holding his gun over his head.

"I'm right here. Please don't hurt her."

"Wow... that was easier than I thought," Boris stated with an evil smirk.

Boris turned to completely face Ben, bringing Veronica into full view once again. This time she pulled her gaze away from Logan and tried to communicate something to him. Ben wasn't sure what, quite yet. He didn't have much of a chance to figure it out before Boris continued with his obvious game.

"Well, well, well... Agent Espy... so nice of you to join our little party. Although... from what I hear, this is probably just a little awkward for you."

Ben stayed calm. He wasn't going to let Boris bait him. He didn't graduate at the top of his class for nothing. Glancing back at Veronica, she shifted her eyes towards the goon beside her. He was starting to get her meaning. They would just had to wait for the right moment.

Ben spoke up.

"Let her go Boris... you can't do anything to her anyway. You would have done it long ago if that were the case."

"You see... that's where you are wrong. As I so eloquently explained to Agent Mars earlier, it's _**Sergei**_ who isn't allowed to harm our favorite little trouble maker. I'm sure no one would be none the wiser if she died...Sergei taking the blame, effectively sealing his and his families fate. With him, Gory, and Sergei's brother, Ivan dead, I will be left to lead my Russian brothers to true greatness. It's a perfect plan, really. And I couldn't have done any of it without Agent Karnes' help... of course he will be handsomely rewarded. Now... put your gun down on the floor...slowly and back away, Agent Espy."

The seriousness of the situation suddenly went to a whole other level. There wouldn't be any witness left to know the truth because he was going to kill them all. And if to prove his point, Boris went over to Veronica and pulled off her jacket, revealing a vest outfitted with explosives and a timing device.

Ben gasped in horror. Logan screamed resulting in another blow to his head from the butt of a gun. If they were going to do something... it needed to be fast. Both men kept their eyes riveted to the red numbers on Veronica's vest that were mercilessly counting down.

_Twenty-two minutes, twenty-eight seconds...twenty-seven... twenty-six... twenty-five..._

Suddenly Veronica lunged, chair and all, towards Boris and the other goon, knocking them temporarily off balance. Taking his cue from her, Logan used all of his upper body strength to send his own captor reeling to the floor. Apparently Logan had gotten the visual memo.

In the chaos, Ben reached for his gun, aiming it in Boris' direction. If he could just take him out, the other two would be easy. Logan immediately ran over to Veronica and fell down on his knees beside her, desperately trying to cover her with any portion of his body he could. Bodies were flailing everywhere as Boris and the other two goons scrambled to regain their lost advantage. A gun when off, an eery quietness ensued and everyone froze, not knowing where it came from or which side it was aimed at. It wasn't until Veronica's muffled screams reverberated throughout the building that the silence was broken and reality revealed.

Ben lay on the floor facing up towards the ceiling, his breathing heavily labored. The blood, slow at first but quickly gaining momentum, was seeping out of a small hole in his chest. He struggled to bring his right arm up, pressing his hand over the wound with as much strength as he could muster.

Veronica began to cry, the utter helplessness of her current state gripping hold of her. Logan remained frozen in his spot, his body laying protectively over her back. He wanted so badly to go to his friend and help him but he was not leaving Veronica.

"Ben! Ben! Can you hear me," shouted Logan frantically.

"Logan... stay with Ver-on-ica," Ben said, gasping for breath.

"Just hold on man... we'll get out of this... please, just hold on!"

While Logan and Veronica focused on Ben's rapidly fading consciousness, Boris and the other two men had gotten to their feet, regaining control over the situation.

"Well, it looks like it's time we left and let this love triangle work itself out," Boris scoffed.

He looked at Ben...then at Logan and Veronica.

"I'll tell you what. I'm feeling quite generous today since my plan is going so well. I'll let you have your last moments together, well that is if you want them to be together," he said, giving Logan and Veronica a villainous grin. He then pointed to Veronica. "Just remember... if the vest is taken off or moved farther than fifty feet from its present position, the bomb will explode. I'm really glad I won't be here to see that. It's a shame for such reckless beauty to go to waste. We could have been good together... Candy."

Boris motioned towards the door and he and the two goons headed for the exit. There was a loud clank, signaling the close of a metal door.

Logan sat up and looked down at Veronica's face. She was crying harder now, a world away from the almost heartless woman of this morning. He finally wrestled his hand through the plastic tie wrap that had kept his hands bound behind him. His wrists were raw and bloody but nothing could keep him from reaching out for the woman he so insanely loved.

He pulled down the gag covering her mouth and righted the chair she was still strapped to. Reaching in his pocket for his Swiss army knife, he pulled it out and made quick work of the binds, taking note of the glowing red numbers staring out at him.

_Seventeen minutes, forty-three seconds... and counting. _

Seventeen minutes. After a lifetime of secrets, guilt, pain, regret... and love, their lives together would be reduced to seventeen minutes. Seventeen minutes to say everything they had ever wanted to say and take back everything they hadn't. Logan was positive this was punishment for all the things he'd done wrong in his life but Veronica... she didn't deserve to go out like this. She deserved to live a long and full life... get married... have kids... white picket fence... happily ever after... even if it didn't include him. Especially if it didn't include him since he would be bound to screw things up sooner or later. But it wouldn't matter... barring any miracles that he was sure he never deserved, seventeen minutes were all they were going to get.

Taking Veronica in his arms, Logan held on like there was no tomorrow. For them there wouldn't be. He kissed the top of her head, her temple, her eyebrow, frantic to mark every spot on her with his lips. His shirt was wet from her tears and her hair was wet from his. Neither had yet been able to speak a word. They were always better at feeling, anyway. Each kiss, each touch of skin, each warm breath loudly displaying all that lied always between them.

Logan slid his hands from her back and cupped them on either side of her face, pulling her head from his chest, needing so frantically to have his lips on hers. There was nothing soft or gentle about their frenzied kisses. They needed each other, had a lifetime to make up for, a lifetime past and one that would never come.

Veronica pushed against his chest, forcing herself away from him. He looked deep into her clear blue eyes, robbed of their sparkle by the cloud of tears still present. He knew what she was going to say, read it in her eyes before she had the courage to speak the words.

"Logan... Logan, please... you have to get out of here. I don't know which wire...You'll die if you stay here! Take Ben and go! You can't let them get away with this!"

"Veronica! I love you! There is _**no**_ way I'm leaving you here!"

"Logan... I love you! I can't let you die! Please... please just go."

Despite the intensity of this living nightmare, Logan gazed at her tenderly and spoke softly.

"If I'm going to die, Veronica, I want it to be with you. I've learned the hard way that life without you means nothing. I want my last few moments to mean something... Tell me again, Veronica... tell me again that you love me."

Veronica, looking deep into his pools of dark fiery topaz, returned his amorous gaze with one of her own.

"I love you Logan Echolls. I've loved you all along. I never stopped."

And despite the circumstances that surrounded them, Logan knew she meant every word...every beautiful word that he'd waited so long to hear.

_Finally._

Veronica looked down, unable to contain her guilt that this had to be their end instead of their beginning. And ashamed for waiting until their present situation to tell him things that she should have told him long, long ago.

"I'm so sorry..."

Logan place a finger over her lips to silence her.

"Shhhh... none of that."

As he pulled Veronica back into his warm embrace, he tried hard not to look at the clock that held their future, but he couldn't help it.

_Fourteen minutes, fifty-six seconds._

Veronica shot her head up, looking at Logan with her old resolve.

"Logan... you have to take Ben... he shouldn't... just take him and come back... we can't let him die with us. He doesn't deserve that."

"No time Veronica."

"Logan... go now and you can come back... please... do this for me!"

He studied her for a second, seeing the utter despair of having a life hanging in the balance weigh heavily on her. He quickly climbed to his feet, pulling her with him. Crushing his mouth to hers in a searing kiss, he let her know what he was willing to do for her.

"I'll be back, Veronica, I promise. I love you."

"And I love you."

Logan quickly turned toward Ben and knelt down beside him to feel his pulse. It was faint but it was still there. He had lost a lot of blood and Logan could barely make out his labored breathing. Under normal circumstances, moving him would be a really bad idea but there was no other choice. He slid his right arm under Ben's shoulder blades and the other under his legs, lifting him up with all the strength he had left in him. He began to hurry towards the nearest door, turning around once to see Veronica's beautiful face watching after him.

Once outside and a fair distance from the warehouse, Logan laid Ben down on the ground. He took off his jacket and laid it under his head, trying to make him as comfortable as possible even though he was still unconscious. Pulling Ben's cell phone out of his pocket, he dialed 911. He told them their location... well what he knew of it anyway... and for them to send an ambulance right away, a FBI agent had been shot. One last thought crossed his mind before he laid the phone down.

"I can't really talk anymore but you should know... Agent Karnes of the FBI is a traitor. He's working for the Russians."

Before the operator could ask any more questions, Logan sprinted back to the building where he could hold the love of his life one last time.

To be continued...

Comments... pretty please... see, I asked nicely. Now give 'um!


	17. Chapter 17

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Logan, Veronica, Mac and others**

**Disclaimers: Even though the show is cancelled, Rob still wouldn't let me have them. Apparently they are still his.**

**A/N: I am truly sorry for the super long wait. I know I am evil but I had the biggest writers block. I just couldn't get past it. Thank you so, so much to those of you who take the extra time to review... you have no idea how much it means to me. I love you guys!!! Please continue!**

**Also, I went back and changed the time on the bomb from last chapter. I have a little more dialogue than I expected in this chapter so I had to extend the time. No biggie... it doesn't mess with the story any... I just wanted you guys to know.**

**And one more thing before I let you read (hey, I kept you waiting for this long didn't I). I am working through some thoughts for another story... a future fic, imagine that, and wanted to get my reviewers input. I can't decide between Veronica as a lawyer coming to the aid of Logan the movie star (or director) or Veronica as a FBI agent investigating Logan the recluse writer. Tell me what you think. I'd love to know.**

**As always, character thoughts are in italics.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The loss of his warmth was almost too much for Veronica. The air around her was cold and indifferent, not caring at all that she was about to die. It would suck up what was left, regardless. It wasn't long before she began to feel like the four sides of her seemingly inescapable mausoleum were crashing in around her. She was going to die sans a miracle she knows will never happen. And the worst part... she'll take Logan with her. The Greek tragedy that was their lives was about to get a very appropriate albeit heartbreaking ending.

The selfish part of her wants him here with her... wants him to hold her tight like only the way _**Logan Echolls **_can, till the very end. Wants him to press his mouth into her hair and whisper tender endearments like need and want and IwillloveyouforeverVeronica that she can only feel as gentle vibrations against her skin. She wants to take him with her to the afterlife she's not really sure is there but then thinks idly about having to share him with Lilly. Veronica is pretty sure that she would slap the obligatory 'property of Lilly Kane,' stamp on him the minute he crossed over, but if it came down to it, that would be one battle that Lilly Kane wouldn't win. After all, Veronica Mars wasn't who she used to be.

It didn't take her long to push out all those time consuming egocentric thoughts, though. If there was one thing Veronica Mars had been over these past few years, it was altruistic and that wasn't about to change now. She won't take Logan down with her... she loves him too much for that. Sure he told her that his life wasn't worth living if she wasn't in it, but he was wrong. He had carved out a new life for himself before, became a better man and all without her help. He had always thought that he needed her but it was Veronica who always needed him. She needed him to ground her, give her purpose, to give her the kind of love that was twisted in every package except his. And it wasn't just her... he didn't know it yet, but the world needed Logan Echolls. He had great things left to do, Veronica was sure of it.

If there was something else she was sure of it was the fact that Logan would be angry... angry at her, angry at himself... but right now that wasn't something she could afford to dwell on. Having made her decision she reached for her discarded suit coat and dug in the inner pocket, emerging with her trusty Swiss army knife Staying her thoughts of Logan and the possibility that he would see this as the ultimate betrayal, she began the tedious job of choosing a wire. After all, there was always the slim possibility that should could get lucky and pick the right one and then they could both make out alive.

Deep in concentration, Veronica almost didn't hear the familiar hollow echo of a metal door clanging

_That can't be Logan already... I thought I'd have more time_.

A figure moved in the distance and a moment of fear gripped her when she realized it wasn't Logan. But as the man got closer she recognized him. Fear was replaced by confusion before the flood of relief washed over her. If there was anyone who could get her out of this mess it was him and although she wasn't entirely sure whether or not he could be completely trusted, the current circumstances didn't really leave her with much of a choice.

He dropped down in front of her and urgently began to examine the apparatus encasing her chest. As he wordlessly continued studying the bomb, Veronica pushed aside all the questions begging to be asked and began to thank all things good and right in the world. For here was her miracle that she never in a million years thought she'd get. And what a strange package it had come in, too. If her tears ducts weren't already crippled from use, she would have wept in relief. Instead she reverted back to her old tried and somewhat true method of steel emotion. Bent but never broken.

"Miss Mars... you do seem to get yourself in the most precarious of situations."

"Yes, but I don't recall you having to be my knight-in-shining armor before... you usually play more of a cross between a villain and a nuisance."

He kept his head down as he spoke, continuing the dissection of the explosive.

_I hope he is really good at multi-tasking._

"Well, _**helping**_ youwas never really my job before."

"Your job... ah yes... Jake... I still don't see why he would care that much about me."

"He doesn't."

A light bulb went off in Veronica's head. Jake had warned the castle brothers about her knowing their secrets but it wasn't him who protected her from them.

"Duncan."

"Yes. He's had me looking out for you since he left. He didn't want anything to happen to you. When I told him about the possibility of you being in some trouble with the wrong people, he had me threaten them without informing Jake since action had to be taken quickly. Despite pressure from his associates, Jake looked the other way. He would do anything for his son."

"Well... I guess I'm not really in a position to be mad right now... but if I was, I would... be mad that is."

_I mean after all, never look a gift horse in the mouth, but damn those Kanes... always thinking they control everyone and everything._

Logan reached the side door to the warehouse in record time. His long legs had carried him far and well. It was a good thing that the adrenaline from the last hour or so was keeping him on autopilot, otherwise he would have too much time to dwell on how marred his life had become and the grievous fate that lied just beyond that door. He was trying not to think about this being the last time he'll see the gorgeous blond who has always stood alone as the love of his life... trying not to think of the flashing numbers scarring her beautiful chest, counting down his last seconds with her. He's trying not to think about how insignificant his last words to her will be or how unworthy he is to say them. Instead he pleads one more time to that elusive higher power to take his money, his body, his life... anything... but just leave Veronica here.

He hurriedly made his way back through the warehouse to where Veronica was waiting for him. When he spotted her, he went into a panic. Veronica was sitting in a chair, a man kneeling in front of her looking as if he was messing with the bomb. For a brief second, Logan could have sworn he'd seen the guy before but quickly put it out of his mind. No one but the bad guys knew they were here. He didn't really know what to do. No gun, Boris and his cronies had taken them all earlier. No time either. He didn't have any defenses at the moment but nothing was going to keep him from Veronica... nothing.

"Get the hell away from her!"

Veronica looked up and saw the fear in Logan's eyes. She realized how it must have looked to him.

"Logan! It's ok... this is Clarence Wiedman. He's here to help."

"Clarence Wiedman? As in the Kane's head of security," Logan asked as he made his way over to Veronica's side.

Veronica could see the wheels turning in his head.

"No time to explain now. I will later," Veronica assured him.

Clarence looked up from his position of closely studying the bomb. He finally spoke, addressing Veronica directly.

"Look... I can disable the vest where you can take it off but I'm afraid I don't have time to disarm the whole device."

Logan interjected with a mixture of anxiety and relief.

"So what are you waiting for! Get her the hell out of that thing so we can get out of here!"

Clarence looked from Veronica to Logan and then back to Veronica.

"Once I disconnect the vest from the actual explosive device we will only have thirty seconds before the bomb explodes. I would move Veronica closer to the anti-escape perimeter but I'm not positive about how far it is and I don't want to take any chances. Normally they are fifty to one hundred feet but I just don't want to risk it."

"Well, let's do this then, we don't have much time." Veronica said, letting out a sigh of nervousness.

"Wait," Logan shouted as he dropped down on his knees beside Veronica.

Logan had things to say and he didn't care if Clarence was kneeling right beside him or not. If this was the end, if they weren't going to make it, he wanted to make Veronica sure of where he stood. He grabbed both of her hands with one of his larger ones and cupped the side of her face with the other. His thumb pressed against her cheek, skin still taut from dried tears and gently pulled her face towards him so that they were eye to eye. Her breathed hitched just slightly as his ever intense gaze settled into her soul.

"Veronica... whatever happens... you have to know..."

"Logan..."

There was a cough and both Veronica and Logan turned to look at Clarence, almost as though they had forgotten about his presence.

"I'll give you two a minute but we have to hurry. The timer is still counting down and we don't have a lot of time. I"ll be right over here," he told them, motioning to a large stack of crates.

Logan looked back at Veronica.

"Ok then... I'll make this quick. Veronica, I love you... I've always loved you. Even when we were twelve and I knew I'd never be good enough for a girl like you. I'm still not, but..."

"Logan... you.." Veronica tried to interrupt.

"Veronica, just let me get this out."

She nodded wordlessly.

"I will never stop loving you no matter how much you make me try. I want to spend the rest of my life with you... however short that may be," he confessed, his gaze only intensifying.

"So Veronica...will you... will you share forever with me?"

If Logan didn't know better he would have thought she looked confused. Or maybe she was, but she had to know, didn't she... had to know that this was what he had always wanted?

"What are you saying, Logan," Veronica asked as her tears fell once again, too powerful to be held back.

"Veronica Mars... will you marry me?"

She searched his face for any hint that this was just something to say... that he'd watched one too many Hollywood scripted endings where the leading man and his lady were in dire straits. Whose knows... maybe there was some sort of manual about what to say in life or death situations. But what she saw was pure love and his willingness to give anything and everything he had, including himself to her... sacrificing his own life over and over. And in that moment she knew it's what she wanted too, what she'd always wanted but was too afraid to admit it... forever, with Logan. She had spent too many nights crying herself to sleep wishing for a chance just like this one to tell Logan how she really felt. However cruel the current circumstances were, life was handing her a mulligan and she was going to take itLogan wouldn't go any longer without knowing how far her love went, too.

_Veronica Mars... you just got your reprieve_.

Veronica launched herself at him, careful to avoid his injuries and her own rather dangerous obstruction. When her lips landed on his she knew they would never be anyplace else. She was never a fan of empty romance cliches but she just couldn't help but to think it felt like coming home.It didn't matter if they had one more minute or fifty more years, without each other life would just be empty. They'd both known what that was like all too well over the past few years.

Logan pulled back only slightly.

"So is that a yes?"

"Yes, yes, yes," Veronica exclaimed as she sobbed happily.

"Well let's get this thing off of you so we can get on with it! I have a honeymoon to plan," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Echolls. I expect a big, lavishly expensive, Hollywood wedding first," Veronica responded with a wink. "And besides... we'll have to wait for the shock of you coming back from the dead to wear off before you have to ask my gun-wielding former Sheriff of a father for his permission."

"I'm facing a life a death situation and _**that **_thought actually scares me more."

Clarence interrupted their happy moment by returning to their side and reminding them about the harshness of their current reality.

"The Hallmark moments have been great but we have to do this now... you two ready?"

Logan stood and gently pulled Veronica with him. He placed a kiss on her temple in silent reassurance for both her and himself. She smiled up at him in her own display of unspoken fortitude before shifting towards Clarence, giving him full access to the wires he needed.

"We're ready," Veronica told him.

"Ok... well as soon as I cut the wire, you throw off the vest and you both run like hell out that door over there," Clarence informed them, gesturing to the side door. "I'll be right beside you."

Logan and Veronica both nodded in agreement before Clarence reached up and grabbed the green wire on Veronica's chest. He laid it on top of the blade of his knife.

"Three... two... one..."

And then he cut.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**Earlier that morning**_

It was a normal day just like any other for Mac... coffee in one hand, overstuffed laptop bag in the other, struggling to lock her apartment door before heading off to work. She made her way towards her car, eager to get a jump start on the morning traffic. Her phone rang halfway there, forcing her to avoid her sloshing coffee as she dug around in her bag for the ringing nuisance. She was going to have to remember to buy another one of those stainless steel thermos thingees to replace the one she lost. The caller ID was long forgotten as she rushed to answer before the caller hung up.

"Hello."

"Mac," Veronica's breathless voice came through the phone.

"Veronica? What' wrong?"

"Listen Mac... I don't have much time to explain, but I need for you to get the key to the safety deposit box and the instructions I left you with and get them to my Dad as soon as you can. I have pretty good feeling my investigation has been compromised. I am also texting you the name of a mole in the FBI. Make sure Dad knows."

"But Veronica..."

"Mac... please... just give the stuff to my Dad. I don't want you involved anymore than you already are."

Mac reluctantly acquiesced.

"Ok, Veronica. You can count on me... just please be careful."

"I will. Thanks Mac."

"Anything for you V."

"Oh, and Mac..."

"Yes?"

"It was him... and he's here in DC, but I think he might be in danger... that's why this is so important. Those files... they might be the only things that can keep him safe."

Mac was silent for a moment, trying to let what Veronica had just told her sink in. I mean she knew it was a possibility but in the back of her mind she just assumed it was just some screwed up conspiracy theory and wishful thinking on Veronica's part. But she should have known. Things that revolved around Neptune, more specifically Veronica were as unbelievable as they come.

"You'll keep him safe Bond, don't worry."

"I... I have to Mac. I'll do anything."

"I know."

And with that Veronica hung up the phone and Mac's day got a whole lot less normal. She quickly dumped her coffee on the sidewalk and tossed her cup into a nearby trash can. The trip to work was long forgotten as she sprinted back up the stairs to her apartment. When she reached the door she was surprised to find it slightly ajar and the sound of muffled voices coming from the inside. She stood frozen at the door, unsure of how to proceed. The fact that someone had broken into her apartment and Veronica was in some sort of trouble was probably no coincidence. A deep voice, thick with accent, Russian she thinks, startled her as she tried to reach back in her bag for her phone.

"Miss McKenzie... so nice of you to come back. You can make things much, much easier for us," the voice said as its owner leaned into her ear.

"I'm not sure what you mean... do you want money... I can get you some."

"No, Miss McKenzie... you know what we came her for. Now go inside. Let's just make this easy, shall we?"

Mac pushed open the door, taking in the sight of her apartment in its many stages of disarray. She wasn't quite able to fully process it yet when the man behind her spoke to the other two already in the apartment. They communicated to each other in what she assumed was Russian. She only wished she knew what they were saying.

_Or maybe I don't really want to know_.

They seemed to come to a decision about whatever it was that they were conversing about. Probably something to do with her, she guessed. The man, the one looming behind her, spoke to her again, grabbing her upper arm firmly as he did so.

"Ok, where is it?"

"Where is what?"

Mac suddenly felt the pressure of cold steel on her neck, sharp edges scraping at her skin as the menacing sounding stranger held a knife to her throat.

_Ok, maybe playing dumb isn't such a good idea._

"You know what we want... the key if you please Miss McKenzie and I will let you keep your head attached to your body."

_Well, that's got my attention._

"It's in the safe... at the bottom of the closet in the bedroom."

"That wasn't so hard, now was it? Now let's go open it."

As the man forced her towards the back of the apartment, Mac tried to think of an escape plan. Maybe she could call the police after they left, head them off at the bank. It was then that she realized that they would never allow her to do that. They would either take her with them as collateral or worse... worse was something she wasn't going to think about. A slight panic began to creep through her body when all of a sudden she heard a small crack and felt the man behind her shift, falling to the floor with a resounding thud. Before she even realized what was happening a tall dark figure wearing a hat that would strike her as funny in any other situation, moved swiftly past her. The other two men who had been in her bedroom were now being held at gunpoint by the same intimidating looking man who had probably just saved her life. Without otherwise acknowledging her, he instructed the men to throw there weapons down and kick them over to him. It was only then that he turned and addressed Mac directly.

"Miss McKenzie... would you be so kind as to take these handcuffs and handcuff these two uninvited guests to your radiator?"

Mac gaped, the complete bizarreness of the situation too much for her to take in at the moment. But then things started coming back to her and she had a thought. How the hell she was able to even have _**a **_thought much less a rational one right then was beyond her. She remembered phone conversation with a certain blond known for prickly situations and strange bedfellows only minutes earlier.

_Veronica... this has to do with Veronica. I think I've already established that. Yes, yes... the men... Russian?... most definitely... had wanted Veronica's files... and this man with the funny hat... friend of Veronica's?... not sure yet... but he did keep my parents from having to identify my body at the morgue and that is a start. _

Silently accepting the lesser of two evils, Mac went over and did as the man in the hat asked. She took both sets of handcuffs and bravely secured both men to the radiator, making it impossible for them to escape.

"Thank you, Miss McKenzie. Now would you please step in the other room with me. I think we have a couple of matters to discuss."

The man lowered his gun and motioned for her to follow him back into the living room.

"Miss McKenzie... My name is Clarence Wiedman and I am the head of security for Kane Software. Of course my business here is more of a personal matter."

At Mac's raised eyebrow he continued.

"Duncan Kane instructed me to keep an eye on Miss Mars after he left. He was afraid her penchant for danger would catch up with her sooner rather than later. I'm sure he couldn't have been more right."

Mac let out a loud chuckle, half amused, half nervous energy.

"Yeah, you could say that again."

Clarence continued on.

"I've had your place under surveillance for a while so I know Miss Mars came to see you two nights ago. I was going to search your place after you left for work when I ran into the source of our trouble."

Ignoring her incredulous look, he continued.

"I had come into some information that some very bad things were about to go down and that Miss Mars was going to be in the middle of it. I had to step up my security."

Mac softened somewhat at the mention of Veronica in danger, allowing herself temporarily to believe him.

"Well... what do we do now? Is Veronica still in danger," she asked, hesitantly.

"Yes. I believe so. I need to know what Veronica asked you to do for her that night she was here."

Mac stilled, unable to look at him, unable to take a breath. How could she really know this guy was trustworthy. He could just be working another angle and she would be handing him Veronica's secrets on a silver platter. Clarence sensed her uncertainty and pulled out his phone. He quickly dialed a number and waited for the other person to answer.

"Hello. Yes. I need you to convince her that I am telling the truth."

He handed Mac the phone and waited while she talked to the person on the other end of the line. They really didn't have any time to waste but he expected this would probably be necessary.

"Hello," Mac asked as more of at question that greeting.

"Mac. It's Duncan Kane. Listen you have to believe Clarence. He's telling you the truth. I hired him to look after Veronica after I left with little Lilly. If he's saying that Veronica may be in danger then you have to believe him. I love Veronica... you know I do. I would never do anything to hurt her. Please... do whatever he asks... for Veronica's sake. Please."

There was such desperation in Duncan's voice and Mac was sure that he really did love Veronica. He would be completely crushed when he found out that Logan was alive and that she had gone after him. But she did believe his intentions were honorable and at this point she didn't have much of a choice but to believe him and his henchman.

"Ok, Duncan. I'll tell him what I know... but only because he believes that Veronica is in real danger."

"Thanks, Mac. You're a good friend."

_Yeah, I hope so._

She pressed end on the phone and handed it back to Clarence before looking up at him.

"Ok. Veronica was here that night because she thought Logan might still be alive and she wanted me to help her find him."

If he looked shocked he didn't show it. Instead he just waited for her to continue.

"She had found a list at some guy named Boris' office... a sort of hit list with names on it Some of the people were already dead, some still alive. But some of the names were aliases. She thought one of them might be Logan. We tracked down the name to a place in South America and she left that night to see if it was him."

"Did she say or do anything else?"

"She gave me a key to a safety deposit box and the name it was listed under. She told me if anything happened to her I was to give the key and the instructions on what to do to her father. Then she left."

"Did she find him?"

"Yes. She called me right before you got here. She was being all cryptic but she wanted me to contact her Dad and give him all the contacts of the box. Logan is in D.C. and she was afraid that he was in danger. I just know that the people that she's after are bad news. And now she finds out Logan's alive... I worry about her. Who knows what lengths she'll go to protect him."

"Yeah, well, you know Veronica... she can never let sleeping dogs lie, no matter the consequences."

"Yep, that's Veronica. And to be honest, being her friend, I'm not sure if it pisses me off more or excites me more. Life is never dull with her around, that's for sure."

Clarence had to let out a loud chuckle at that. If there was on thing he had learned about Veronica Mars it was that she was equally able to infuriate you and make you respect her all in one instant. Realizing they need to quickly get to the task at hand, he caught Mac's eyes, bringing them both back to the seriousness of the situation.

"Miss McKenzie..."

"Please, call me Mac. I mean, you did save my life just now. That reserves you the right to call me what my friends call me."

"Alright, Mac... did Miss Mars say anything else?"

Mac hesitated. It was still hard for her to trust him. But what choice did she have really? He had a better chance at protecting Veronica than she did. She suspected that with all of his connections, his chances were better than Keith's too.

"A mole... she found a mole in FBI. She sent me his name by text message. It should be on my phone."

"I want you to do just what Veronica asked. Call Keith. I'll have a private jet waiting for you at the airport. Go with him and get the stuff out of the safety deposit box. Tell him about the mole, too. This needs to go straight to the FBI Director as soon as possible. The higher up this goes, the safer Veronica will be and less of a chance of interference from certain people."

"Yeah, ok. What about you?"

"I'm going to D.C."

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_**Currently**_

As Logan struggled to regain consciousness, he desperately tried remember the events that led up to him being face down in a concrete parking lot, feeling like a two story building had fallen on his head. The flashes of memory came quick and fierce and he began to piece the prior events together in excruciating detail.

He had a death grip on Veronica's hand, pulling her out and away from the building that was just moments from exploding. Practically dragging her behind him, it was a wonder he didn't pull her shoulder out of socket. And then there it was... the explosion. The last thing he remembered was trying to pull Veronica in front of him but being pushed to the ground instead.

Logan craned his head, it was the only part of his body that he could move right now, and began his vital search for Veronica. As he took in the twisted metal and piles of busted wood only outnumbered by broken shards of glass, his need to see his beloved became greater than air. The gruesome reality of it all came crashing down hard and his voice dictated with clarity his desperation.

"Veronica!... Veronica!... answer me... please, Veronica!..."

And then there was a voice breaking through the haze of his panic. He must have been still a little out of it because he was struggling to hear the voice over the screams of emergency vehicles. Logan was sure those sirens served their purpose on the roads but now they were only keeping him from concentrating on the hope that Veronica was calling for him. But as the voice got closer, that particular dreamed slipped away and was instead replaced by the vision of an attractive red head crouching over him. If it wasn't for those damn screaming sirens he would have thought that this was the end. That she was here to help lift him out of his body and guide him into the afterlife, if there was one.

Logan attempted to keep his thoughts even. Despite his best efforts he was still drifting in and out of consciousness. The red- headed girl was saying something to him now and he couldn't quite decipher the words. His mind was reeling, constant circles of 'where is Veronica, is Veronica ok, I can't lose her,' running around inside.

And then there were more faces, all joining red-headed girl in tending to him. He suddenly felt lighter... maybe they were pulling debris off of him. It was too hard to tell and despite the lack of pressure on it, the pain in his leg that he'd managed to tolerate until now was beginning to phase everything else out. But he couldn't pass out just yet. In that moment he'd never been so grateful for the high pain threshold Aaron had given him. He had to make sure Veronica was ok.

Looking up at the sweet, understanding face of red-headed girl, he realized that the others with her weren't tending to him at all. They were concentrating on something else. Logan battled his current prone position, intent on turning to see what was happening beside him. After repeated reprimands from red-headed girl and one hell of a struggle later, he had turned around and managed to sit up slightly, propped up entirely on his left elbow. He now had a full view of what was going on but his brain was still in an uneasy fog.

Slowly but surely he registered the body beside him, feverishly being attended to by several emergency workers. The tiny frame, shiny flaxen hair, milky skin were all so familiar but he couldn't accept that the broken body before him was Veronica. Loud voices were filling the air and Logan could only catch some of the medical world's secret lingo being thrown around like the proverbial hot potato. Words like, severe lacerations, broken arm, collapsed lung... WE'RE LOSING HER... were dancing in his head, finally registering with a sobering punch.

Despite red-head girl's best intentions, Logan scooted over to grab Veronica's... _**his fiance's**_... hand. He shouted, trying to be heard over the frantic shouts of EMT's and dually trying to keep his own mind focused.

"Veronica! Veronica, baby! Please... I can't lose you now... please fight... for me... for us... please!"

He squeezed her hand tightly just before he was pushed away by yet another medic, this one with paddles. Logan watched in horror as he placed the paddles in the middle of Veronica's chest, shouting 'clear' causing her body to jerk upwards. His mouth was dry and his heart began to beat way too fast and all he could think about was how angry he was. It was happening again... Veronica was leaving him.

"Don't you dare, Ronnie... don't you dare leave me... you hear me? Don't you leave me!!"

Logan's vision began to cloud and he wasn't sure if it was from tears or exhaustion. He fought desperately to stay awake but his body had other ideas. He felt a hand on his shoulder, red-headed girl he assumed, and his upper body was guided back to the ground before the vision that was cloudy before, slowly drifted into nothingness. His last conscious thoughts were of Veronica and picket fences and epic dreams.

To be continued...

Comments are love... you love me don't you?? 'Cause I'd hate to leave you hanging... j/k... I don't think I'd do that...


	18. Chapter 18

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Logan, Veronica, Keith, Duncan**

**Disclaimers: I don't own any of them, but boy I wish I did. They would totally still be on the air.**

**Author's notes: So I really, really apologize for taking so long on this update. Real life has really been getting in the way lately. But oh, if I could just write fanfic all day. I have so many ideas...**

**Anyways, please don't hold the long update time against me. Please review, please!!! I greatly appreciate all of you who have taken the time to do so thus far. It really make us authors not only feel good, but write more.**

**On a positive note, I am over half way finished with the epilogue already and I have written quite a bit on the second part of "Fractured Dreams"**

**As always, no beta, so all mistakes (and I'm sure there are plenty since it's really late) are mine.**

**Now on with the fic...**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_Hey..." _

He could practically feel the uneasiness in her voice as it wafted through the air. Veronica Mars had solved murders, taken down rapists, stared more than just danger right in the face but somehow he knew that this took more courage than she'd ever had to muster before. He knew for a fact that she'd never visited Lilly's grave save the day of the funeral. So that word... that one word bringing with it a mountain of fears and a world of sacrifice, meanta lot.

"_So... I know it's been three months... I just... I just didn't know what to say."_

He heard her let out a half hearted chuckle.

"_I know, you're up there or... wherever thinking 'what else is new?'"_

It was silent for a moment and Logan could sense her gearing up to say something profound. It was just a recording, made years ago but he could still feel the air change around her as if he had been standing right there. The pain was undoubtably radiating off of her and he grimaced at the thought that it was him that had been at the root of it. No matter what he had ever said in the heat of the moment, he'd never wanted hurt Veronica. Never.

"_Logan... this was not how things were supposed to go. This... this is not what I wanted at all. Dammit, I loved you... I still love you! I know what you're thinking... 'jeez Veronica, it'd been nice if you told me while I was alive... It would have been nice to know then."_

Funny, that's exactly what he was thinking. It _**would**_have been nice to know.

"_But don't you see? This is exactly why I couldn't tell you. This... this right here. You're dead and I love you and the fact that I do won't bring you back. The ones I love, leave and I thought that just this once that if I tried hard enough not to love you that you would stick around. In the end it bit me in the ass anyway."_

Logan could hear the anger and bitterness working itself through her. He knew all too well the stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. But as her indignation tapered, her voice softened and the unseen vulnerable side of Veronica shown through

"_You said if I ever needed anything that you'd be here... but your not... you left me Logan... and now... and now I need you. I don't think I've ever needed anybody more." _

His heart was officially broken.

The bench that had been his place of solitude for the past several hours was long past numbing certain parts of his anatomy. He shouldn't complain, really, he had no right. Not when _**his **_Veronica lay just four floors above him in a cold and starkly monochromatic room fighting for her life. Who knew the color white could be so depressing? He just couldn't stay in there any longer. White, which at first had made him think of cleanliness and angelicness, representing all things good and pure, had simply morphed into injustices and tainted reconciliations. Yeah, he was really beginning to hate the color white.

He took in a long breath before letting it out slowly, tying to mentally prepare himself for the next recording of Veronica's graveyard visits. He was glad he downloaded them to his ipod earlier, that way he could listen to her beautiful voice in peace, away from the constant reminders of where he was. Despite it's name, however, the hospital Tranquility Garden wasn't quite far enough to make him forget about the life changing precipice from which they all teetered.

"_So... it's me again. I can't stay long today. I've just been thinking about some things and I wanted to tell you."_

Logan straightened up slightly. Most of the recordings had just been of her telling him about her day and this and that. She rarely opened up about anything serious, but he could tell, like the first one, that she was about to share something big. He pictured her standing there, head down, wringing her hands with nervous anticipation, mentally preparing herself as she always did. Even with his supposed death, some things remained unchanged. He hoped that now, after everything they'd been through, together and apart, that she would be able to bare herself, fully and unconditionally, before him.

"_The day that you beat up Gory in the café... that was the day that I realized you were right. We understood each other, we needed each other and I had been too stubborn before then to admit it. But that day, I looked at you and knew that I could never deny it again. Something changed, Logan, something in me and I knew I had to tell you right away that I loved you. There was this urgency. I didn't know it then, but I guess in hindsight my sixth sense was kicking in... Anyways, I chased after you only to see you drive away."_

So he _**had**_ seen her in his rearview mirror. And here he thought he was going crazy, having Veronica induced hallucinations.

"_I was going to drive over to the Grand, but Gory cornered me at my car. You see... I have something on his family... something that could ruin his father and uncle and probably him, too. He told me that if I told anyone that he would kill you, and Logan... I believed him. He told me that I couldn't have any contact with you what-so-ever because he was worried I would tell you everything and try and hide you before going to the police."_

Logan couldn't believe his ears. Ben telling him about it was one thing, but hearing in Veronica's own words was almost too much. She sounded scared even after all this time. He wished he could have been there slide his arms around her shoulders and pull her close, soothing her as she recalled the frightening memories.

It never ceased to anger him. They had been so close... so close to having the life that they wanted with each other, and the Russian mob had to go and ruin it. If it wasn't them, he would have thought it just too ridiculous of a story.

"_Now I just wonder if I shouldn't have just taken my chances. I really tried to do the right thing, but you wouldn't leave well enough alone. I should have known you wouldn't, though. You could always read me so well, you knew something was up and that's why you hired that private investigator."_

Logan had known something was fishy and at first he had tried hard to unearth her secret. He had no idea what she was hiding but Veronica would have never ignored him like that. Even when their disdain for each other was evident, they couldn't keep from some kind of contact, often engaging in verbal sparring albeit the hurtful kind. But nonetheless, they could never just ignore one another.

"_So I had to bring out the big guns. I had to think of the one thing that I knew would hurt you so much you would stop caring about me altogether, even if in your heart you didn't really believe it. So I wrote that letter."_

Yeah, Logan remembered that letter. In fact he still could almost recite it from memory. It literally had torn his heart right out of his chest and took a huge portion of his soul right along with it.

"_I'm really sorry, Logan. I promise you I didn't mean a word of it. I know it's too late, but I just wanted you to know. I love you and only you. And you've never asked me but I know you've wanted to... I could have never left with Duncan. Ever. And not just because of my Dad, Logan. I couldn't have left you. I just needed you to know that."_

And now Veronica was crying and he never wanted to comfort her more. She was so strong, had went through so much pain and guilt and fear, and he just wallowed in his sorrows, cursing the day he ever met Veronica Mars. God, he'd been so stupid. How could he have not seen through it all. She would have never been so vicious. But of course he was too busy swimming in a sea of self-pity, worrying about his own self- preservation.

A soft breeze tickled at his neck and if he could just pretend hard enough, he could imagine it was Veronica's lips pressing ghostly kisses just... there. It shouldn't be too hard, after all he'd done a lot of pretending in his life. He closed his eyes and tried to will the birds' chirping into her voice instead of the incessant beeping of hospital machines that had been joining his nightmares at night. It's a sorry state of affairs, he thinks, when nightmares are blurred into reality and you have just stopped dreaming altogether because they turned out to be quite the opposite. And while Logan knows that Veronica is a fighter, the part of his dreams that mapped out their happily ever after gets more and more smudged with every passing day.

Logan was down to the last recording. He was a little sad to have already gone through them all, but at the same time relieved. It had been emotional turmoil. In the past few he could hear Veronica talking to his mother, too. Her grave was right beside his so he could pick up on most everything she was saying and it hit him hard.

"_Hello Lynn...I'm sorry for not protecting him the way he always did me. And I'm sorry for never trusting him like I should have... But I can promise you, I loved him."_

The fact that Veronica would apologize to his mother for not protecting him and trusting him was almost more than he could take. God, he loved this girl. Really, really loved her.

"_Logan..."_

He could hear her sobbing. No matter how many times she had broke down it didn't make him want to ease her pain any less. It absolutely killed him to know that she'd had to go through everything alone.

"_I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. This was all my fault. If I would have told you how I felt...how I really felt, you wouldn't have done this. Instead it was like I was the one pushing you ... away... out fo my life... off the bridge..."_

No. He never wanted Veronica to feel responsible for his 'death.' Well maybe deep down the psychotic side of him wanted her to feel as much pain as he did, but he really never meant to. He thought that Veronica would be relieved to have him gone. He didn't know if he would ever be able to live with the fact that he had caused her so much anguish. The whole situation was just...unbelievable.

"_I love you Logan Echolls, I love you."_

He desperately hoped that he would be able to hear those words again, from her own mouth, in real time. He needed her, needed her to love him like he did her.

The confessions had been almost unbearable... almost. Romeo and Juliet had nothing on them. Her heart-felt apologies and declarations of love would unhinge him if it wasn't all he had to hold onto right now. Her sweet voice wafting through his ear buds was a contradiction of itself. It was the one thing he was hanging onto to and yet the one thing reminding him of all he had to lose.

Keith approached Logan cautiously, a little apprehensive about how he would take the news. He himself was ready to spit nails when he had found out the FBI had let one get away. That was supposed to be their job and now, until he was captured, he would constantly worry after Veronica and he knew Logan would, too.

Logan felt someone hovering close and opened his eyes. When he saw Keith, he tried hard to swallow the lump in his throat. He could tell he wasn't going to like what he was about to say.

Keith finally spoke up.

"It's nice out here, isn't it? Peaceful."

"Please, Keith, just say whatever it is that you came here to tell me. Is it Veronica," Logan asked, not wanting to prolonge the agony.

"No. The FBI got a tip that Boris and his associates were on a train headed for New York City. The port authority picked them up trying to hide away on a freighter bound for Russia. Most of the remainder of the bratva, including Sergei and his brother were all arrested in one large round- up. The evidence that Mac and I found in Veronica's safe deposit box will be enough to put all of them away for quite some time and some of them, forever. And I have to say, with Boris double- crossing Sergei, I doubt he is going to make it long in prison."

"And Agent Karnes..."

Keith clenched his fist and took in a deep breath. He was still having a hard time getting over his frustration.

"They put him on Interpol's watch list."

"Interpol... he left the country!?!"

"A man matching Agent Karnes' description boarded a flight for Johannesburg shortly after Ben confronted him at FBI headquarters. By the time they realized it and informed the South African police, the flight had already landed and there was no sight of him. He could be anywhere by now."

"If Veronica..."

Logan stopped mid sentence and tried to collect his thoughts and emotions. He drew in a long breath and tightened his jaw and let his anger overtake the wealth of despairing emotions that he had been feeling.

"If anything happens to Veronica, Agent Karnes better hope that they find him before I do. I will search the world over, not resting until I have beaten him to death with my bare hands."

Keith knew not to try and reason with him. Logan would do what Logan would do when it came to Veronica and Keith couldn't say as though he blamed him right now. He was pretty much on the same page.

The unspoken lied heavy between them. Something_** had**_ happened to Veronica. She was lying in a hospital bed, deep in a coma, fighting for her life and looking more and more frail and lifeless with every passing hour. The possibility that Veronica Mars, queen of truth and goddess of war, very well might not make it out of the greatest fight of her life weighted them down like concrete blocks tied to their ankles. They were drowning in a river of helplessness, hanging on to her memories like they were the only lifeline to the top.

Logan spoke up this time, his voice thick with the tears that he wouldn't let fall. He had to be strong for himself and Keith or they both would lose it.

"Any word on Ben's condition?"

"No change."

"So they still don't expect him to make it?"

"I overheard a nurse say that she would be surprised if he made it through the night."

If it was possible, Logan felt his chest get even tighter. His life seemed to revolve around death. Parents, friends, lovers, no one around him was safe from an early demise. Maybe it was him, maybe he was the tainted one. He was arsenic, administered in small, limited doses until the person just couldn't hold on anymore. It was only a matter of time before he killed Veronica, too. Maybe he should just get away while he still had the chance, while she still had a chance.

A familiar voice, one he hadn't heard in ages startled him out of his self- deprecation.

"Mr. Mars... Logan."

Logan didn't even know he was back in the states.

_I guess that must have slipped Keith's mind_, he though bitterly.

Logan cursed himself inwardly. He didn't know why he was constantly on the defensive when it came to Duncan. It wasn't always that way.

_Oh, that's right. It has to do with a certain tiny blond that we are both hopelessly in love with. The ever revolving love triangle. _

It didn't matter that Veronica promised herself to him, he still felt a huge pang of jealousy knowing that Duncan was undoubtably here to see her.

"Hello Duncan" Keith responded before shaking the young man's hand. "Have you been in to see Veronica yet?"

Duncan cleared his throat and answered weakly.

"Yes."

Keith noticed the nervous glances that Duncan was giving Logan and the icy ones he was getting in return. He thought it would be best to give the old friends some time alone to talk. Hopefully he wouldn't be back to break up a fight.

"Well, Duncan, I need to be getting back to Veronica's room. I've been gone too long. It was good seeing you."

"You too, Mr. Mars."

"Please, Duncan, you know it's Keith."

"Sure thing, Keith," Duncan said smiling, watching him walk back towards the hospital doors.

His smiled faltered when his gaze turned back to his former best friend who was looking all too much like he wanted to strangle him. Logan wasn't going to make this easy for him, but yet when did Logan ever make anything easy?

"So, it's true. The tabloids actually got it right this time."

Logan couldn't help but smirk. He and Duncan were no stranger to the newsstand rags. That would be the first thing he would bring up.

"Yeah, 'Logan Echolls comes back from the dead to save ex-girlfriend, Veronica Mars from exploding building' sounds better than what really happened, though. I'm no hero, man," Logan said, hanging his head, suddenly interested in one of the pebbles on the ground in between his legs..

"Do you think you could tell me what happened?"

"So when did you get back, dude," Logan asked, ignoring Duncan's question. He didn't want to talk about it.

Duncan sensed his reluctance to share but he wasn't about to give up, not yet. He knew most of everything already but he wanted to hear it straight from the source.. When it came to Logan, though, he knew better than to push.

"About three and a half years ago. I came back a couple of months after your funeral. I figured... uh... it was just time for me to come back, ya' know"

"You hoped Veronica might need you."

Duncan nodded guiltily.

"It's ok, man, I would have done the same thing. She's hard to forget, that one."

"Yeah, I know."

It was silent for was seemed like a long time, both men caught up in reflections of the past and memories of a girl they both love.

Duncan was the first to break the silence.

"She's a fighter."

"I'm counting on it."

"I never really saw that, you know. I was so caught up in what I wanted her to be that I never saw it. I just always saw her as pretty-in-pink, sweet Veronica Mars."

Logan looked at Duncan, a little surprised by his sudden need to open up about his affinity for avoidance and denial. But he kept quiet, sensing that he wasn't quite done with his little confession.

"You did, though. You saw her and she loved you for it and I hated you for it. And just so you know, I tried to get her back but she was still so in love with you, even though you were supposedly dead. I think I hated you even more for that... the fact that you won even from the grave."

"She's not a prize, Duncan."

"See... that's exactly what I'm talking about. She would hate that I think of her like that, but you don't and you know, know that she wouldn't like it."

"Duncan... what are you trying to say, man."

Duncan reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. From one of the inside pockets he pulled a small, long, rectangular, well- worn piece of paper with red writing on it.

"What's that," Logan inquired.

"A birthday present."

Duncan continued at Logan confused look.

"I had them specially made for Veronica's eighteenth birthday. One for me and one for her. You two had been broken up for several weeks and I was trying to get her back so..." Duncan trailed off, handing Logan the Chinese fortune that had meant so much to him.

"True love stories never have endings," Logan read before replying bitterly. "That's sweet, no wonder she couldn't wait to jump in your loving arms. Thanks for sharing."

"No, you don't get it. It wasn't meant for us, for Veronica and I... I realize that now."

Logan raised an eyebrow at him, silently wanting him to continue but undoubtably confused by Duncan's revelation.

"It's your story... yours and Veronica's. Yours is the love story with no ending."

Logan wasn't sure what he was more shocked by, Duncan being all profound or Duncan sharing his profoundness, especially regarding Veronica, with him. As he took the paper, he saw the sincerity behind Duncan's eyes and he tried hard not to get choked up. He had missed his best friend, really. The long held bitterness started to float away.

"Thanks, man."

Duncan just nodded and this time a peaceful, comfortable silence fell over them. After a couple of moments Duncan thought he might could try his luck at finding out what happened.

"So... do you think you could tell me what happened? I know you said you weren't ready, but I'd really like to know. But only if you want to."

Logan let out a long sigh and leaned back on the bench, extending his left leg, which was fully encased in a cast all the way to his thigh, in front of him.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"From the beginning... from when I left."

"What... you mean you weren't keeping tabs on our favorite little detective?"

"Well... I was... but I want to hear everything from you."

"I knew that's why Clarence Weidman was there. For once I'm glad the Kane's can't mind their own damn business. He saved our lives, ya' know."

"I know. Clarence has briefed me on the situation at the warehouse."

"How is Clarence? The past couple of days have been such a blur, I didn't even think to find out about him."

"He's doing fine. He had a couple of deep cuts and a broken collar bone, but nothing that would keep him down for long."

"I'm glad. We owe him our lives... I guess we owe you, too... so, thanks man."

Duncan chuckled slightly.

"You can thank me by getting back to your story. You were about to tell me how you stole my girl before jumping off a bridge or something like that."

"Right. How I reclaimed _**my **_girl..."

The time seem to fly by while Logan acquainted him with the finer details of what happened while he was away and after he, himself went into witness protection. And as painful as it was, he even gave his account of the events from just a few days ago. Ones that would be burned in his memory forever.

"They said she covered my body with hers," Logan said, tears welling up in his eyes. "She's half my size and she tried to protect me. I'm the reason she's in that coma up there! I should have kept her in front of me, Duncan, I should have..."

Logan was unable to continue. The emotional roller coaster he'd been on the past couple of days was wearing on him. Sobs began to rack his body and Duncan couldn't help but to scoot over and put his arm around his long-time childhood friend. As he tried to console Logan, his own tears began to fall. This girl... this girl that had always seemed to be between them was now bringing them together and she wasn't around to see it. She would have been so proud.

"Just so you know... you're wrong, Logan."

"What," Logan asked, hastily wiping his eyes.

"Your wrong. They did get it right. You are a hero and I'm sure if Veronica were awake she'd be the first to agree with me."

"I'm not..."

"I don't know many men... scratch that, I don't know any other man who would have stayed with Veronica, expecting impending death when they had a choice to leave on their own. Now to me...hero."

"There was never a choice. I wasn't leaving Veronica. It was either die with her or live without her so I didn't have to make any choice. Hero, no... love, yes."

"Love... right... more like epic love," Duncan said slightly under his breath.

Logan couldn't believe his ears.

_What did he just say?_

"Dude... what did you just say?"

"I said, more like epic love."

Duncan was having a hard time discerning the look that Logan was giving him. He looked...surprised, almost as if he had never heard the word before. Duncan knew he skipped class a lot, but surely he was there some of that whole six week they went over the great epics.

"Epic... you know...a really long poem about a hero who risks everything for the girl. It's like you... and Veronica."

Before he had a chance to respond, he was interrupted by his cell phone ringing. It was Keith's ringtone. He answered it anxiously, hoping that if it was bad news he would have come and told him, himself.

"Hello, " he said before pausing to listening to what Keith had to say.

He barely choked out a thanks before hanging up and letting out a huge sigh in relief.

"What... what is it, Logan?"

"She's awake. Veronica's awake."

Duncan wheeled Logan in Veronica's room in his wheelchair. His leg cast was just too big and too heavy for him to get around on his own, but that didn't stop him from jumping out of the chair at first sight of her. Keith and Wallace left her bedside to make room for the cast dragging man, noticing Veronica's face light up at the sight of him.

"Hi," she breathed.

"Hi." he replied, brushing a errant strand of hair off her forehead.

"I missed you."

"Yeah, me too... you have no idea. I was so scared, Veronica. I can't lose you... ever again."

"I know the sentiment."

Logan grabbed her left hand and brought it up to his mouth, kissing her palm in the most intimate of gestures.

"So, do you still want to marry me?"

"Why do you think I woke up? You didn't think you are getting rid of me that easily, did you Echolls?"

"I don't know... I have one question for you...," he said, planting his trademark smirk on his face.

Veronica looked at him with those big blue eyes, obviously afraid of what he was about to say, but he laughed, alleviating her fears.

"Oh yeah, well what is it'" she asked, suddenly clued into to his game.

"Conner Larkin... really Veronica... what _**were **_you thinking?"

And there it was. Her laugh. It was low and short because she was in pain but it still made her cheeks flush and her eyes twinkle and he missed it more that he could ever say. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

He looked straight into her eyes, conveying years of unsaid sentiments and unexpressed desires.

"I love you Veronica Mars, I love you."

She returned his gaze with one equal of his own fervor.

"I love you Logan Echolls, I love you."

And he knew that they would be more than just ok. Veronica loved him and he loved her and they had already been to hell and back. If their love could survive that, it could survive anything.

He leaned down, conscious of her injuries, but desperate to seal both their spoken and unspoken promises with a kiss. And when their lips met, Logan couldn't help but to think she tasted a bit like marshmallows and promises.

End

Epilogue coming soon.

Ok, by now you know... comments are my crack, so feed my addiction. Pleasssssssssseeee!


	19. Epilogue

**Characters: ensemble. This chapter: Logan, Veronica**

**Disclaimer: I wish they were mine. This would totally happen.**

**A/N: Well, this is it folks... the end... finally. And what a journey it's been. For those people who reviewed, I can't even begin to thank you enough. This is my first story, ever, of any kind and I can't tell you how much your words have encouraged me and kept me writing. If you think reviews don't mean much... think again. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with it and read the whole sixty and some odd thousand words. Whew! I love you guys... really.**

**Also, now that I'm finally done, I'll probably go back and clean up the beginning a little. I feel my writing has slightly improved since I first posted this so I want to make it better. I just wanted you to know, in case anyone decided to read it again in the future. Of course it won't be anything major. Just some wording changes and I may add a few sentences here and there.**

**As always, no beta... all mistakes are mine. And as usual I was up late, wanting to get this posted, so I'm sure there are some. Thoughts are in italics. **

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Their one year wedding anniversary was coming up and Veronica was starting to get nervous. Logan hadn't said a thing about it and despite her penchant for all things investigative, she hadn't been able to discover any secret plans. She wasn't worried that he would forget, after all he was the girl in their relationship, no, she was just worried about what he might be planning. Logan had been known to go overboard in the romance department on more that one occasion and she was just content with spending a low key night with her loving husband

Despite the fact that it had been sixteen months and twenty-one days since all hell had broken loose, The paparazzi were still circling like vultures, desperate to get a glimpse of the 'miracle couple' as so they had been dubbed. And of course the government had jumped on the bandwagon, too. The FBI had taken advantage of the inevitable publicity and made Veronica their new poster child, flaunting her around shamelessly. One of their own had taken down the largest Russian crime syndicate in the United States in addition to exposing a high level corrupt agent. The higher ups had even overlooked the at least half a dozen regulations she disregarded in the Veronica Mars brand search of truth and justice for all.

Of course it had all come at a cost. A great cost. Ben had lost his life, dying a week after his valiant attempt to save her life. And although he had betrayed her, she wasn't able to harbor any resentment. He was just as snowed by Agent Karnes as everyone else, including her. She tried to remind herself that he made the ultimate sacrifice for his country but truth was she knew that wasn't the only reason. Ben had the unfortunate luck of getting involved with her which made him the latest in a long line of bloodshed. In the end it didn't matter what his motives were, he deserved the same justice she'd found for Lilly. She would see to it that Agent Karnes was brought there one way or another and she had a feeling that Logan would actually back her up on this one.

Even though Karnes didn't actually pull the trigger, more than anyone, he deserved to be punished. After all, he was sworn to serve, protect and uphold the law at all costs. An inner battle constantly rages in her mind, telling her she should be thankful for what she has, to leave well enough alone and let someone else handle it. But despite the fact that her last name is now Echolls, she is still Veronica Mars and she just wasn't built that way.

Ben's life hadn't been the only sacrifice, though. She had almost lost Logan... again, and the scars from those memories weren't likely to fade anytime soon.

But as for Logan and her, things had been going well... very well. She had requested a transfer to the San Diego field office and much to her's and Logan's delight, she had gotten it. She wanted to go back home to her Dad and Wallace and Logan was glad she would be handling the more simple things like bank robberies and kidnappings for the time being.

Due to the highly publicized events surrounding Logan's death and subsequent return, his humble surfing business had taken off. Brody's Boards was quickly becoming the biggest outfitter of quality surfboards and beachwear in the world. And Veronica couldn't have been more proud. Logan had finally found something constructive he could pour himself into. But that wasn't the only reason she was so proud, large anonymous donations to battered women's shelters were popping up all over the place. He would deny it if she ever asked but she already knew...her husband had a very large heart.

They had gotten married in a small ceremony on the beach almost four months to the day that she had gotten out of the hospital. It was a simple, private affair with only their family and close friends attending. Even Eva, who was now a profiler for the Bureau, had made the trip. Wallace reluctantly was her 'man of honor,' but drew the line at wearing a dress, which was of course fine by her. She had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't quite so reluctant as he pretended to be, but she played into his charade anyway.

Surprisingly Duncan was Logan's best man. He had told her of Duncan's confession right before she woke up and at first she was a little wary but all had been well. Duncan had seemed sincere and she had been happy that Logan was happy. It was just one more step in repairing the damaged relationships that had seemed irreparable so long ago.

And as for her, everything had been perfect, one of the best days of her life. Dressed in a simple yet elegant strapless white silk gown, she had walked down the makeshift isle escorted by the one man who had never left her to the next man who promised the same. It had been hard to hold back the tears as both her father's and Logan's eyes welled up, their happiness on display for all to see. And as they had shared the vows they had written themselves, Veronica had known that this was the way things were always meant to be.

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When Logan got home that evening he told Veronica to pack her bags, they were going on a long weekend trip for their anniversary. She had used every trick in her fully loaded arsenal to try and get the destination out of him but to no avail. He just kept insisting that she would find out soon enough. After huffing and pouting like a three year old, Logan finally got her to give in and go pack. They arrived at the airport a short time later and after passing security quickly, thanks to one tiny blond FBI agent, they checked in at the gate.

And that's when Veronica looked up behind the desk at their destination. She looked at Logan like she very well thought he was crazy. Her nose scrunched up and the disbelief was evident in her voice.

"Nashville?!"

He laughed at her indignation as he pulled her in, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Yes, Nashville."

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"Logan... tell me again why we are driving around in the middle of Tennessee."

"I told you sugarpuss, it's a surprise," he said as he leaned over and tapped her on the nose. "Now I know you have a hard time not knowing everything that is happening all the time, but would you just sit back and relax and let me _**surprise**_ you for once?"

Relax? How could she relax? Every single bump was reeking havoc on her insides, not to mention stirring up the queasiness she had been experiencing on the plane. She'd had to visit the plane's facilities more than once and she was quite sure that Logan would notice if she chose the middle of nowhere to repeat the effort. After all, flight sickness could only go so far.

"We're almost there anyway so try keeping your panties from getting in a twist."

"Well if they did, I'm sure you wouldn't have any qualms about getting them out of one, would you Mr. Echolls?"

"Touche, Mrs. Echolls."

Veronica leaned her head against the passenger side window and watched the scenic countryside go by. Anything to keep her mind off of her tumbling stomach. The grass was a splendid shade of deep green, smothering gently rolling hills with their thick blades. Groves of trees seemed to be evenly dispersed amongst open farmland and every so often they would pass a pick up truck cruising along the rural road they were on. You could sense the calm and laid-backness of it all and Veronica found herself reveling in being so far removed from their hectic life in California.

"A-ha! We're here!"

Veronica shifted her gaze to the front windshield and took in the beautiful grey stone wall coming into view. It was only about three foot high, each stone looking as if it were placed carefully by hand, but it reached for as far as she could see. Someone or many someones had spent a lot of time erecting such a grand structure.

"That wall was one of the only things on this plantation to survive the civil war," Logan stated as if he were reading her mind.

_Since when was Logan up on his American History?_

They turned onto a gravel drive and approached a large black, wrought iron gate perched in the middle of the seemingly endless rock wall. It was obvious that it was quite a bit more modern than the stones which held it in place, but it was well crafted and elegant, fitting in perfectly with its surroundings. Logan reached over, grazing his arm against her leg, and reached into his bag on the floor, pulling a small black metal box out. He pointed it at the gate and it opened up, dividing into to separate and equal gates allowing them entrance.

"Huh. Glad to know technology is alive, even way down here... and why is it that you have a remote control to the gate, anyway?"

"Patience o' loved one... patience."

Veronica rolled her eyes, not like being placated one bit. She wanted to know what was going on and she was quickly losing her patience despite the boyish giddiness that Logan seemed to possess all of a sudden.

They continued up the long drive lined with stately oaks before arriving at one of the most beautiful homes Veronica had ever seen. The dark red brick of the two story mansion created a splendid contrast against the clear southern blue sky and she gasped slightly, awed by the simple beauty of the house and its surroundings. Four large, round, white columns stood across the front, framing both the first and second story verandas. A banister wrapped around the second story porch while quintessential rocking chairs adorned the lower one. Several wide plank stairs gently invited family and visitors alike. She couldn't help but think it looked just like something from a storybook.

"This house survived, too, only not by much. The east wing was set on fire and the whole house nearly went with it. And I have it on good authority that there is still a cannonball stuck in the brick on the north side."

Veronica couldn't help but think this house had been through as much as her and Logan had. And then it hit her. The secrecy, his apparent knowledge of the place, the controller for the gate... this place was theirs. She tore her gaze off the brilliant architecture and looked at her husband in disbelief.

"So... do you like it?"

"Logan..."

"I just thought it be nice to have a place where we could get away from it all, ya know?"

Yes. She did know.

"And I thought it might do us some good to be reminded that some things are made even more beautiful _**because of **_their history and battle scars."

As Veronica looked at him, she couldn't quite remember if she'd ever loved him more. This... he'd done all this for her... for them. And she was quite sure her heart couldn't be more full than at this moment.

He leaned over the console and kissed her, spelling out his unspoken promises in ways words never could.

Breathless, they both pulled away.

"How did you find this place anyhow?"

"I've been looking for a vacation place for us for a while now and when the realtor told me that it had once been won and lost in a poker game, I knew it was the one."

Veronica playfully punched him on the shoulder.

"You'll never grow up, will you Echolls?"

"You know what they say... you can take the boy out of the bad but you can never take the bad out of the boy," he said, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

She just glared.

"Awwwhhhh, don't worry, baby, you don't have to feel left out. I made sure there was food nearby. Best meat and three, that's what they call a restaurant around these parts, anyway, best meat and three in the whole state just down the road. I called ahead to make sure they made enough today."

That earned him another punch. And then a laugh.

"Come on... there is something else I want to show you."

They got out of the car and Logan came around to grab her by the hand, pulling her towards a path that made it's way around the back of the house. Once they rounded the house she could see a wooden fence, one definitely more modern than the rock wall encompassing the property. Behind the fence was a very large stable which another path led straight to and then around.

"This way. Close your eyes, Veronica."

Veronica did as she was told and reached out for his hand. Logan led her around to the back of the stable and leaned up against the fence.

"Now you can open them."

She opened her eyes and took in the sight before her. The most beautiful horses she'd ever seen stood scattered in a small pasture.

"A pony!! You bought me a pony?!"

Logan laughed at the little girl excitedness that oozed from Veronica.

"No. I bought you seven of the finest thoroughbreds this side of the Mississippi," he affected in a southern drawl, finishing dramatically with air quotes.

"Oh, Logan."

They stood, facing out at the rolling hills that served as the backdrop for their serene moment. A tear slipped down Veronica's cheek as she wondered idly if she ever thought life could be this happy.

He looked at her and smiled, loving the happiness that was clearly showing through.

"Veronica, I just want to give you everything you've ever dreamed of having."

She turned to meet his gaze which was heavily doused with content but still with a hint of longing,

"You already have, Logan... you already have,"

Logan took in her soft and reflective tone and followed the path of her hand as it gently brushed along her stomach until it rested on her lower abdomen. He stared at the splay of her fingers as it seemingly protected something inside her. Looking up, catching the adoration in her eyes and the glow coming from her face he came to a realization all his own. He couldn't believe he had missed it before.

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

One beat, then two, and Logan dropped to his knees in front of the one woman who made him want to be a better man, grabbing her hips and pulling her to him. He slide his hands around to her lower back and began to kiss the place where her hand had rested just moments before. Tears began to slide down his face and Veronica could feel the wetness through her shirt.

"Oh, Veronica... I love you so much. I promise you... you and this baby will be everything to me. I promise I'll never be like him... I promise."

That was too much for Veronica to take.

She dropped to her knees, too and grabbed him tighter than she would have ever thought her tiny hands could. The things that he left unsaid were burning a whole through her heart. She would never let him think those things. Her mouth went directly to his ear and spoke determinedly. The fears of boys becoming their fathers and of girls becoming their mothers had loomed over them for way to long.

"Logan, you will never be like him. Never. If I thought for one second you even had an ounce of that terrible man in you, I could never love you like I do... And I do... love you... more than yesterday and I'll love you even more tomorrow. Were in this together, remember."

He pulled back to look at her and became even more emotional recognizing the love and determination in her eyes. _**His **_Veronica was convinced that he was a good man and that he would be a good father and to him, that was the only healing he'd ever need.

Logan got to his feet and reached out his hand for Veronica's, pulling her up with him. He kept his left hand intertwined with her right while his other reached for her, his thumb grazing her cheek, the other fingers bracing the back of her head. Their mouths met in record time, kissing like only Logan and Veronica can. All searing heat, immense passion, intense yearning, each evidencing their epic love.

She would like to think that Logan was being prophetic when he told her they were epic. Truth was, she was sure he didn't know what it meant even more than she did. He certainly didn't know that just a short few weeks later he would take it to a whole new level, solidifying his position as the hero of their story on the rooftop of the Neptune Grand.

But at the time it probably made sense... love, faced with obstacles that could either tear it down or make it infinitely stronger. Maybe for them it was both. In spite of everything they had went through before, though, it could not prepare them for those things that had been still to come. And yet here they stood, hand in hand, hero embracing his heroine, ready to face anything else life wanted to throw their way, together.

And then that's when it hit her... maybe that's what being epic truly meant... finding your one true love, knowing that you need them and love them with every fiber of your being, realizing that no matter how many lives were ruined, continents were crossed, years have past, that the one person you discover you cannot live without is waiting for you at the end of it all. And that indeed, was a realization of a lifetime.

Comments are love...


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